Where do we go now?
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5yrs ago my son was arrested, his electronic equipment seized and he was eventually charged with downloading illegal images. It took a year of sheer hell to reach magistrates and then crown court, where he received a 12 month sentenance, suspended for 3yrs. He was put on for probation for 3yrs which included weekly group counselling sessions and also put on the SOR for 5yrs.
The probation period finished last year. Just as we thought we were getting on with our lives, last week the PPU turned up and have seized his phone. They are unhappy with some of the websites he's been browsing. The hell is starting all over again.
When he was young, my son went from bubbly and outgoing to reserved and withdrawn and it's always been a struggle to get him involved with things. After the PPU people left, my husband and I talked with him and we found out why.
When he was 11yrs old, my ex-partner sexually abused him. It co-incides with my ex suddenly declaring that he 'needed some space' and abruptly left. I didn't have a clue about the abuse and my son has carried the guilt, shame and burden of this for the past 21 years. I feel such a fool as I should have known something was wrong and should have protected my child. I feel that I have let him down. My son does not want to press charges against my ex, but I feel that he is just protecting that evil evil monster, who has wrecked his life.
My husband and I are fully supporting my son over this and are seeking counselling for him. We're hoping medication may also help with his anxiety and depression.
I feel that I need some help too but I don't know where to turn to or what to do anymore.
The probation period finished last year. Just as we thought we were getting on with our lives, last week the PPU turned up and have seized his phone. They are unhappy with some of the websites he's been browsing. The hell is starting all over again.
When he was young, my son went from bubbly and outgoing to reserved and withdrawn and it's always been a struggle to get him involved with things. After the PPU people left, my husband and I talked with him and we found out why.
When he was 11yrs old, my ex-partner sexually abused him. It co-incides with my ex suddenly declaring that he 'needed some space' and abruptly left. I didn't have a clue about the abuse and my son has carried the guilt, shame and burden of this for the past 21 years. I feel such a fool as I should have known something was wrong and should have protected my child. I feel that I have let him down. My son does not want to press charges against my ex, but I feel that he is just protecting that evil evil monster, who has wrecked his life.
My husband and I are fully supporting my son over this and are seeking counselling for him. We're hoping medication may also help with his anxiety and depression.
I feel that I need some help too but I don't know where to turn to or what to do anymore.
Hi Ziggy I am so so sorry to hear about your son. Maybe this explains his offence a little?! It's important that you do not blame yourself but I know as a mother you must feel that it was your job to protect him. I am not sure if your ex was his biological father but either way you are not guilty for trusting your partner with your son.
I have heard another lady on here talk about an organisation called Mosac who offer support to the non offending partner. Please look them up and call. Also I'm sure the helpline on here will be able to offer some guidance as to what organisations can support you.
Please try to be kind to yourself. You most be in shock right now too. Xxx
I have heard another lady on here talk about an organisation called Mosac who offer support to the non offending partner. Please look them up and call. Also I'm sure the helpline on here will be able to offer some guidance as to what organisations can support you.
Please try to be kind to yourself. You most be in shock right now too. Xxx
Hi Rainbowgirl
Thank you for your kind words.
You are right, it explains everything. Back in 2015, my husband and I couldn't understand why my son did what he did. He wouldn't let us get involved with his case as he was embarrassed and disgusted with himself.
His abuser is not his father. I had an amicable separstion with his dad when he was 2yrs old
I was with his abuser for 6yrs and as far as can make out, the abuse only occurred once. I asked my son why it has taken him so long to tell me and he said he wanted to protect because I was upset about split. He was 11yrs old and needed my protection, not the other way around. At the time, I did reassure him that everything would be ok, I thought he was anxious because he was about to start high schoo.
I didn't have a relationship for 6yrs when I met my husband. We have been together for 15yrs and married for 7yrs. Luckily, we're a strong unit and will help my son through this. We're very concerned about his mental health and spoke with a couple of agencies. It seems that because he works fulltime, isn't suicidal, an alcoholic or drug addict then they don't seem to have taken his mental health issues seriously. He is still trying to contact our GP for an appointment and has made an initial apointment this week with a counsellor.
Thank you for the tip about the MOSAC organistion. I will look into it but at the moment, I am in pieces and am finding it extremely difficult to talk about this.
Ziggy xx
Thank you for your kind words.
You are right, it explains everything. Back in 2015, my husband and I couldn't understand why my son did what he did. He wouldn't let us get involved with his case as he was embarrassed and disgusted with himself.
