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Hello,
My Dad has been arrested and charged for accessing indecent images of children. He is due to be sentenced soon. My family are completely torn apart and I feel like our lives will never be the same. I don't have much real life support as I don't want to tell people. I feel angry, let down, upset and scared.
I saw this forum and thought perhaps I could gain some support from it.
Thank you
My Dad has been arrested and charged for accessing indecent images of children. He is due to be sentenced soon. My family are completely torn apart and I feel like our lives will never be the same. I don't have much real life support as I don't want to tell people. I feel angry, let down, upset and scared.
I saw this forum and thought perhaps I could gain some support from it.
Thank you
Hi, sorry to hear you're struggling so much. This is an absolute roller-coaster of emotions. Not sure what stage you're upto, how long it's been since your dad was arrested? For me it's my husband and its been 4 months. Things are still tough but feeling less raw.
Are you calling the helpline often? They were my saviour.. I am going to be doing the inform course soon too which I hope with help.
This offence is very complex and definitely not black and white. Its important we give ourselves time to let the shock settle and try to understand as much as we can. Xx
Are you calling the helpline often? They were my saviour.. I am going to be doing the inform course soon too which I hope with help.
This offence is very complex and definitely not black and white. Its important we give ourselves time to let the shock settle and try to understand as much as we can. Xx
Hi RainbowGirl80 thank you so much for replying to my post. I'm really sorry for what you are going through as well. My Dad was arrested and charged about a month ago. The initial shock has mainly passed but I feel so sad and scared and anxious all the time about the future. I haven't called the helpline yet but I will need to look at other support I can get as not really coping all that well at the moment.
I would also really like to do the inform course. If you don't mind me asking, how did you arrange that? I feel like there is so much healing we will all need to do and even so, I'm not sure life will ever be the same.
Hi JE
im sorry that you have found yourself having to come to this site. We would all target that we did not have to come to this site but we come for advice and more importantly support. This site has gone quite quiet over the past week owing to some people feeling judged for standing by the offender. Thankfully that is very rare here and there is always support from other people on this site whether your standing by the offender or not.
in my case my son commited a communication offence so a little different to your situation but there are other ladies on this site who have had the same experience as you so I'm sure you will get more replies as time goes on. Some of us have also communicated on mumsnet. Some with new names and some with the same name as here .
Was your dad charged when he was arrested or did it have to go through the cps? I'm in Scotland so a charge happens after your first interview which makes the whole process much faster. The waiting for the the outcome was the worst part for me. Here in Scotland, it took seven months from charge to conviction but that's very quick when compared to England . There are ladies here who have been waiting two to three years just to have their partners or relativesdevices looked at.
sorry I cant be of more help. Look after yourself x
im sorry that you have found yourself having to come to this site. We would all target that we did not have to come to this site but we come for advice and more importantly support. This site has gone quite quiet over the past week owing to some people feeling judged for standing by the offender. Thankfully that is very rare here and there is always support from other people on this site whether your standing by the offender or not.
in my case my son commited a communication offence so a little different to your situation but there are other ladies on this site who have had the same experience as you so I'm sure you will get more replies as time goes on. Some of us have also communicated on mumsnet. Some with new names and some with the same name as here .
Was your dad charged when he was arrested or did it have to go through the cps? I'm in Scotland so a charge happens after your first interview which makes the whole process much faster. The waiting for the the outcome was the worst part for me. Here in Scotland, it took seven months from charge to conviction but that's very quick when compared to England . There are ladies here who have been waiting two to three years just to have their partners or relativesdevices looked at.
sorry I cant be of more help. Look after yourself x
Hi JE
Sorry I realised I didn't answer you about the course. If you call the helpline you can discuss it with them. You pay £80 for an hour consultation assessment with a practitioner which is great for being able to talk about everything n ask practical questions. If you want to go ahead with the course and they agree you're ready they will put you forward for either a group or one to one course. There is a bit of a waiting list. Speaking to some of the other women it's definitely worth doing. This is a very complex offence. Society sees it so black and white. Its really not. The helpline are so experienced at working with all sides of this they are a lifesaver helping us understand. Xxx
Sorry I realised I didn't answer you about the course. If you call the helpline you can discuss it with them. You pay £80 for an hour consultation assessment with a practitioner which is great for being able to talk about everything n ask practical questions. If you want to go ahead with the course and they agree you're ready they will put you forward for either a group or one to one course. There is a bit of a waiting list. Speaking to some of the other women it's definitely worth doing. This is a very complex offence. Society sees it so black and white. Its really not. The helpline are so experienced at working with all sides of this they are a lifesaver helping us understand. Xxx
Hi JE
Sorry to find you are now a member of this forum. I am the daughter of a recently convicted IIOC offender, We only found out about it after my dads plea hearing as we live away from the area he lives in and he felt he was protecting us by not telling us until he had too. Like most on here this came totally out of the blue and knocked us off our feet.
