Worried sick - advice please?
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Hi
My Dad was arrested for indecent images and his devices were taken he was interviewed but was then released with no charge and no bail conditions - they said they will contact him via letter
He has spoken to a solicitor but they have said they cannot do anything at the moment as he hasn't actually been charged with anything - he has now realised he shouldn't have spoken to the police without one but didn't realise he had done anything wrong
He has been open with my mum me and my sister that he has an addiction to porn and has seen some indecent images but clicked away because they were vile - he said these were sent to him without being requested and alot of the time the thumbnails were of woman but when clicked on this wasnt true - he said he did not find them sexual and thought they were vile - he is not the 'P' word but what will people think
I'm absolutely devasted -me and my boyfriend don't live in the house but I have no idea what to think or do
Is he going to be charged? Will he go in the paper?
My mental health isn't in a good state, I'm up and down all day kne minute I'm okay and feeling positive the next I'm so anxious and depressed and I cant stop crying
Any advice or support would be great
My Dad was arrested for indecent images and his devices were taken he was interviewed but was then released with no charge and no bail conditions - they said they will contact him via letter
He has spoken to a solicitor but they have said they cannot do anything at the moment as he hasn't actually been charged with anything - he has now realised he shouldn't have spoken to the police without one but didn't realise he had done anything wrong
He has been open with my mum me and my sister that he has an addiction to porn and has seen some indecent images but clicked away because they were vile - he said these were sent to him without being requested and alot of the time the thumbnails were of woman but when clicked on this wasnt true - he said he did not find them sexual and thought they were vile - he is not the 'P' word but what will people think
I'm absolutely devasted -me and my boyfriend don't live in the house but I have no idea what to think or do
Is he going to be charged? Will he go in the paper?
My mental health isn't in a good state, I'm up and down all day kne minute I'm okay and feeling positive the next I'm so anxious and depressed and I cant stop crying
Any advice or support would be great
Hi bs
Firstly big hugs xxxx
So sorry you have found yourself here. You have experienced a massive shock and the next few weeks will be a roller-coaster of emotions. I can't imagine being in the situation with my dad but it's good he has been upfront and honest about his addictions.
Its hard to say what he may or may not be charged with. It depends on the categories of the images, the amounts they have found, was their any communications etc. This is a lengthy process too. They are dealing with 400 to 500 cases per month this crime is rapidly growing out of control. The police initially knocked at my bf house 4 years ago (we weren't together then) then he kept this from me, I only found Out 9 weeks ago when 2 plain clothes detectives knocked at my door looking for him and my whole world came tumbling down. He was supposed to have his decision given to him in July but it was delayed until September.
Phone the help line, I did in the beginning to make sense of what's happened, get some impartial advice, pour it out, iv only had this channel to release to.
Take each day as it comes, make sure you eat well, I made myself very ill in the beginning of this. Sending you the biggest hug and keep in touch x x x
Firstly big hugs xxxx
So sorry you have found yourself here. You have experienced a massive shock and the next few weeks will be a roller-coaster of emotions. I can't imagine being in the situation with my dad but it's good he has been upfront and honest about his addictions.
Its hard to say what he may or may not be charged with. It depends on the categories of the images, the amounts they have found, was their any communications etc. This is a lengthy process too. They are dealing with 400 to 500 cases per month this crime is rapidly growing out of control. The police initially knocked at my bf house 4 years ago (we weren't together then) then he kept this from me, I only found Out 9 weeks ago when 2 plain clothes detectives knocked at my door looking for him and my whole world came tumbling down. He was supposed to have his decision given to him in July but it was delayed until September.
Phone the help line, I did in the beginning to make sense of what's happened, get some impartial advice, pour it out, iv only had this channel to release to.
