Anxiety about the future
Notifications OFF
Hi girls
It's been almost 4 months since the knock. Husband is living with his parents but visits us daily and spends lots of time with me and the kids. We have come a long long way. We will both be doing the inform course very soon.
He's not due end of bail until November and no idea when court will be.
My mental health has took a real knocking and I am doing all I can to manage it through complimentary therapy stuff, counselling, medicarion etc. My anxiety for the future is still through the roof. I have a constant tightness in my chest.
The helpline say they discourage people from moving before they know the outcome. I just can't imagine feeling safe with the kids in the house or in the area if everyone knows. It's like not knowing if you're sitting on a time bomb! The last thing we want to do is uproot the kids out of school etc. It's just so hard!!
Just wondering your intentions or what you done?? Thanks girls. Xxxx
It's been almost 4 months since the knock. Husband is living with his parents but visits us daily and spends lots of time with me and the kids. We have come a long long way. We will both be doing the inform course very soon.
He's not due end of bail until November and no idea when court will be.
My mental health has took a real knocking and I am doing all I can to manage it through complimentary therapy stuff, counselling, medicarion etc. My anxiety for the future is still through the roof. I have a constant tightness in my chest.
The helpline say they discourage people from moving before they know the outcome. I just can't imagine feeling safe with the kids in the house or in the area if everyone knows. It's like not knowing if you're sitting on a time bomb! The last thing we want to do is uproot the kids out of school etc. It's just so hard!!
Just wondering your intentions or what you done?? Thanks girls. Xxxx
Hi Rainbow
I am staying where I am at the moment I need to keep my job best I can to keep paying the bills don't think I could move and start new job etc plus the kids are settled at present but that's just me I have plans to escape if becomes public or if relationship doesn't withstand this immense pressure. But you must do what's best for you some people move before but like with all of this there are no right or wrongs.
the anxiety will improve but you are likely to still have good and bad days and something will take you back to those early days and it will be intense and it will improve again.
I think as mums we just try and do what's best for the kids it's soo bloody hard we just want to get it right and reduce the effects this mess has on them!
big hugs, stay strong one day at a time x
I am staying where I am at the moment I need to keep my job best I can to keep paying the bills don't think I could move and start new job etc plus the kids are settled at present but that's just me I have plans to escape if becomes public or if relationship doesn't withstand this immense pressure. But you must do what's best for you some people move before but like with all of this there are no right or wrongs.
the anxiety will improve but you are likely to still have good and bad days and something will take you back to those early days and it will be intense and it will improve again.
I think as mums we just try and do what's best for the kids it's soo bloody hard we just want to get it right and reduce the effects this mess has on them!
big hugs, stay strong one day at a time x
Post deleted by user
Hi Summer
Thank you for your reply. Yes I feel very similar to you in that I want to stay here too.... Whilst putting money aside.... just incase!
It's so hard when you go from being a 50/50 parent with your husband and suddenly it's all down to you to keep them safe. Social services safeguard against their dad but don't wanna know around the risk if this gets into the media.
How long has it been for you? Do you know when court is?
Some days are worse than others with anxiety aren't they? I do my absolute best to practise mindfulness... Mediation etc... To be in the moment.... One day and one step at a time is the only way through this. Somehow we have gotten through almost 4 months so far!!
Take care... Sending love and strength Xxxxxxx
Thank you for your reply. Yes I feel very similar to you in that I want to stay here too.... Whilst putting money aside.... just incase!
It's so hard when you go from being a 50/50 parent with your husband and suddenly it's all down to you to keep them safe. Social services safeguard against their dad but don't wanna know around the risk if this gets into the media.
How long has it been for you? Do you know when court is?
Some days are worse than others with anxiety aren't they? I do my absolute best to practise mindfulness... Mediation etc... To be in the moment.... One day and one step at a time is the only way through this. Somehow we have gotten through almost 4 months so far!!