Sorry to find you are now a member of this forum. I am the daughter of a recently convicted IIOC offender, We only found out about it after my dads plea hearing as we live away from the area he lives in and he felt he was protecting us by not telling us until he had too. Like most on here this came totally out of the blue and knocked us off our feet.
My dad was initially arrested 2 years ago but the time of the offence was earlier and coincided with a really bad time for the family when lots of people were staying with us for a week or two and dad allowed anyone to use his computer. A year after taking his laptop they decided to go ahead with the charges and arrested him. We are nearly a year after that now so it has been 2 years since the initial shock.
Things here work a bit differently and he has been in jail without bail for the last year because every time they have added a new witness or changed his charges they deny bail until they have those details. Obviously as they keep changing their minds about what he is being charged with we are still very early in his court process.
Every court date, every change in what he is being charged with, every time a friend asks me how dad is or mentions that they haven't seen or heard from him for a long time, is a fresh reminder of what is happening and each time it is awful.
I wasn't going to talk to people about it but the newspapers got hold of his name and printed it, and as we have an unusual surname anyone who knew us knows about it. It's been really hard watching the people who believe it happened pull away, and sometimes just as hard dealing with the people who don't believe he did it. I can't believe he did it and he has denied it the entire time so you would think it would be easier to deal with people who do not believe he did it but there is something about the way they act towards me that reminds me so much of how people were when my mum died.
Waiting has been *really* hard, so, whilst it sounds strange given the circumstances, I truly hope your dad's case is dealt with swiftly so you know what is happening and can figure out what you are going to do...well, as best as any of us can.
Things here work a bit differently and he has been in jail without bail for the last year because every time they have added a new witness or changed his charges they deny bail until they have those details. Obviously as they keep changing their minds about what he is being charged with we are still very early in his court process.
Every court date, every change in what he is being charged with, every time a friend asks me how dad is or mentions that they haven't seen or heard from him for a long time, is a fresh reminder of what is happening and each time it is awful.
I wasn't going to talk to people about it but the newspapers got hold of his name and printed it, and as we have an unusual surname anyone who knew us knows about it. It's been really hard watching the people who believe it happened pull away, and sometimes just as hard dealing with the people who don't believe he did it. I can't believe he did it and he has denied it the entire time so you would think it would be easier to deal with people who do not believe he did it but there is something about the way they act towards me that reminds me so much of how people were when my mum died.
Waiting has been *really* hard, so, whilst it sounds strange given the circumstances, I truly hope your dad's case is dealt with swiftly so you know what is happening and can figure out what you are going to do...well, as best as any of us can.
hi there ..my dad was arrested in June .. so just over 3 months.
its extremely difficult to deal with the emotions when your own dad is arrested for this crime. And I think it's the most difficult and heart breaking relationship to deal with. More difficult than a husband/ bf / brother or friend.
The dad who brought you up and in my case walked you down the aisle commits such a crime is so hard to get your head around.
we are still waiting for the investigation to be completed..and then I think there will be a court hearing and then crown court for what I'm hoping to be a suspended scentance.
This is the worst thing I have ever gone through!
its extremely difficult to deal with the emotions when your own dad is arrested for this crime. And I think it's the most difficult and heart breaking relationship to deal with. More difficult than a husband/ bf / brother or friend.
The dad who brought you up and in my case walked you down the aisle commits such a crime is so hard to get your head around.
we are still waiting for the investigation to be completed..and then I think there will be a court hearing and then crown court for what I'm hoping to be a suspended scentance.
This is the worst thing I have ever gone through!
Sorry that you are oing through this, no matter what the relationship is, it's one of the most difficult journeys anyone can go through for so many reasons. It hurts that you have been betrayed by someone you love. Keep communicating and reaching out for support. I have had amazing support from all different places and have spoken to some strong amazing women. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs xx
Hi everyone,
Been meaning to reply all week but it's been an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least. The case was adjourned so we are no further forward. Members of the family are feeling very different about it which is making it harder to support each other. We only have a tiny family anyway and some members absolutely cannot know. It still feels like a living nightmare.
