Moving on
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Hi
Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to move forward mentally for myself please?
my ex was arrested December 2018 and sentenced last July. In January his sentence will be completed. During the last 20 months all of my energy has been spent dealing with ss, working and looking after my 2 very young little boys (1 and 3). My partner is still not working - covid hasnt helped- and still all the burden feels like it falls on me. I am ok most of the times but every so often have a feeling of real sadness and bitterness which I really don't like about myself. It isn't just aimed at him and the fact he's piecing his life back together where mine just feels stagnant, but can spread to jealousy of other families etc. I feel like I'm changing but not for the better!
Has anyone else experienced this and got any useful strategies to deal with this. I'm only 32 and really don't want this to define so many aspects of my life
Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to move forward mentally for myself please?
my ex was arrested December 2018 and sentenced last July. In January his sentence will be completed. During the last 20 months all of my energy has been spent dealing with ss, working and looking after my 2 very young little boys (1 and 3). My partner is still not working - covid hasnt helped- and still all the burden feels like it falls on me. I am ok most of the times but every so often have a feeling of real sadness and bitterness which I really don't like about myself. It isn't just aimed at him and the fact he's piecing his life back together where mine just feels stagnant, but can spread to jealousy of other families etc. I feel like I'm changing but not for the better!
Has anyone else experienced this and got any useful strategies to deal with this. I'm only 32 and really don't want this to define so many aspects of my life
I feel like this too!
My ex is still waiting for his court date (October 2020) and I feel as though he has had a lot of support from his family to 'get back on track' and I have had to live with all the repercussions. Obviously, there will be things he will have to face too, we don't even know if he will go to prison so I know there might be horrors for him to deal with too. But the daily effort of dealing with this falls to me and my daughters. The SS visits, moving house and schools (he taught at the school they attended when he was arrested, which was private so we had to move admist all the gossip and scandal; two distraught girls first lost their dad, then security of the school they loved, followed by all their friends). We have worked very hard to make a new life for ourselves and try to heal from this.
I am hoping we will not have to deal with him in future. We have two daughters together but I am hoping he won't be allowed access until they are over 16 (they are 11 and 6 now) as he has been arrested twice and shows a tendency to underage girls (in chat rooms but also walking by him in the street), he has said he will have to 'be careful' not to reoffend in future. Having been arrested twice, I fully believe given the right circumstances, he would do it again. So I think it would be safer if we move on without him, the children will miss their dad but we might have a chance of a normal life, as it is i fear very much that he will reoffend and couldn't stand to go through the trauma we have already endured again.
But because of the length of time it's all taken I feel as though I haven't moved on. I still have panic attacks and I am still dealing with SS and the police, as he won't take no for an answer i regards to access with our children, so I feel this may continue for some time yet. His mother heavily supports him and I know will want him to have access to the children in future so I feel very anxious about that and really expect her to take me to court over it. It's so very stressful as I have been a victim of emotional abuse from him (and her to an extent) and really feel the children and I will live a happier and more peaceful life away from them both. It doesn't seem at the moment that I will ever be able to get to that stage. It doesn't seem fair either as they are portraying me as someone who is bitter, vindictive and a liar. I know I am none of those things but their relentless pursuit of what they think they deserve has made me feel unimportant in the scheme of things.
I'm probably not helping you to feel better, I'm sorry if that's the case. I just want you to know you are not alone.
Lou xx
My ex is still waiting for his court date (October 2020) and I feel as though he has had a lot of support from his family to 'get back on track' and I have had to live with all the repercussions. Obviously, there will be things he will have to face too, we don't even know if he will go to prison so I know there might be horrors for him to deal with too. But the daily effort of dealing with this falls to me and my daughters. The SS visits, moving house and schools (he taught at the school they attended when he was arrested, which was private so we had to move admist all the gossip and scandal; two distraught girls first lost their dad, then security of the school they loved, followed by all their friends). We have worked very hard to make a new life for ourselves and try to heal from this.
I am hoping we will not have to deal with him in future. We have two daughters together but I am hoping he won't be allowed access until they are over 16 (they are 11 and 6 now) as he has been arrested twice and shows a tendency to underage girls (in chat rooms but also walking by him in the street), he has said he will have to 'be careful' not to reoffend in future. Having been arrested twice, I fully believe given the right circumstances, he would do it again. So I think it would be safer if we move on without him, the children will miss their dad but we might have a chance of a normal life, as it is i fear very much that he will reoffend and couldn't stand to go through the trauma we have already endured again.
But because of the length of time it's all taken I feel as though I haven't moved on. I still have panic attacks and I am still dealing with SS and the police, as he won't take no for an answer i regards to access with our children, so I feel this may continue for some time yet. His mother heavily supports him and I know will want him to have access to the children in future so I feel very anxious about that and really expect her to take me to court over it. It's so very stressful as I have been a victim of emotional abuse from him (and her to an extent) and really feel the children and I will live a happier and more peaceful life away from them both. It doesn't seem at the moment that I will ever be able to get to that stage. It doesn't seem fair either as they are portraying me as someone who is bitter, vindictive and a liar. I know I am none of those things but their relentless pursuit of what they think they deserve has made me feel unimportant in the scheme of things.
I'm probably not helping you to feel better, I'm sorry if that's the case. I just want you to know you are not alone.
Lou xx