Struggling to cope
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Hi all me again
Sorry i feel like I've posted too much here but I don't know what else to do i don't really have anyone I can talk to about this
Some days are OK and some days are so bad.. today is a bad day I just want to lay down and cry and not move and today I cant
I really don't see a way through this right now, things will never ever be the same no matter if my dad gets charged or not.. this has still happened.. his actions have taken me to this dark, dark place
How did people cope :(
Sorry i feel like I've posted too much here but I don't know what else to do i don't really have anyone I can talk to about this
Some days are OK and some days are so bad.. today is a bad day I just want to lay down and cry and not move and today I cant
I really don't see a way through this right now, things will never ever be the same no matter if my dad gets charged or not.. this has still happened.. his actions have taken me to this dark, dark place
How did people cope :(
Hi BS
I was exactly the same in the first week of the knock and finding out I was just numb and glazed. It paralysed me to the sofa I couldn't even function. What your feeling is what we all did at the beginning. My heart breaks for you. None of us should ever be in this position.
I found out the week before I was returning to work after lockdown. I had 3 and a half months off then the week before I had to go back bang with the worse trauma i have ever experienced. Not only faced with the anxiety of returning to work during a pandemic I had to put on a straight face (I work front of house) and pretend everything was normal.colleagues askibg how we both are and I'm like yeah yeah fine. Just changing the subject quickly to protect myself. Iv found myself tearful in the beginning thinking of they only new. Wearing a mask has been a saviour. I can sort of hide behind it.
Iv only told my parents no friends as they all have children so I can't. They are supportive as best as they can be but it's still so hard. I wish I could tell someone but then it's out.
I stopped eating for weeks only bonus was I lost a few lockdown pounds gained. I broke out in ocldsores. I honestly believe it would of been easier if he had died iv felt every emotion going. Some days now I can speak to him and its like old times then other days I feel such anger and I hate him for putting us here. Iv come to realise the Internet is to blame as they have allowed sites to put porn up. If it wasn't there it wouldn't be found. People do stumble across things then human curiousity takes over. It doesn't make them bad people its a bad choice they have made.
I'm 10 weeks since the knock and it is getting a little easier I promise. I just take it day by day now. I try and eat well even if its just a little. I'm playing music that uplifts me and pampering myself as much as possible to feel better about myself. Iv looked hagid since.
I check this site everyday so always message if you need a chat. I was the same so lost and just needed someone who understands what it's like going through this.
I hope I haven't waffled on too much I just thought I'd share a bit of where I am at.
Sending big hugs xoxoxo
I was exactly the same in the first week of the knock and finding out I was just numb and glazed. It paralysed me to the sofa I couldn't even function. What your feeling is what we all did at the beginning. My heart breaks for you. None of us should ever be in this position.
I found out the week before I was returning to work after lockdown. I had 3 and a half months off then the week before I had to go back bang with the worse trauma i have ever experienced. Not only faced with the anxiety of returning to work during a pandemic I had to put on a straight face (I work front of house) and pretend everything was normal.colleagues askibg how we both are and I'm like yeah yeah fine. Just changing the subject quickly to protect myself. Iv found myself tearful in the beginning thinking of they only new. Wearing a mask has been a saviour. I can sort of hide behind it.
Iv only told my parents no friends as they all have children so I can't. They are supportive as best as they can be but it's still so hard. I wish I could tell someone but then it's out.
I stopped eating for weeks only bonus was I lost a few lockdown pounds gained. I broke out in ocldsores. I honestly believe it would of been easier if he had died iv felt every emotion going. Some days now I can speak to him and its like old times then other days I feel such anger and I hate him for putting us here. Iv come to realise the Internet is to blame as they have allowed sites to put porn up. If it wasn't there it wouldn't be found. People do stumble across things then human curiousity takes over. It doesn't make them bad people its a bad choice they have made.
I'm 10 weeks since the knock and it is getting a little easier I promise. I just take it day by day now. I try and eat well even if its just a little. I'm playing music that uplifts me and pampering myself as much as possible to feel better about myself. Iv looked hagid since.
