Anyone been through similar?
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Hi ladies,
My ex got the knock back in feb, I was 5 months pregnant at the time. He was caught via images he had sent on KIK.
I ended the relationship but have kept in contact via phone and txts. I love him, but the more I have learned about what he was doing In secret throughout our relationship the more it has broken me. I gave birth alone to our daughter in June and I have made the decision not to allow contact. I have a son from a previous relationship whom had a good relationship with my ex.
He says he has a porn addiction which morphed over time. He has admitted to watching videos, looking at images, sending these to other people, having ‘conversations’ going on KIK to chat to others- anything for a sexual thrill he said. I’m thinking the chat may well have included children by his reaction when I asked who he was chatting with. I hope I’m wrong.
Is anyone in a similar situation? I’m holding it together for my children’s sake, but I feel destroyed by this. I adored this man, I thought he was my soul mate. I can’t believe the lies and betrayal. He’s doing all the courses, 12 steps etc. I just feel stuck in this grief right now. I’m having therapy with a stop so therapist but would really like to hear how people deal with the heartache of this.
Thanks for reading.
My ex got the knock back in feb, I was 5 months pregnant at the time. He was caught via images he had sent on KIK.
I ended the relationship but have kept in contact via phone and txts. I love him, but the more I have learned about what he was doing In secret throughout our relationship the more it has broken me. I gave birth alone to our daughter in June and I have made the decision not to allow contact. I have a son from a previous relationship whom had a good relationship with my ex.
He says he has a porn addiction which morphed over time. He has admitted to watching videos, looking at images, sending these to other people, having ‘conversations’ going on KIK to chat to others- anything for a sexual thrill he said. I’m thinking the chat may well have included children by his reaction when I asked who he was chatting with. I hope I’m wrong.
Is anyone in a similar situation? I’m holding it together for my children’s sake, but I feel destroyed by this. I adored this man, I thought he was my soul mate. I can’t believe the lies and betrayal. He’s doing all the courses, 12 steps etc. I just feel stuck in this grief right now. I’m having therapy with a stop so therapist but would really like to hear how people deal with the heartache of this.
Thanks for reading.
Hi Marie,
I see you haven't had a reply! I don't drop in the forums that often so have only seen your question now. So sorry you find yourself in this sad situation. I think everyone that is on this forum has been through something similar. I am 10months post 'knock' and have been on an emotional rollercoaster. But things have improved slowly -with time. TIME is one thing that helps: you cannot possible keep feeling the intense emotions that you experience when you first discover that your partner has been lieing and about where he's been. It's like grief - and if you know the sort of time range it takes to work through the stages of grief then you get some idea of how long the whole process takes to get through. I would recommend phoning the LFF helpline - the people on the other end are great at listening and understanding and giving advice if necessary. Sending you warmest wishes for you and your family.
I see you haven't had a reply! I don't drop in the forums that often so have only seen your question now. So sorry you find yourself in this sad situation. I think everyone that is on this forum has been through something similar. I am 10months post 'knock' and have been on an emotional rollercoaster. But things have improved slowly -with time. TIME is one thing that helps: you cannot possible keep feeling the intense emotions that you experience when you first discover that your partner has been lieing and about where he's been. It's like grief - and if you know the sort of time range it takes to work through the stages of grief then you get some idea of how long the whole process takes to get through. I would recommend phoning the LFF helpline - the people on the other end are great at listening and understanding and giving advice if necessary. Sending you warmest wishes for you and your family.
Tutley- Thankyou for your reply.
My counsellor said the same thing about the stages of grief. It is a grieving process isn’t it.
My daughter looks like her father and my love for her is often mixed with sadness, it’s a horrible situation that we have all been placed in.
I hope things are as well as they can be for you. Xx
My counsellor said the same thing about the stages of grief. It is a grieving process isn’t it.
My daughter looks like her father and my love for her is often mixed with sadness, it’s a horrible situation that we have all been placed in.
I hope things are as well as they can be for you. Xx
Marie.
I got the knock at the door on tuesday. Its early days and I have told my husband I am done. I got the police to take his keys and he has been bailed out of the county. Social services arrived unannounced tonight. I wish I could say it was my first involvement with them but no. Thanks to my husband and his father I have to go through it all again. My daughter was sexually assaulted by her grandad, her dads dad. We found out he'd been talking about going stuff, sending images etc and I reported him. I stopped all contact straight away, hes not been seen since by me, the husband or my kids. He didnt get charged, apparently the word of a 5yr is not enough for the cps. Her dad apparently mortified and doesnt understand what hes done and wants to protect her. He does this by accessing Kik and doing god knows what. Police have barely scratched the surface. All I know so far is its Cat A. I did all the courses before, so did he. I just dont understand why he would do it. I would work with social and family services when it comes to your child seeing your ex, def not unsupervised. Maybe even a contact centre. It's a horrible situation to be in and noone understands really unless they have been there. I am sadly at the beginning again, blaming myself for not knowing what he was doing. All his devices are password protected etc and we dont share our devices. He has argued he is not well and not in his right mind. But my arguement is no matter what he did something noone should ever do and theres no coming back from it. Some do get the help and can be rehabilitated but others cant. It can get worse. I hope things work out for you and your family. Sorry for my ramblings. I lost my point. Take care.
I got the knock at the door on tuesday. Its early days and I have told my husband I am done. I got the police to take his keys and he has been bailed out of the county. Social services arrived unannounced tonight. I wish I could say it was my first involvement with them but no. Thanks to my husband and his father I have to go through it all again. My daughter was sexually assaulted by her grandad, her dads dad. We found out he'd been talking about going stuff, sending images etc and I reported him. I stopped all contact straight away, hes not been seen since by me, the husband or my kids. He didnt get charged, apparently the word of a 5yr is not enough for the cps. Her dad apparently mortified and doesnt understand what hes done and wants to protect her. He does this by accessing Kik and doing god knows what. Police have barely scratched the surface. All I know so far is its Cat A. I did all the courses before, so did he. I just dont understand why he would do it. I would work with social and family services when it comes to your child seeing your ex, def not unsupervised. Maybe even a contact centre. It's a horrible situation to be in and noone understands really unless they have been there. I am sadly at the beginning again, blaming myself for not knowing what he was doing. All his devices are password protected etc and we dont share our devices. He has argued he is not well and not in his right mind. But my arguement is no matter what he did something noone should ever do and theres no coming back from it. Some do get the help and can be rehabilitated but others cant. It can get worse. I hope things work out for you and your family. Sorry for my ramblings. I lost my point. Take care.
Sorry, I’ve only just seen your reply here, thankyou.
It’s the last thing we would expect. I didnt even know my ex looked at porn ( I feel ridiculous saying this now) never mind was addicted to it, never mind was looking at iioc. He seemed completely normal in that respect, we had a good relationship, at least I thought we did.
They were very very good at hiding what they are doing from those close to them, and as it’s the last thing we would think them capable of we weren’t looking for signs.
Xx
It’s the last thing we would expect. I didnt even know my ex looked at porn ( I feel ridiculous saying this now) never mind was addicted to it, never mind was looking at iioc. He seemed completely normal in that respect, we had a good relationship, at least I thought we did.
They were very very good at hiding what they are doing from those close to them, and as it’s the last thing we would think them capable of we weren’t looking for signs.
Xx