Family and Friends Forum

Hi Christine 123,

I totally understand where your coming from here.
My partner/ex was jailed in April after a communication/contact offence with a police decoy. My world was shattered when I arrived home to find he'd been arrested, I was devastated I hated him at first but also I couldn't make my feelings for him disappear, I still can't, I still talk to him on the phone maybe once twice a week then I feel like a mug for doing it, but I can't bring myself to tell him to stop calling me, probably because deep down I like talking to him I miss him so much. I also think to myself when he gets out of prison could we meet up and go away for a few nights away from the area where no one knows us, same with moving away then I think to myself why on earth are you stupidly thinking of doing that. It's so hard isn't it.

I'm sorry your neighbours are being like that it's non of there business. Your right no one has the right to judge you but that's what people do, I think what you have to do is think I don't give a toss to what other people think and it's my life and I'm going to live it how I choose and with who I choose. Now the tricky part is actually setting your mind to think that way lol.

That's right, when people found out what my partner had done through a sensationalised report in the local newspaper people said things like your better off without him, I'd never want to see him again, hope he gets what he deserves etc etc although people were looking out for me these comments didn't really help me one bit, because no one would know what they'd actually do until they found themselves in that situation.
We probably should think more of what we want to make us happy not what to do to make others happy, easier said than done I know, take care x

I understand how you feel.

i ended the relationship ( mainly because I have children, one of whom is his. I was 5 months pregnant when he was arrested)

I needed to distance myself and my children from what he had done, and I was so shocked and horrified. That said there hasn’t been one day that I don’t miss him. My heart aches for him, but then I think of the life I would have if we were together and how we would be judged and put under scrutiny from social services etc and I think I just can’t live like that. A rock and a hard place. I don’t know what to do for the best either.

Xx

No contact as yet. I decided that I couldn’t cope with social services interference in mine and my children’s life at this time. He can’t see my daughter until They have done an assessment etc and she would be put on a child in need or at risk plan. Unless more comes to light ( his offence) I plan to supervise contact in the future.

Hi Christine

I feel like me and you are so similar. I have no children and I am desperate to start a family as my clock is ticking and my fertility isn't great either. I wonder how we could even start a family if he is charged and social services are involved. I don't want to start over again either. I feel like this week iv come to terms a lot with what has happened, iv avoided my partner so much since the knock as iv felt ashamed or nervous to be seen out with him and nobody even knows its just my thoughts playing games with me.we met up over the weekend and it was just like old times. But then the thoughts and anxiety comes creeping back in and I start thinking about the upcoming case decision, the media, the knock on the door I'm still so jumpy of anyone knocks at the house then I feel so angry iv been put in this position. I'm praying his bail isn't extended any longer than it has been already and I can make a decision in the next few weeks moving forward.

Just do what feels right for you no one has the right to take away your happiness. It's a mistake made it doesn't necessarily define him as a person. That's how I'm coming to terms with it if I take my emotions out of it. Its the interneys fault aswell for allowing such images to be published.



Take care of yourself



Yaz x

I know what you mean I feel disgusted too. Iv never understood why people look at porn it's not even real?? It is vile.

I have days were I think I can get over it and days where I can't even answer the phone to him it all just floods back to me the trauma of finding out. If we do stay together he will have to deal with the consequences of my up and down emotions. Iv decided for my own sanity I will wait for the outcome and go from there. Its only a matter of weeks now.

Have you any indication of where his case is and the decision?

Some may say the punishment starts when the knock happens and the wait happens.

Are you still together at the moment?

Big hugs xxx

Hi Christine



I am going through the same thing. Today a co worker said to me 'How can you live with a peadophile!'

Honestly you learn to develop a thick skin. I love my partner and trust him and have got to the point where I don't let the negativity into my life

Yaz I think we have spoken before on another thread. I hope you're doing ok.

Big hugs everyone xx

Christine



Do you have any support or have you confided in anyone?

We are here for you x

Ladies all I can say is the fear of things happening is worse than when it actually happens.

I was suicidal thinking of the media and then it happened and I've got through it.

I was petrified of people turning their back. Some have and some have been so supportive you wouldn't believe.

It is a weird feeling when the worst happens, I can honestly describe it as cathartic.

I'm definitely not out the other side but getting there xx

I'm sorry to hear that Christine.



Have you rang the helpline?



It really is awful how partners and families are not given any support at all.

Hi JenGus

Aw thank you for thinking of me yes we've spoke on another post how are toy hope your okay. Big hugs to you.



Big hugs to everyone in this shitty of shittiest situations to ever be in!!



Yaz x

Hi Christine

How are you doing since you spoke to the police? Hope the neighbours are leaving you alone.

Hope your doing okay

Yaz x