I check this site everyday so always message if you need a chat. I was the same so lost and just needed someone who understands what it's like going through this.
I hope I haven't waffled on too much I just thought I'd share a bit of where I am at.
Sending big hugs xoxoxo
Hi Yazznan
Thankyou so much for taking your time to reply and I'm so sorry to hear your going through this too, I understand what you mean by saying it might have been easier if there had been a death - it's the fact there is no clear end
I'm struggling to think im going to feel like this for a long time its destroying me and my boyfriend as well as my mum etc
Weve been advised by a solicitor that no one can know my mum and dad were told they shouldn't really have told me and my sister but I see them most days and I would have picked up on something- I think this is because he hasn't actually been charged with anything
Oh bless your heart ive been off work just for a short time because of the summer holidays but I will be back very soon and feel the same as you how do you go to work and pretend everything is okay?
Can i ask how far you are into this? Have you just had the 'knock' and nothing more?
Thankyou again for getting in touch it helps talking to you guys on here knowing your stories etc - I just wish it would come to an end soon no matter what the decision
Send you lots of hugs xxxx
Thankyou so much for taking your time to reply and I'm so sorry to hear your going through this too, I understand what you mean by saying it might have been easier if there had been a death - it's the fact there is no clear end
I'm struggling to think im going to feel like this for a long time its destroying me and my boyfriend as well as my mum etc
Weve been advised by a solicitor that no one can know my mum and dad were told they shouldn't really have told me and my sister but I see them most days and I would have picked up on something- I think this is because he hasn't actually been charged with anything
Oh bless your heart ive been off work just for a short time because of the summer holidays but I will be back very soon and feel the same as you how do you go to work and pretend everything is okay?
Can i ask how far you are into this? Have you just had the 'knock' and nothing more?
Thankyou again for getting in touch it helps talking to you guys on here knowing your stories etc - I just wish it would come to an end soon no matter what the decision
Send you lots of hugs xxxx
.
Morning BS
i really feel for you I got the knock on the 1july as my husband had downloaded and passed on images my world blew apart I lost my job as I work with children and we couldn't agree on a way forward as I was willing to support my husband well after 16 years and two children I couldn't just walk away especially as he threatened to kill himself I almost lost my children as ss came some days I cope some days I don't some days I love him and wish he was back home some days I hate him and hope he doesn't come back it's very hard for us the ones who haven't done the wrong but still have had our lives ripped apart and you can't chat to your friends about it but over time it will get better but you will cope live everyday just in the day try not to worry some days you will do better than other days
x
i really feel for you I got the knock on the 1july as my husband had downloaded and passed on images my world blew apart I lost my job as I work with children and we couldn't agree on a way forward as I was willing to support my husband well after 16 years and two children I couldn't just walk away especially as he threatened to kill himself I almost lost my children as ss came some days I cope some days I don't some days I love him and wish he was back home some days I hate him and hope he doesn't come back it's very hard for us the ones who haven't done the wrong but still have had our lives ripped apart and you can't chat to your friends about it but over time it will get better but you will cope live everyday just in the day try not to worry some days you will do better than other days
x
Hello
So sorry that you are going through thus too
It really is a roller coaster of emotions I understand what you mean about you want to see him but would be glad if you didn't
I'm the same I love my dad and want to help him but I hate him so much for this hes destroying the family and I dont know what if do if it broke me and my boyfriend up I dint think I'd cope :(
I'm trying to take each day as it comes but I cant cope feeling like this for however long
I also work with children but I dont live with my mum and dad and I havent told work
Sending big hugs xxx
So sorry that you are going through thus too
It really is a roller coaster of emotions I understand what you mean about you want to see him but would be glad if you didn't
I'm the same I love my dad and want to help him but I hate him so much for this hes destroying the family and I dont know what if do if it broke me and my boyfriend up I dint think I'd cope :(
I'm trying to take each day as it comes but I cant cope feeling like this for however long
I also work with children but I dont live with my mum and dad and I havent told work
Sending big hugs xxx
Hi BS
Glad your finding it helpful hearing mine and others stories.
