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Can anyone answer this.. this is so raw as the dreaded knock only 19th december.. how do they(sons..brothers.husbands.fiances)....go from addicted to porn to all this crap..child images.weird sex..horrifying stuff..... what actually goes on in their brain.. they know its wrong.. they are not stupid people...they are not even bad people...its a definate no no.. im just trying to make some sense of it all.. trying to understand..for the life of me..maybe because my mind doesnt tick like that,i cant.. .. Why.. HOW does it progress.
I think its like a drug, the kick from viewing porn is like drugs, gambling, alcohol etc. The more they did it the more they needed it. The more risk they took to get that high/kick. The world of online porn is a scary one, i think unless more is done to educate and raise awareness this is only going to become more common. My partner was chatting online with women and ended up chatting with a minor. Yes they know its wrong, but like a gambler knows its wrong to bet his life savings or a drug addict knows its wrong to steal for their next hit, they just dont know how to stop or when to say no this is wrong. In their mind i guess they find a way to justify it. Porn and fetishes i guess take you to dark places, the internet provides a crazy world where you can be anything, anyone and do anything.
Maria my thoughts are the same, it’s about stimulating endorphins and people need more and more crazy stuff to do this. The online world is almost an extension of people’s minds. Their fantasies which would have been contained within their skull is almost public knowledge now if your home is raided and your computer forensically examined.
Its not like going into a shop and buying a porn magazine, the perimeters are contained within the pages. Years ago if you wanted printed images of children you had to find very specialised sources and go out of your way to locate stuff. Now it’s at the click of a button and just one more click away to find the next level of image.
I also think watching any online pornography is a dangerous game. My husband accessed only legal websites. When ‘the knock’ came I assumed everything would be ok because he’d only ever used google as a search engine. Why would anytime bother with the dark net if they can just get stuff via google? Years ago you couldn’t ‘stumble’ across CP, now even google searches can lead you to trouble. It’s time they stepped up to, they need to protect children, they have a moral duty.
Its difficult to generalise about this behaviour, not all offenders are the same. Not all offenders look at the same stuff. But generally the public lump in everyone into the same label without understanding much about it at all if understanding any of it! It’s simpler for them to do that but dangerous for us as partners of those accused, convicted and even acquitted.
Its not like going into a shop and buying a porn magazine, the perimeters are contained within the pages. Years ago if you wanted printed images of children you had to find very specialised sources and go out of your way to locate stuff. Now it’s at the click of a button and just one more click away to find the next level of image.
I also think watching any online pornography is a dangerous game. My husband accessed only legal websites. When ‘the knock’ came I assumed everything would be ok because he’d only ever used google as a search engine. Why would anytime bother with the dark net if they can just get stuff via google? Years ago you couldn’t ‘stumble’ across CP, now even google searches can lead you to trouble. It’s time they stepped up to, they need to protect children, they have a moral duty.
Its difficult to generalise about this behaviour, not all offenders are the same. Not all offenders look at the same stuff. But generally the public lump in everyone into the same label without understanding much about it at all if understanding any of it! It’s simpler for them to do that but dangerous for us as partners of those accused, convicted and even acquitted.
Hi Jono.
My husband's case was exactly as Maria described.
He was exposed to 'regular' porn as a young teenager and (just like with drugs, alcohol, gambling) it provided a high. Eventually the addict becomes immune to what they watch (i.e. it no longer creates a high) and therefore they start searching for something 'different', usually more extreme. Porn is very quick to portray all sorts of situations as being acceptable when they aren't. Plus it's so accessible, as Jaded points out. Addicts, in their darkest moments, put getting high above absolutley everything else in their lives. It's incredibly scary and part of me still struggles to believe my husband risked it all like he did. His downfall was sex chats - it started with adult women but eventually the 'who' didn't matter :(
Society may not be ready for sex addiction but it sure as hell exists. I believe though like all other addictions it can be dealt with via the correct support and information like the courses the LFF provides.
Take care. M-B.
My husband's case was exactly as Maria described.
He was exposed to 'regular' porn as a young teenager and (just like with drugs, alcohol, gambling) it provided a high. Eventually the addict becomes immune to what they watch (i.e. it no longer creates a high) and therefore they start searching for something 'different', usually more extreme. Porn is very quick to portray all sorts of situations as being acceptable when they aren't. Plus it's so accessible, as Jaded points out. Addicts, in their darkest moments, put getting high above absolutley everything else in their lives. It's incredibly scary and part of me still struggles to believe my husband risked it all like he did. His downfall was sex chats - it started with adult women but eventually the 'who' didn't matter :(
Society may not be ready for sex addiction but it sure as hell exists. I believe though like all other addictions it can be dealt with via the correct support and information like the courses the LFF provides.