Take care... Sending love and strength Xxxxxxx
Rainbow, it's been 15 months since the knock, I had not long had a baby when they came and I have another who's just turned 3 so although I did a lot anyway that's because I was home and he was working! But this was not what I was expecting he was meant to be taking up the slack covering any weekend work etc. Resentment starts to build when I'm doing everything. Childcare wise and I'm sure they're not getting the best mum that could be. He's still bringing in some money but if he doesn't I can't get childcare help as benifits think well he can look after them. Not straight forward.
people like Hv have rattled on about self care etc I'm like I don't have time I've just got to get on with it cus no other option!my family aren't local so not much help his mum is oblivious to the seriousness of it haven't even asked me how I am recently. There is soo many aspects and repercussions to this crime that no one external considers. The sw closed the case and although I'm greatful she's not in our life at the moment the last 15 months has been hell and could have done with some additional help during this stressful time surely having a stressed out mum going back to work has some affect on the kids? But they're not interested!
relation to the media there is that it helps no one! but also I can't see how all sexual offences if first offence low risk level is auto placed on SOR he not likely to work properly again therefore all of the effects on the kids no extra lessens or reduced opportunities not best car seats or possibly food no kids type holidays etc so how is this safeguarding the kids I may have to move prob all happen when little one starts school so then that will mess them up soo frustrating!
My oh continues to say he's not guilty of what they say so we will be spending 1000s in court so that benifits my kids or they won't have a dad and that benifits them too not! All for 1 communication with a decoy nothing else at all. I haven't read the communication as police won't give to sw but no pics no meet no asking for personal info he didn't think it was a kid he was talking to on a adult site so my 2 kids get all this shit in thier life and no harm has even come to a child I can't see how this all figures.
have a good day lovley, we've got to be strong for our kiddies as they deserve the best!
people like Hv have rattled on about self care etc I'm like I don't have time I've just got to get on with it cus no other option!my family aren't local so not much help his mum is oblivious to the seriousness of it haven't even asked me how I am recently. There is soo many aspects and repercussions to this crime that no one external considers. The sw closed the case and although I'm greatful she's not in our life at the moment the last 15 months has been hell and could have done with some additional help during this stressful time surely having a stressed out mum going back to work has some affect on the kids? But they're not interested!
relation to the media there is that it helps no one! but also I can't see how all sexual offences if first offence low risk level is auto placed on SOR he not likely to work properly again therefore all of the effects on the kids no extra lessens or reduced opportunities not best car seats or possibly food no kids type holidays etc so how is this safeguarding the kids I may have to move prob all happen when little one starts school so then that will mess them up soo frustrating!
My oh continues to say he's not guilty of what they say so we will be spending 1000s in court so that benifits my kids or they won't have a dad and that benifits them too not! All for 1 communication with a decoy nothing else at all. I haven't read the communication as police won't give to sw but no pics no meet no asking for personal info he didn't think it was a kid he was talking to on a adult site so my 2 kids get all this shit in thier life and no harm has even come to a child I can't see how this all figures.
have a good day lovley, we've got to be strong for our kiddies as they deserve the best!
Oh wow Summer you're going through so much my love! Many of you say you were pregnant when the knock came. I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been. We are emotional roller coasters enough when pregnant.
Yes the repercussions of this offence are astronomical! Its literally a bomb dropped on your whole life. It's hard enough when nobody knows... Never mind if they find out. I honestly feel like we have to make a stand and do something drastic to protect us families. Lost 123 has been in contact with a University lecturer who is conducting a study. I made contact too and I am going to complete the questionnaire about the impact of this offence.
I think society's opinion and lack of awareness of this offence is the hardest part. As well as the over management of risk from social services... Forcing us to live as single parents and our partners to feel like the most useless parent in the world. We are trying to do as much as we can together. This week he has been down to help with the kids in the morning a couple of days. I am working from home 3 days so it helps. I worry about the resentment building so we are both trying to get him to do as much as possible.
I know you have very little time but grab it when you can. A hot hubble bath or read your book for 10 mins before you go to sleep. I'm sure you are an amazing mum!! I think we all must be to be still standing after this bomb is dropped on us.
Take care Xxxxxxx
Yes the repercussions of this offence are astronomical! Its literally a bomb dropped on your whole life. It's hard enough when nobody knows... Never mind if they find out. I honestly feel like we have to make a stand and do something drastic to protect us families. Lost 123 has been in contact with a University lecturer who is conducting a study. I made contact too and I am going to complete the questionnaire about the impact of this offence.