My background is dated my bf for just over a year and a half extremely happy just about to move in etc then two plain clothed detectives knocked at my door. They explained that 4 years ago they questioned him in relation to images found on a shared computer in his workplace. Because he was in charge of that computer he's took the flack. It was used by him and another person. But he can't prove his innocence that he looked at the images. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and is the best dad to her so to hear such accusations is just beyond traumatic and devastatibg. Whilst I want to believe in who he is, the man iv fallen in love with and want to spend my life with I'm so angry he his this from me. He has lived in house shares since the first initial knock hiding if you like from the police hoping he would never be caught. He's been clever at not footprintibg anything rhat could give away his location. Till that day in June. When my life flipped 360. The police told me minimal. They aren't allowed to. He may or may not be charged. We just have to wait. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks there will be answer one way or the other.
Your parents must be going through hell. Especially your mum. It's humiliating as the partner of that person. You as his daughter must feel broken as parents are meant to be your protector. From what I have learnt society has labelled sex offenders as the worst people in society. A rapist is one, but someone who stumbles across an image of a child on a porn site is also classed as one. Men look at porn and its a fact of life. I know women who do also. Doesn't make them a sex offender. But people who are the P word use these sites to hide their material and unfortunately your dad has stumbled across this.
It happens. And I believe these porn sites need to be held accountable. If it wasn't there to begin with it couldn't be looked for or found. This crime is a mind field and I'm learning daily. One image on your device is a crime in itself. I'm not condoning it in anyway but there is another side to it and by realising there is another side its helping me come to terms.
Your dad is still your dad. He's made. Mistake and I'm sure this is punishment enough. He will be mortified his daughter knows about it.
I'm glad you live a little bit away. Even for a lite while until you gey your head space together you could contact him when your ready to. Just look after your mum. She will need you.
I'm 10 weeks since the knock. I'm functioning a little better now. Eating and exercising mainly and talking to my mum when I need to vent. It's just soo soo shitty being here. But we are all here for you BS
Biggest hugs xxxxx
Glad your finding it helpful hearing mine and others stories.
My background is dated my bf for just over a year and a half extremely happy just about to move in etc then two plain clothed detectives knocked at my door. They explained that 4 years ago they questioned him in relation to images found on a shared computer in his workplace. Because he was in charge of that computer he's took the flack. It was used by him and another person. But he can't prove his innocence that he looked at the images. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and is the best dad to her so to hear such accusations is just beyond traumatic and devastatibg. Whilst I want to believe in who he is, the man iv fallen in love with and want to spend my life with I'm so angry he his this from me. He has lived in house shares since the first initial knock hiding if you like from the police hoping he would never be caught. He's been clever at not footprintibg anything rhat could give away his location. Till that day in June. When my life flipped 360. The police told me minimal. They aren't allowed to. He may or may not be charged. We just have to wait. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks there will be answer one way or the other.
Your parents must be going through hell. Especially your mum. It's humiliating as the partner of that person. You as his daughter must feel broken as parents are meant to be your protector. From what I have learnt society has labelled sex offenders as the worst people in society. A rapist is one, but someone who stumbles across an image of a child on a porn site is also classed as one. Men look at porn and its a fact of life. I know women who do also. Doesn't make them a sex offender. But people who are the P word use these sites to hide their material and unfortunately your dad has stumbled across this.
It happens. And I believe these porn sites need to be held accountable. If it wasn't there to begin with it couldn't be looked for or found. This crime is a mind field and I'm learning daily. One image on your device is a crime in itself. I'm not condoning it in anyway but there is another side to it and by realising there is another side its helping me come to terms.
Your dad is still your dad. He's made. Mistake and I'm sure this is punishment enough. He will be mortified his daughter knows about it.
I'm glad you live a little bit away. Even for a lite while until you gey your head space together you could contact him when your ready to. Just look after your mum. She will need you.