Take each day as it comes, make sure you eat well, I made myself very ill in the beginning of this. Sending you the biggest hug and keep in touch x x x
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Dear BS - it's a horrible place to find yourself in - but take each day as it comes - BREATH! - maybe look into doing the Inform course yourself - it's free for members of the family (thought LFF welcome donations for doing this valuable work, I know). Have you phoned the helpline? I found the counsellors on the end of the line were a godsend in those early weeks. Nothing is likely to happen for months - you can be assured of that, as the police are so overwhelmed with similar cases and there's a long queue of electronic devices waiting to be examined. So don't rush into anything. Take the time to get yourself informed about the dark places your Dad has been - maybe read a book like 'The Porn Trap' or one of the many others that help you understand.
Your Dad is still your Dad - this offence does not take all the good times you have had (and hopefully will have again in the future). And his offending should make no difference to you and your partner's relationship - you haven't done anything wrong!
I hope you start to feel better soon - it's been 8 months since my partner and I experienced 'the knock' and we still haven't heard anything. Life goes on. Big hugs to you. XXX Tutmut.
Your Dad is still your Dad - this offence does not take all the good times you have had (and hopefully will have again in the future). And his offending should make no difference to you and your partner's relationship - you haven't done anything wrong!
I hope you start to feel better soon - it's been 8 months since my partner and I experienced 'the knock' and we still haven't heard anything. Life goes on. Big hugs to you. XXX Tutmut.
Hi TutleyMutley
I'm really trying to keep myself busy but always end up thinking about this, I honestly can't believe I'm even talking about this
I have called the helpline once as we have been advised not to discuss or tell anyone with my dad not being charged - I don't know if calling helped or not :(
I think that's the worst thing not knowing if its going to be weeks or months
He will always be my dad but right now I dont know if our relationship will ever be the same, my parents have lived in the same place for around 30 years and I love very local so its going to be absolutely horrendous when and if this comes out
My boyfriend has said he's with me through think and thin but he's already struggling to come to terms with this and I worry how he would cope being associated
I hope I do i cant go on feeling the way I do its unreal - your all brave people when I read peoples stories - lots of hugs to you xxx
I'm really trying to keep myself busy but always end up thinking about this, I honestly can't believe I'm even talking about this
I have called the helpline once as we have been advised not to discuss or tell anyone with my dad not being charged - I don't know if calling helped or not :(
I think that's the worst thing not knowing if its going to be weeks or months
He will always be my dad but right now I dont know if our relationship will ever be the same, my parents have lived in the same place for around 30 years and I love very local so its going to be absolutely horrendous when and if this comes out
My boyfriend has said he's with me through think and thin but he's already struggling to come to terms with this and I worry how he would cope being associated
I hope I do i cant go on feeling the way I do its unreal - your all brave people when I read peoples stories - lots of hugs to you xxx
Hi there!
my dad was arrested about 3 months ago for sexual communication with a minor.
All devices were seized.
the worst day of my life!!
I really understand you when you say you love him but equally hate him too!
What I want to say to you is something you may not want to hear ... your dad is probably lieing to you. My dad did the same to me.. they are so so shocked they've been caught they are in complete denial ... they make up ridiculous stories .. and it's our dad so we want to believe them.
my dad said he didn't know they were 13! And he thought it was a game! Whatever that means.
your dad saying hello was sent pictures is more than likely not true!
how would that even be possible without request at least?!
it would be good to connect as I feel we have a similar situation, it's good to talk with people who are going through the same emotions.
sending you lots of love xxx
my dad was arrested about 3 months ago for sexual communication with a minor.
All devices were seized.
the worst day of my life!!
I really understand you when you say you love him but equally hate him too!
What I want to say to you is something you may not want to hear ... your dad is probably lieing to you. My dad did the same to me.. they are so so shocked they've been caught they are in complete denial ... they make up ridiculous stories .. and it's our dad so we want to believe them.
my dad said he didn't know they were 13! And he thought it was a game! Whatever that means.
your dad saying hello was sent pictures is more than likely not true!
how would that even be possible without request at least?!
it would be good to connect as I feel we have a similar situation, it's good to talk with people who are going through the same emotions.
sending you lots of love xxx
How does anyone cope with this time frame - no charge, no bail conditions just this hanging over us :(
My boyfriend has said he won't even speak to my dad even for 5 minutes
I dont know what to do :(
My boyfriend has said he won't even speak to my dad even for 5 minutes
I dont know what to do :(
Hello BS,
My husband's case started similar to your dad's. We also have children so I took the 'no bail restrictions and no charges' as a poaitove - although at the time my head was all over the place.