I think society's opinion and lack of awareness of this offence is the hardest part. As well as the over management of risk from social services... Forcing us to live as single parents and our partners to feel like the most useless parent in the world. We are trying to do as much as we can together. This week he has been down to help with the kids in the morning a couple of days. I am working from home 3 days so it helps. I worry about the resentment building so we are both trying to get him to do as much as possible.
I know you have very little time but grab it when you can. A hot hubble bath or read your book for 10 mins before you go to sleep. I'm sure you are an amazing mum!! I think we all must be to be still standing after this bomb is dropped on us.
Take care Xxxxxxx
I honestly thought this would be over one way or another by now. He is still at home no unsupervised contact. Hate to think in time my daughter Thinks all of the care is all up to the woman in a relationship.
im not allowed to work from home which is a pain but really has been good having to get up and go into work. I never knew I had this strength we defo are a strong bunch! X
im not allowed to work from home which is a pain but really has been good having to get up and go into work. I never knew I had this strength we defo are a strong bunch! X
I feel like i have become a much stronger person after going through this. We all are. We are also 4 months down the line, for a communication offence. I have literally becone a single mum overnight, dad is still not allowed any contact. Luckily my two are a little older than yours so are in school each day whilst I'm at work. Sending hugs x
It's hard on us all in all different ways! I guess the hardest bit is we were oblivious to what was going on and how differ t our lives are than what we expected it to be. Never in a million years did I think we would have the police at the door a social worker coming around in a professional capacity being questioned if I am protective enough of my kids. Worrying about knocks at the door but this is life now and I have had bereavements which I thought would tip me over the edge but I'm still working and fighting for my family thier dad made an error of judgement and massive mistake but that doesn't make him all bad. One day at a time that's all I can do! Stay strong lovely x
Awww Summer you sound so similar to me and we are bloody amazing!!!
I too have been through bereavement of losing both of my parents n my mum being ill with dementia for many years. My mental health hit rock bottom but I too got through it. As heart breaking as this all is... Where there's lire there's hope. I know my bereavements be mental health took its toll on my husband too which would have also impacted his mental health sadly. Men don't deal with stress and emotions the way we do. I just wish he would have turned to drink or drugs or gambling!
Yes you're right though our husbands have made a huge mistake and they will pay for it. They are still out husbands. They got drawn into an unreal online world. In real life they were the honourable and amazing men we know they are and will continue to be. Don't know about your husband but mine still hates himself so so much. I hope he gets his self respect back over time.
Awww it made me really really sad what you said about your daughter. I am presuming she is still in nappies etc? Maybe dad can do the bedtime stories and eventually the homework etc so she hopefully won't notice the division.
We will all get through this... A stage at a time. Take each day and enjoy the times we can. Xxxx
I too have been through bereavement of losing both of my parents n my mum being ill with dementia for many years. My mental health hit rock bottom but I too got through it. As heart breaking as this all is... Where there's lire there's hope. I know my bereavements be mental health took its toll on my husband too which would have also impacted his mental health sadly. Men don't deal with stress and emotions the way we do. I just wish he would have turned to drink or drugs or gambling!
Yes you're right though our husbands have made a huge mistake and they will pay for it. They are still out husbands. They got drawn into an unreal online world. In real life they were the honourable and amazing men we know they are and will continue to be. Don't know about your husband but mine still hates himself so so much. I hope he gets his self respect back over time.
Awww it made me really really sad what you said about your daughter. I am presuming she is still in nappies etc? Maybe dad can do the bedtime stories and eventually the homework etc so she hopefully won't notice the division.
We will all get through this... A stage at a time. Take each day and enjoy the times we can. Xxxx
Al24 I cannot believe dad still isn't allowed contact?? How old are the kids and how are they? Social services don't give a shit about children's welfare... Just over managing risk!!!! You certainly are doing amazing coping... We all are!!!! Xxxx
I know, it's a nightmare. Luckily the kids seem fine, they're 5 and 7 and just believe daddy is still working away. They're currently saying that won't change until the end of the investigation and we all know how long that could take! Taking each day as it comes.