Just looking for abit of positivity
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Afternoon,
Its been a while since i last posted, long story short, husband was arrested in April 2019 for iioc to say i was totally blind sided by this is a total understatement.
We have gone through so much in that time, husband moving out for a short period, i did the inform course, hb has joined SAA group, seeing a counsellor, we have had marriage counselling.
Crown court is coming this week and im just sooo scared of this getting out, hb keeps telling me to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow but how the freak can i get these worries out of my head!!
Please can anyone just send me some postive vibes, i cant change whats going to happen but how do you move on if it becomes public?
Thankyou and enjoy your Saturday
Mata xx
Its been a while since i last posted, long story short, husband was arrested in April 2019 for iioc to say i was totally blind sided by this is a total understatement.
We have gone through so much in that time, husband moving out for a short period, i did the inform course, hb has joined SAA group, seeing a counsellor, we have had marriage counselling.
Crown court is coming this week and im just sooo scared of this getting out, hb keeps telling me to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow but how the freak can i get these worries out of my head!!
Please can anyone just send me some postive vibes, i cant change whats going to happen but how do you move on if it becomes public?
Thankyou and enjoy your Saturday
Mata xx
Hello Mata,
i was in your situation about 6 weeks ago and it's absolutely horrible. You have my sympathies. My husbands case was reported in the media at the pre hearing court appearance at the magistrates court but weirdly not at the crown court sentencing bit. From what I gather it's down to luck in the day. There was a journalist at one of the hearings but not the other. The LFF helpline told me that it was unlikely to be reported at the pre hearing stage but it was so I wasn't prepared for that and I was devastated.
I'm now in the situation where I have no idea who knows and who doesn't but that was 6 weeks ago now and it's getting easier by the day. I came off social media so I couldn't be tagged in any posts and that gave me some control over the situation. I promise your will get through this bit ias you've come so far already. On a positive note it also means that the investigation part is done and dusted and you can get on with your lives....
take care xx
i was in your situation about 6 weeks ago and it's absolutely horrible. You have my sympathies. My husbands case was reported in the media at the pre hearing court appearance at the magistrates court but weirdly not at the crown court sentencing bit. From what I gather it's down to luck in the day. There was a journalist at one of the hearings but not the other. The LFF helpline told me that it was unlikely to be reported at the pre hearing stage but it was so I wasn't prepared for that and I was devastated.
I'm now in the situation where I have no idea who knows and who doesn't but that was 6 weeks ago now and it's getting easier by the day. I came off social media so I couldn't be tagged in any posts and that gave me some control over the situation. I promise your will get through this bit ias you've come so far already. On a positive note it also means that the investigation part is done and dusted and you can get on with your lives....
take care xx
Hi mata
Big hugs. I'm at the same stage as you. It's horrendous the wait, the investigation, the shock of it all, then who or doesn't know. Its such a turmoil for us in this situation. I don't know how iv carried on since the knock. Iv been in a daze ever since consumed in my thoughts and worries. I don't think the media should report on these cases to protect the family members.
Iv come to the conclusion that it's out of my hands all of it. I can worry and destroy my today worrying or I can try and take the day as it comes. What will be will be right? Easier said then done but I say this over and over this is out of my control, it will soon be over, and other day closer to the outcome etc.
My Partner was charged and we are awaiting plea hearing in Jan. I haven't decided if we are still together or not. I'm still weighing up can I live with the repercussions. If it comes out in my community etc. I'm just taking it day by day.
Are you staying with your partner? I'm torn I really am. I have days we're I'm fine then other days I'm a complete mess and I just sob. But it's the roller-coaster I'm on and I said to him the other day you've caused me to be this way.
I really hope you have some support whilst this is going on. Iv deactivated all social media so that no one can find or message me. I find that I feel iv taken back some control to protect myself.
Take care
Yaz xx
Big hugs. I'm at the same stage as you. It's horrendous the wait, the investigation, the shock of it all, then who or doesn't know. Its such a turmoil for us in this situation. I don't know how iv carried on since the knock. Iv been in a daze ever since consumed in my thoughts and worries. I don't think the media should report on these cases to protect the family members.
Iv come to the conclusion that it's out of my hands all of it. I can worry and destroy my today worrying or I can try and take the day as it comes. What will be will be right? Easier said then done but I say this over and over this is out of my control, it will soon be over, and other day closer to the outcome etc.
My Partner was charged and we are awaiting plea hearing in Jan. I haven't decided if we are still together or not. I'm still weighing up can I live with the repercussions. If it comes out in my community etc. I'm just taking it day by day.
Are you staying with your partner? I'm torn I really am. I have days we're I'm fine then other days I'm a complete mess and I just sob. But it's the roller-coaster I'm on and I said to him the other day you've caused me to be this way.
I really hope you have some support whilst this is going on. Iv deactivated all social media so that no one can find or message me. I find that I feel iv taken back some control to protect myself.
Take care
Yaz xx
BelleBee and Yaz,
Thank you both for your replies ??
Yaz, I'm am staying with hb, and I am with you about being on a roller coaster (which we all don't want to be on) I don't like how I have changed tbh, I feel I have my barriers up now which weren't there before but as I've told hb I don't want to get hurt again.