My husband also spoke to the police instead of 'no commenting' everything as suggested by solicitor and this seemed to go in his favour.
He was found to have 1 video and 4 IIOC which the police could see were sent mixed between lots of other non-IIOC files.
I believe he was one of the lucky ones whereby the CPS decided not to bring any charges. Social services also closed our case. Both sides seemed happy enough that although he should've reported the images, he hadn't gone on the hunt for them and he'd been honest during interviews etc.
It's been a very long process for us and we're still battling through the mental disruption caused but we're trying to rebuild our lives.
Your Dad is still your Dad, he needs support. You all need support. Breathe and try to keep talking.
I hope you hear back from the police soon so you can all start to move forwards.
My husband's case started similar to your dad's. We also have children so I took the 'no bail restrictions and no charges' as a poaitove - although at the time my head was all over the place.
My husband also spoke to the police instead of 'no commenting' everything as suggested by solicitor and this seemed to go in his favour.
He was found to have 1 video and 4 IIOC which the police could see were sent mixed between lots of other non-IIOC files.
I believe he was one of the lucky ones whereby the CPS decided not to bring any charges. Social services also closed our case. Both sides seemed happy enough that although he should've reported the images, he hadn't gone on the hunt for them and he'd been honest during interviews etc.
It's been a very long process for us and we're still battling through the mental disruption caused but we're trying to rebuild our lives.
Your Dad is still your Dad, he needs support. You all need support. Breathe and try to keep talking.
I hope you hear back from the police soon so you can all start to move forwards.
Hi mum of 3
Thankyou for taking time to read and reply to my story - your comments have given me some comfort and I really hope that this is how my dads case will go
I think the worst thing is not knowing - could they knock on the door tomorrow, next week or next year- the police seem to barge into your lives with this bombshell and just leave you - and i understand they have a job to do and to investigate but it just seems cruel for those who are involved
I dont live with my parents so I have abit of distance from the situation but my mental health has really taken a hit and I am struggling as is my boyfriend but I hope things will get easier
I am trying to support my dad etc but my boyfriend isn't so keen and its making things really hard
Sending lots of hugs your way xxx
Thankyou for taking time to read and reply to my story - your comments have given me some comfort and I really hope that this is how my dads case will go
I think the worst thing is not knowing - could they knock on the door tomorrow, next week or next year- the police seem to barge into your lives with this bombshell and just leave you - and i understand they have a job to do and to investigate but it just seems cruel for those who are involved
I dont live with my parents so I have abit of distance from the situation but my mental health has really taken a hit and I am struggling as is my boyfriend but I hope things will get easier
I am trying to support my dad etc but my boyfriend isn't so keen and its making things really hard
Sending lots of hugs your way xxx
Hi Luis
Sorry i didn't see your message until now
I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same situation its heartbreaking but I would definitely recommend calling the helpline theyve really helped me understand
I feel as where I am at this point with who my dad has spoken with that he is telling the truth he didnt for a few days but couldn't take it anymore - it was actually on a 'legal' site this happened and most of the things people sent were 'legal' and unfortunately some weren't
Please keep in touch i would like to support you throughout this time and hear your experiences with things that are going on and happening
Sending the biggest of hugs your way xxx
Sorry i didn't see your message until now
I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same situation its heartbreaking but I would definitely recommend calling the helpline theyve really helped me understand
I feel as where I am at this point with who my dad has spoken with that he is telling the truth he didnt for a few days but couldn't take it anymore - it was actually on a 'legal' site this happened and most of the things people sent were 'legal' and unfortunately some weren't
Please keep in touch i would like to support you throughout this time and hear your experiences with things that are going on and happening
Sending the biggest of hugs your way xxx