New to all of this and not coping.
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Hi all,
I am after some support and advice, really.
Myself and my now ex partner split up in February of this year, domestic abuse, not violent but controlling. We were only together for 2 months and I fell pregnant with our now just turned 3 year old daughter.
I have taken him to court for an arrangements order which was granted on Tuesday last week, but then Friday just gone, my solicitor calls me and has said the judge has ordered no contact between my ex partner and our daughter and put a prohibited steps order in place due to his police checks.
He was charged back in 2010, when in the army, with a schedule one offence of 13 indecent images of children of class A variety.
Obviously I am completely and utterly disgusted, and he swears around 50 lads on camp used the laptop but because it was his, he was charged. He went to military prison for 12 weeks. The files were there, but weren't opened.
He swears he has never harmed our daughter, never thought about it and doesn't think of kids in that way.
I didnt know, I never knew any of this but makes me wonder was this the reason he kept trying to get me to cancel court.
His parents and his sister (who has 2 kids) all knew, and never thought to tell me.
I know social services are going to come out and question and whatever, but he is a fantastic dad, I cannot fault him in that way.
Im not sure what to do or say or think and im making myself ill. I have my mum and my new partner who are great and supportive but I just cannot shake it off that the man I had a baby with has done this and there was no respect to just tell me before I get a phone call and im having to explain to my daughter that daddy and his family have gone on holiday at the moment.
I feel defeated, stress and cant eat or sleep.
I am after some support and advice, really.
Myself and my now ex partner split up in February of this year, domestic abuse, not violent but controlling. We were only together for 2 months and I fell pregnant with our now just turned 3 year old daughter.
I have taken him to court for an arrangements order which was granted on Tuesday last week, but then Friday just gone, my solicitor calls me and has said the judge has ordered no contact between my ex partner and our daughter and put a prohibited steps order in place due to his police checks.
He was charged back in 2010, when in the army, with a schedule one offence of 13 indecent images of children of class A variety.
Obviously I am completely and utterly disgusted, and he swears around 50 lads on camp used the laptop but because it was his, he was charged. He went to military prison for 12 weeks. The files were there, but weren't opened.
He swears he has never harmed our daughter, never thought about it and doesn't think of kids in that way.
I didnt know, I never knew any of this but makes me wonder was this the reason he kept trying to get me to cancel court.
His parents and his sister (who has 2 kids) all knew, and never thought to tell me.
I know social services are going to come out and question and whatever, but he is a fantastic dad, I cannot fault him in that way.
Im not sure what to do or say or think and im making myself ill. I have my mum and my new partner who are great and supportive but I just cannot shake it off that the man I had a baby with has done this and there was no respect to just tell me before I get a phone call and im having to explain to my daughter that daddy and his family have gone on holiday at the moment.
I feel defeated, stress and cant eat or sleep.
Anyone?
Hi
So sorry that you have joined the club no one wants to join. It is a situation none of us are prepared for but remember you have done nothing wrong.
In my own xperience of 'the knock' and what I have read on this forum men can be very, very secretive and can bury such activity in their lives which professionals deem 'denial'. It is a case of it I don't discuss this it hasn't happened and will go away.
Try and look after yourself and child. Consider calling the helpline the people are very knowledgeable with lots of practical advice.
Good luck.
Izzy
So sorry that you have joined the club no one wants to join. It is a situation none of us are prepared for but remember you have done nothing wrong.
In my own xperience of 'the knock' and what I have read on this forum men can be very, very secretive and can bury such activity in their lives which professionals deem 'denial'. It is a case of it I don't discuss this it hasn't happened and will go away.
Try and look after yourself and child. Consider calling the helpline the people are very knowledgeable with lots of practical advice.
Good luck.
Izzy
So sorry to hear your story. And so sorry not to have picked this up earlier. 1st posts seem to get hidden away as they are not immediately posted.
I am not in a similar situation, but can relate to the horror and shock of finding out about your ex husbands sentence.
He may or may not be telling the truth. If you read some of the posts here you will see that there are some innocent people that are dragged into this mess. But there are others who are guilty. Try talking to the helpline if you can. They will help you work your way through this. Its good that you have support. You will get through it. Focus on getting the right outcome for your daughter. Take care.
I am not in a similar situation, but can relate to the horror and shock of finding out about your ex husbands sentence.
He may or may not be telling the truth. If you read some of the posts here you will see that there are some innocent people that are dragged into this mess. But there are others who are guilty. Try talking to the helpline if you can. They will help you work your way through this. Its good that you have support. You will get through it. Focus on getting the right outcome for your daughter. Take care.
Hi Gemma
I'm in such a similar situation to you. My partner is facing charges of images found on a works computer used by others but because he was in charge of that device he is the one facing punishment. Like Your ex he is strongly denying the accusation claiming other people used it. He was suspended from his job and the police questioned him. This happened before we got together. He proceeded to get into a relationship with me and He hid this from me until one day in June this year 2 detectives knocked at the door and filled me in on the situation.
I just don't know what to believe. The fact he went to such lengths to hide this makes me doubt him. I guess your feeling utterly the same emotions I am.
Whilst we don't have children together he does have a daughter to a previous relationship and he's the same unable to have unsupervised contact with her.
Have you phoned the helpline for some guidance? They were fantastic when I first contacted them. I think social services will be around for some time to come in our case I'm very doubtful of the future.
I hope you have some support around you. Look after yourself xx
I'm in such a similar situation to you. My partner is facing charges of images found on a works computer used by others but because he was in charge of that device he is the one facing punishment. Like Your ex he is strongly denying the accusation claiming other people used it. He was suspended from his job and the police questioned him. This happened before we got together. He proceeded to get into a relationship with me and He hid this from me until one day in June this year 2 detectives knocked at the door and filled me in on the situation.
I just don't know what to believe. The fact he went to such lengths to hide this makes me doubt him. I guess your feeling utterly the same emotions I am.
Whilst we don't have children together he does have a daughter to a previous relationship and he's the same unable to have unsupervised contact with her.
Have you phoned the helpline for some guidance? They were fantastic when I first contacted them. I think social services will be around for some time to come in our case I'm very doubtful of the future.
I hope you have some support around you. Look after yourself xx