I've seen alot of ladies have deactivated social media, I have changed all my privacy settings on FB will have to decide what I'm going to do.
Keep the faith and take care
X
Thank you both for your replies ??
Yaz, I'm am staying with hb, and I am with you about being on a roller coaster (which we all don't want to be on) I don't like how I have changed tbh, I feel I have my barriers up now which weren't there before but as I've told hb I don't want to get hurt again.
I've seen alot of ladies have deactivated social media, I have changed all my privacy settings on FB will have to decide what I'm going to do.
Keep the faith and take care
X
Dear mata
I hear what you say about feeling like you have changed. I too myself feel I have, and not for the better. It's good to have been able to make your decision stay with your hb, I can't decide. We have been together coming up to 2 years so relatively a short time. I just find myself snapping at him very easily. In that moment I feel angry and annoyance then later on when I'm calm I feel guilty.
I feel angry for being in the situation. I feel jealousy towards others who seem to have it altogether. Iv deleted social media to hide I guess and not to be reminded of how shit my life is right now. I just exist. I go to work I come home.
We haven't spent the night together since the knock. I asked him to leave. But I miss him terribly. Living alone is hard. But I couldnt have him with me either. Not that anyone but the police knows I feel highly embarrassed. In my head I feel like it's out and I'm associated. And I'm not. I haven't even done anything but live with the punishment of his accusation. It's stupid. I just hope court is discreet and reporters don't get wind of it. It would crucify me.
One day this will be gone, for me, for you, for all of us on here. As women of these partners, first and foremost, we have to look after ourselves. We are carrying the burden of this crime. We have to be strong and communicate with others on this forum, as each day goes by, as hard as it is, we must be strong and get through it. It won't last forever.
Big hugs
Yaz x
I hear what you say about feeling like you have changed. I too myself feel I have, and not for the better. It's good to have been able to make your decision stay with your hb, I can't decide. We have been together coming up to 2 years so relatively a short time. I just find myself snapping at him very easily. In that moment I feel angry and annoyance then later on when I'm calm I feel guilty.
I feel angry for being in the situation. I feel jealousy towards others who seem to have it altogether. Iv deleted social media to hide I guess and not to be reminded of how shit my life is right now. I just exist. I go to work I come home.
We haven't spent the night together since the knock. I asked him to leave. But I miss him terribly. Living alone is hard. But I couldnt have him with me either. Not that anyone but the police knows I feel highly embarrassed. In my head I feel like it's out and I'm associated. And I'm not. I haven't even done anything but live with the punishment of his accusation. It's stupid. I just hope court is discreet and reporters don't get wind of it. It would crucify me.
One day this will be gone, for me, for you, for all of us on here. As women of these partners, first and foremost, we have to look after ourselves. We are carrying the burden of this crime. We have to be strong and communicate with others on this forum, as each day goes by, as hard as it is, we must be strong and get through it. It won't last forever.
Big hugs
Yaz x
Hey girls
It makes me so sad and angry reading your posts... That we go through all of this trauma and then have to worry about the effing media risk. It should not even be an issue. This is a horrid crime but our husbands are not the perpetrators so there's no victim. The media risk is the hardest park. The fear of everyone you've ever known finding out and not trying to understand.
I agree on the absolute roller-coaster. We are 4 months tomorrow post knock and are together as a family most of the time but he can't live with us properly. There are times I enjoy every second n times I feel my blood boil at the bomb that's been dropped on our life. If he wasn't an amazing husband, dad and we hadn't had 20 years I would not go through all of this. I hope in the long term we are stong enough to make it. I hope you all are too.
Lots of love xxxxx
It makes me so sad and angry reading your posts... That we go through all of this trauma and then have to worry about the effing media risk. It should not even be an issue. This is a horrid crime but our husbands are not the perpetrators so there's no victim. The media risk is the hardest park. The fear of everyone you've ever known finding out and not trying to understand.
I agree on the absolute roller-coaster. We are 4 months tomorrow post knock and are together as a family most of the time but he can't live with us properly. There are times I enjoy every second n times I feel my blood boil at the bomb that's been dropped on our life. If he wasn't an amazing husband, dad and we hadn't had 20 years I would not go through all of this. I hope in the long term we are stong enough to make it. I hope you all are too.
Lots of love xxxxx
Ahhh rainbow
You've worded that so perfectly. And your so right we don't deserve none of this. Not even the worry! We didn't do any of this!
When I'm having a bad day I keep repeating this over and over and try and reassure myself.
I already have my speech planned just in case it does become known god forbid.
But I totally can relate to having moments of happiness then they are short lived by the pang of anger that soon appears followed by anxiety of the future. I hope your staying strong through this and your another day closer to the outcome x x x
You've worded that so perfectly. And your so right we don't deserve none of this. Not even the worry! We didn't do any of this!
When I'm having a bad day I keep repeating this over and over and try and reassure myself.
I already have my speech planned just in case it does become known god forbid.
But I totally can relate to having moments of happiness then they are short lived by the pang of anger that soon appears followed by anxiety of the future. I hope your staying strong through this and your another day closer to the outcome x x x