I'm 10 weeks since the knock. I'm functioning a little better now. Eating and exercising mainly and talking to my mum when I need to vent. It's just soo soo shitty being here. But we are all here for you BS
Biggest hugs xxxxx
Oh and no more from the police my end, I got a claires law done for my own peace of mind and nothing came of that. He's voluntarily working with the police now answering their questions when needed and he's awaiting his charge. Should of been end of July but was put back till Sept. I'm praying in the next week weeks it's all over xxx
Thankyou so much for reply Yazznan it really does help reading other people experiences it makes you realise that your not on your own and sadly others are going through this.
I think its horrible that my dad was on a general porn site/ chat and he's unfortunately come across this and for the people to hide the links to make it look like it would contain adult material is just unreal its like they are trying to get people into it how absolutely vile
I really hope the police will see this with my dad and see the type of person he is.. mitigating circumstances etc think thats the worst thing that they've not charging him so its just waiting
I cant imagine what your going through it must be horrendous being with someone and not knowing and i hope things do work put the best for you
Its helping me too educating myself on the circumstances for porn addiction etc and the Internet is a scary place and I don't think i want to use it ever again in general for something so awful to come from something
Honestly thankyou for commenting on my posts it really does help i feel so alone sometimes ????
Please comment/post if you ever need a chat were all here to support one another
Hope for us both the police come back to us soon and hopefully end this nightmare
Sending lots of love and hugs xx
I think its horrible that my dad was on a general porn site/ chat and he's unfortunately come across this and for the people to hide the links to make it look like it would contain adult material is just unreal its like they are trying to get people into it how absolutely vile
I really hope the police will see this with my dad and see the type of person he is.. mitigating circumstances etc think thats the worst thing that they've not charging him so its just waiting
I cant imagine what your going through it must be horrendous being with someone and not knowing and i hope things do work put the best for you
Its helping me too educating myself on the circumstances for porn addiction etc and the Internet is a scary place and I don't think i want to use it ever again in general for something so awful to come from something
Honestly thankyou for commenting on my posts it really does help i feel so alone sometimes ????
Please comment/post if you ever need a chat were all here to support one another
Hope for us both the police come back to us soon and hopefully end this nightmare
Sending lots of love and hugs xx
Also can I ask what is claires law?
Xx
Xx
Hi BS
Aww you don't need to thank me that's why we are all here for one another for support. Thank you for your offer of listening that's really kind. Likewise if I can help you I will to.
From what iv read of your story your dad has just got lost in it all, I think it sounds like he's had a look and got caught up on something he shouldn't. You know your dad don't you I'm sure before all this you know him as a good person.
Unfortunately no one wants to think Of a parent and sex. Men are sexial creatures and are curious. I really hope you get some answers soon from the police and it doesn't drag out too long.
Claires law is an anonymous application to the police to find out if someone has a previous criminal record (mainly domestic violence info). As my Partner hid this huge secret from me I was recommended I ask for one to see if he posed any risk to me. I waited a week and I spoke to a police woman who said there were no further crimes to tell me about which was a slight relief. I felt guilty as he seems to have been honest with me since but I'm doing everything I can to protect myself.
Iv come off Facebook now, it's leading up to the cps decison.i guess I'm going into hiding for my own protection. I'm dreading it but in some ways wanting an answer once and for all. I'm hoping from what I have heard there are still no reporters allowed in court due to covid restrictions. I couldn't cope if his photo went in the paper. Then I cam move forward once and for all.
I read on your other post your bf has listened and looked into this a bit more. I'm so glad about that.
I think his reaction is the shock. I was the same. I condemned my partner at first. Then he started talking about suicide and having nothing to live for. He's got so much to loose from this. I wish he'd robbed a bank instead of this. Its crazy the thoughts I have!
I hope you've gotten through today. You've made it. You'll be a tiny bit stronger. Get some rest.
Night night xx
Aww you don't need to thank me that's why we are all here for one another for support. Thank you for your offer of listening that's really kind. Likewise if I can help you I will to.
From what iv read of your story your dad has just got lost in it all, I think it sounds like he's had a look and got caught up on something he shouldn't. You know your dad don't you I'm sure before all this you know him as a good person.