Hope everyone is doing okay.
Been meaning to reply all week but it's been an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least. The case was adjourned so we are no further forward. Members of the family are feeling very different about it which is making it harder to support each other. We only have a tiny family anyway and some members absolutely cannot know. It still feels like a living nightmare.
Hope everyone is doing okay.
Luis - this is also the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. The person you think will always be there for you and protect you and not hurt you.
I wonder if there is somehow we can connect outside of this forum does anyone know how without plastering your name and number all over this?!
This is life changing and you def need support from people outside of your family.
it's absolutely devastating and the fact you can tell anyone else outside of the people that know is very lonely and depressing -..
I would like to create a support WhatsApp group with possible meet ups if anyone is interested .. where there is zero judgement cos we all going through the same shit!!
This is life changing and you def need support from people outside of your family.
it's absolutely devastating and the fact you can tell anyone else outside of the people that know is very lonely and depressing -..
I would like to create a support WhatsApp group with possible meet ups if anyone is interested .. where there is zero judgement cos we all going through the same shit!!
Hello
Just writing on here to get this off my chest really.
I don't want Christmas to happen this year. We are still awaiting sentencing, I'm meant to be spending it with my mum which means my Dad is alone at Christmas.
I just can't face it.
Just writing on here to get this off my chest really.
I don't want Christmas to happen this year. We are still awaiting sentencing, I'm meant to be spending it with my mum which means my Dad is alone at Christmas.
I just can't face it.
Luis-
I agree this forum I have found really helpful and I think it would be good to have a support network in which we could meet up (not that COVID will let us) I am not condoning our loved ones actions at all but due to the nature of it all it means we are often felt lonely and unable to reach out to friends/family. I have a good family who are supporting me but too scared to reach out the friends. I'm only 5 days into this situation.
JE-
I don't want Christmas to happen either. Just want to fast forward time.
Thinking of you both. X
I agree this forum I have found really helpful and I think it would be good to have a support network in which we could meet up (not that COVID will let us) I am not condoning our loved ones actions at all but due to the nature of it all it means we are often felt lonely and unable to reach out to friends/family. I have a good family who are supporting me but too scared to reach out the friends. I'm only 5 days into this situation.
JE-
I don't want Christmas to happen either. Just want to fast forward time.
Thinking of you both. X
Hi
some of us di contact on mumsnet under the same name but we are no longer allowed to post names on here. Some of us have joined a wassap group and some of us have met up for support. I got lucky as there was a lady on here not far from me. We have met up a couple of times and will continue to do so. Our situation are completely different . Her partner, my son, both for communication though. I have found it a lifesaver to have met up in person and wish the site admin could find a way for people to communicate like we used to. I honestly believe it would help many new people who come here for support x
some of us di contact on mumsnet under the same name but we are no longer allowed to post names on here. Some of us have joined a wassap group and some of us have met up for support. I got lucky as there was a lady on here not far from me. We have met up a couple of times and will continue to do so. Our situation are completely different . Her partner, my son, both for communication though. I have found it a lifesaver to have met up in person and wish the site admin could find a way for people to communicate like we used to. I honestly believe it would help many new people who come here for support x
Hi Luis
My case is slightly different, its my son who is married with a young child, we have court in few weeks. Would very much like to be in the whatsapp group if its ever set up.
I am dreading the court and am praying it will be a suspended sentence.
My case is slightly different, its my son who is married with a young child, we have court in few weeks. Would very much like to be in the whatsapp group if its ever set up.
I am dreading the court and am praying it will be a suspended sentence.
How is everyone?
I find it hard on this site that you can't see what you're replying to when you're writing because I forget what people have said!
Someone (sorry I can't remember your username) said they are just 5 days in to this journey. And this journey is one none of us ever thought we would be in. I am about a month and a half in. In the first days and weeks it was just about functioning really. And some days now I still really struggle at work. On Friday I sat at my steering wheel before driving home and just sobbed and sobbed.
I feel like I have lost my Dad in a way.
I find it hard on this site that you can't see what you're replying to when you're writing because I forget what people have said!
Someone (sorry I can't remember your username) said they are just 5 days in to this journey. And this journey is one none of us ever thought we would be in. I am about a month and a half in. In the first days and weeks it was just about functioning really. And some days now I still really struggle at work. On Friday I sat at my steering wheel before driving home and just sobbed and sobbed.
I feel like I have lost my Dad in a way.