His abuser is not his father. I had an amicable separstion with his dad when he was 2yrs old
I was with his abuser for 6yrs and as far as can make out, the abuse only occurred once. I asked my son why it has taken him so long to tell me and he said he wanted to protect because I was upset about split. He was 11yrs old and needed my protection, not the other way around. At the time, I did reassure him that everything would be ok, I thought he was anxious because he was about to start high schoo.
I didn't have a relationship for 6yrs when I met my husband. We have been together for 15yrs and married for 7yrs. Luckily, we're a strong unit and will help my son through this. We're very concerned about his mental health and spoke with a couple of agencies. It seems that because he works fulltime, isn't suicidal, an alcoholic or drug addict then they don't seem to have taken his mental health issues seriously. He is still trying to contact our GP for an appointment and has made an initial apointment this week with a counsellor.
Thank you for the tip about the MOSAC organistion. I will look into it but at the moment, I am in pieces and am finding it extremely difficult to talk about this.
Ziggy xx
Hi again
I'm so sorry to hear what you're having to come to terms with. I am pleased though that it's not his biological father or your current partner. I hope that helps with things a little. Please try not to blame yourself. Sexual abuse is very complex. Your son would have been groomed and made to feel partly responsible so he would never have been able to confide with you at the time. The positive thing is that he is opening up and talking about this now. He sounds like he has a lot of support from you and your husband which will help him I'm sure. There are specialist sexual abuse counselling services that should be able to work with him. He may come to a point where he wants to take legal action. Or he may not but he will start to unravel some of these buried emotions. You definitely sound like you need some counselling too. Xxx
I'm so sorry to hear what you're having to come to terms with. I am pleased though that it's not his biological father or your current partner. I hope that helps with things a little. Please try not to blame yourself. Sexual abuse is very complex. Your son would have been groomed and made to feel partly responsible so he would never have been able to confide with you at the time. The positive thing is that he is opening up and talking about this now. He sounds like he has a lot of support from you and your husband which will help him I'm sure. There are specialist sexual abuse counselling services that should be able to work with him. He may come to a point where he wants to take legal action. Or he may not but he will start to unravel some of these buried emotions. You definitely sound like you need some counselling too. Xxx
Hi Rainbowgirl
Once again, thank you for your very kind and wise words.
I will have counselling but at the moment this is all very raw and I am too emotional to speak with anyone. I am feeling less wobbly today, there's been no tears so far anyway.
I sent a message to the help section on this website and am awaiting their reply. It does state that it takes I few days and I will follow their advice.
I looked on the MOSAC site but it appears to be for the London area only. I'm in the North, I'll do some research and will find something local.
Big hugs to you xx
Once again, thank you for your very kind and wise words.
I will have counselling but at the moment this is all very raw and I am too emotional to speak with anyone. I am feeling less wobbly today, there's been no tears so far anyway.
I sent a message to the help section on this website and am awaiting their reply. It does state that it takes I few days and I will follow their advice.
I looked on the MOSAC site but it appears to be for the London area only. I'm in the North, I'll do some research and will find something local.
Big hugs to you xx
Hi love just replied to you on the other post. Call the helpline even if just to cry.... It will help you find some words to discuss how you're feeling.
Be kind to yourself xxxxx
Be kind to yourself xxxxx
Ziggy do call Mosac. .they are London based and can only do face to face in London but they are at the end of the phone and are truly brilliant. They don't need you to be compus mentus when you call.
I have found nothing else anywhere in the country that supports like they do (in three years of looking) This is of limited use to me I feel because of the context of posters. Not an issue just my situation is different, it feels like there is more support for the abuser than the abused or the families surrounding either side.
But really do give them a call xxx
I have found nothing else anywhere in the country that supports like they do (in three years of looking) This is of limited use to me I feel because of the context of posters. Not an issue just my situation is different, it feels like there is more support for the abuser than the abused or the families surrounding either side.
But really do give them a call xxx
Hi Mum in distress
Thank you for your advice.
I'm still devastated about this but am feeling a bit stronger and that I'm able to speak with somebody over the phone.
I will give them a call this week, hopefully they'll be able to recommend somebody local to me.
Ziggy x
Thank you for your advice.
I'm still devastated about this but am feeling a bit stronger and that I'm able to speak with somebody over the phone.
I will give them a call this week, hopefully they'll be able to recommend somebody local to me.
Ziggy x