Unfortunately no one wants to think Of a parent and sex. Men are sexial creatures and are curious. I really hope you get some answers soon from the police and it doesn't drag out too long.
Claires law is an anonymous application to the police to find out if someone has a previous criminal record (mainly domestic violence info). As my Partner hid this huge secret from me I was recommended I ask for one to see if he posed any risk to me. I waited a week and I spoke to a police woman who said there were no further crimes to tell me about which was a slight relief. I felt guilty as he seems to have been honest with me since but I'm doing everything I can to protect myself.
Iv come off Facebook now, it's leading up to the cps decison.i guess I'm going into hiding for my own protection. I'm dreading it but in some ways wanting an answer once and for all. I'm hoping from what I have heard there are still no reporters allowed in court due to covid restrictions. I couldn't cope if his photo went in the paper. Then I cam move forward once and for all.
I read on your other post your bf has listened and looked into this a bit more. I'm so glad about that.
I think his reaction is the shock. I was the same. I condemned my partner at first. Then he started talking about suicide and having nothing to live for. He's got so much to loose from this. I wish he'd robbed a bank instead of this. Its crazy the thoughts I have!
I hope you've gotten through today. You've made it. You'll be a tiny bit stronger. Get some rest.
Night night xx
Hi
Yes i really think he has and unfortunately this has made him realise that he has had an addiction- after calling the helpline and getting some advice - I think the helpline is brill ive already phoned a few times and one guy I spoke to in particular really really helped me and I wish i could speak to him again just to thank him
Thankyou for explaining Claire law I dont think its something I have heard of before
Thinking of you while you are waiting for the cps decision hope it brings you some closure no matter which way it goes
Its sad that even though you've done nothing wrong we have to take steps such as coming off social media etc but I know how cruel some people can be and for your sake I really hope that it stays out of the papers and off social media - its one things that absolutely terrifies me
Yes he seems to have listened a bit more so I'm hoping things will move forward and he may feel he can speak with my dad - they had an amazing relationship and he looked up to him as a role model and said he would like to parent our children as my dad has me and my sister - i hope that isn't damaged
I feel a little brighter as we went into the afternoon and this evening and I hope i feel the same when I wake up
As you say we got through another day
Sending hugs good night x
Yes i really think he has and unfortunately this has made him realise that he has had an addiction- after calling the helpline and getting some advice - I think the helpline is brill ive already phoned a few times and one guy I spoke to in particular really really helped me and I wish i could speak to him again just to thank him
Thankyou for explaining Claire law I dont think its something I have heard of before
Thinking of you while you are waiting for the cps decision hope it brings you some closure no matter which way it goes
Its sad that even though you've done nothing wrong we have to take steps such as coming off social media etc but I know how cruel some people can be and for your sake I really hope that it stays out of the papers and off social media - its one things that absolutely terrifies me
Yes he seems to have listened a bit more so I'm hoping things will move forward and he may feel he can speak with my dad - they had an amazing relationship and he looked up to him as a role model and said he would like to parent our children as my dad has me and my sister - i hope that isn't damaged
I feel a little brighter as we went into the afternoon and this evening and I hope i feel the same when I wake up
As you say we got through another day
Sending hugs good night x
Thankyou lost 123
Xx
Xx
Just wanted to say hope your okay BS thinking of you xx
Hi Yaznan
I'm okay thankyou of thinking of me
I wake up anxious every day not knowing what the day will bring but sometimes it eases
I hope things will get easier
Thinking of you also
Hugs xx
I'm okay thankyou of thinking of me
I wake up anxious every day not knowing what the day will bring but sometimes it eases
I hope things will get easier
Thinking of you also
Hugs xx
Hi BS
Hope your okay and have managed to get through the last few days since we last spoke. Any news on your bf? Hope he's being supportive. How are things with your mum and dad?
Yaz x
Hope your okay and have managed to get through the last few days since we last spoke. Any news on your bf? Hope he's being supportive. How are things with your mum and dad?
Yaz x