Take care. M-B.
Just re read this thread.
I think I am struggling as I know the computer is going to come back later next week and I am scared how it came to this.
How did his internet history lead to his downfall and mine in a way as I am struggling to get back into work.
he says these images were from 10 years ago and he was accessing them on and off for years. But how? Did you all sit and ask your husbands what they thought they were doing at the time or did you let therapy unpick the finer details. It’s just so messed up and if my head is spinning what on earth must be going through theirs?
I think I am struggling as I know the computer is going to come back later next week and I am scared how it came to this.
How did his internet history lead to his downfall and mine in a way as I am struggling to get back into work.
he says these images were from 10 years ago and he was accessing them on and off for years. But how? Did you all sit and ask your husbands what they thought they were doing at the time or did you let therapy unpick the finer details. It’s just so messed up and if my head is spinning what on earth must be going through theirs?
Hi Bethlou23
Our husbands appear quite similar in as much as they can't/won't take any responsibility for their actions.
I did ask my husband but all I got were lies from him so that was a waste of time! The police did say on the day of the knock that they had been watching my husband for several months via his internet activity.
I'm no expert but I find it difficult to think the police have knocked about stuff that is 10 years old and I wonder if your husband may have looked at things more recently - like I said I'm no expert and could be completely wrong with that.
One of the things I have discovered about myself now is before I would believe everything is true that was told, now I'm very cynical about everything, I don't believe in happy marriages or happy ever after!!
Keep going, you're doing so well xx
Our husbands appear quite similar in as much as they can't/won't take any responsibility for their actions.
I did ask my husband but all I got were lies from him so that was a waste of time! The police did say on the day of the knock that they had been watching my husband for several months via his internet activity.
I'm no expert but I find it difficult to think the police have knocked about stuff that is 10 years old and I wonder if your husband may have looked at things more recently - like I said I'm no expert and could be completely wrong with that.
One of the things I have discovered about myself now is before I would believe everything is true that was told, now I'm very cynical about everything, I don't believe in happy marriages or happy ever after!!
Keep going, you're doing so well xx
Thanks Tracey
i think our situations are similar too, my marriage has ended on the bases he has betrayed my trust. Even if he wakes up and takes responsibility I just can’t get over the trauma of the pain it’s caused me. I was In a professional position at work it’s been so bad having children services involved.
but yes although we have separated I do still want to make some sense of what happened in my marriage or I truly feel I won’t be able to intimately trust another in the future.
i know what you mean about his police activity. They were monitoring him, the IP address flagged in June but he said to me he was sorting through that file that was 10 years olds. He just can’t bring himself to be honest and there is no trust now.
Thanks for your support. This forum has been a life saver to me.
In a positive note I am actually really enjoying my personal space and been okay in the evenings by myself. It’s only late at night my head can’t shut down. I knew this man for 10 years and though I knew him. My whole trust in any relationship in the future will be based on I can’t truly know someone. I am angry at him for all this distruction he brought into my life!!!
a bit of a vent there, but in all I feel pretty positive about the spring coming. It’s a new start for nature and us xx
i think our situations are similar too, my marriage has ended on the bases he has betrayed my trust. Even if he wakes up and takes responsibility I just can’t get over the trauma of the pain it’s caused me. I was In a professional position at work it’s been so bad having children services involved.
but yes although we have separated I do still want to make some sense of what happened in my marriage or I truly feel I won’t be able to intimately trust another in the future.
i know what you mean about his police activity. They were monitoring him, the IP address flagged in June but he said to me he was sorting through that file that was 10 years olds. He just can’t bring himself to be honest and there is no trust now.
Thanks for your support. This forum has been a life saver to me.
In a positive note I am actually really enjoying my personal space and been okay in the evenings by myself. It’s only late at night my head can’t shut down. I knew this man for 10 years and though I knew him. My whole trust in any relationship in the future will be based on I can’t truly know someone. I am angry at him for all this distruction he brought into my life!!!
a bit of a vent there, but in all I feel pretty positive about the spring coming. It’s a new start for nature and us xx