Hi JE
Think it was me who said they were 5days in. It's now exactly a week today. I am starting back at work tomorrow (doing as much as I can, work have been really understanding) which I hope will get me back to some sort of normality.
Really sorry to hear you feel you've lost part of your Dad, but know exactly what you mean. It really is such a awful situation we get put in.
Think it was me who said they were 5days in. It's now exactly a week today. I am starting back at work tomorrow (doing as much as I can, work have been really understanding) which I hope will get me back to some sort of normality.
Really sorry to hear you feel you've lost part of your Dad, but know exactly what you mean. It really is such a awful situation we get put in.
Hi all ...
unfortunately this is not the most user friendly forum to use.
You should receive notifications when someone has replied to your post.
I will add a group soon ????????
unfortunately this is not the most user friendly forum to use.
You should receive notifications when someone has replied to your post.
I will add a group soon ????????
Hello Everyone,
We know that some people have used this forum to exchange their usernames on other forums, such as Mumsnet, or phone numbers so that they can direct message one another on another forum and exchange more personal information. While we know that some people have found this enormously helpful and supportive, we are also aware that this has not been everyone’s experience. To be really clear, because this is an open, public forum and anyone can read these posts, we strongly advise you not to share the username you use on other forums on this site. By doing so, you could be placing yourself at risk. For example, someone with abusive intentions could use this information to direct message you on another forum. They could send you abusive messages or, worse still, try to meet up with you. Please be careful.
We know this may be frustrating for some of you. However, we have a responsibility to ensure this forum is as safe as possible and we do not want anyone to share any information that has the potential to harm them.
Thank you for your understanding.
We know that some people have used this forum to exchange their usernames on other forums, such as Mumsnet, or phone numbers so that they can direct message one another on another forum and exchange more personal information. While we know that some people have found this enormously helpful and supportive, we are also aware that this has not been everyone’s experience. To be really clear, because this is an open, public forum and anyone can read these posts, we strongly advise you not to share the username you use on other forums on this site. By doing so, you could be placing yourself at risk. For example, someone with abusive intentions could use this information to direct message you on another forum. They could send you abusive messages or, worse still, try to meet up with you. Please be careful.
We know this may be frustrating for some of you. However, we have a responsibility to ensure this forum is as safe as possible and we do not want anyone to share any information that has the potential to harm them.
Thank you for your understanding.
Hi there,
I have just found out that my dad was engaging online with someone underage.
i literally do not know what to think I can't hate him and that makes me feel like a bad person for standing by him.
I just feel so alone and don't know what to do I hope I can get some support from here.
I have just found out that my dad was engaging online with someone underage.
i literally do not know what to think I can't hate him and that makes me feel like a bad person for standing by him.
I just feel so alone and don't know what to do I hope I can get some support from here.
I don't really feel like I can cope anymore.
I've stopped going to work because I feel like I can't do my job. If someone takes a tone with me or snaps at me or is the slightest bit rude to me I just burst into tears. Most days I am in the work toilets at some point crying.
I don't understand how my Dad could do this to our family. And I don't know how things will ever be okay again.
I've stopped going to work because I feel like I can't do my job. If someone takes a tone with me or snaps at me or is the slightest bit rude to me I just burst into tears. Most days I am in the work toilets at some point crying.
I don't understand how my Dad could do this to our family. And I don't know how things will ever be okay again.
Hi JE, just wanted to let you know you are not on your own. I'm struggling massively at the moment and struggling to see a way forward. In my case it is my son that has offended (possession of images), got the knock last December but only interviewed last month and he was charged last week. It all became very real when i saw his charge sheet, felt physically sick, I can't reconcile the fact that as my son i love him but I loathe what he has done and part of me wants to disown him but another knows i am the only support he has..
Thank you for your reply Noa.
That sounds like a really difficult decision and there is that pressure to disown our relative but I think what others don't see sometimes it's that it's still our Dad or our son and this is just a part of them and they are still all the things we always loved about them and all the memories that we have.
I am awaiting a rescheduled court date in about 2 and a half weeks.
That sounds like a really difficult decision and there is that pressure to disown our relative but I think what others don't see sometimes it's that it's still our Dad or our son and this is just a part of them and they are still all the things we always loved about them and all the memories that we have.
I am awaiting a rescheduled court date in about 2 and a half weeks.
Hi noa! How are you?
I'm in same situation, my dad was arrested in June for talking to a minor of course it was a police decoy.
we are waiting for the second interview and to find out what he will be charged with.
I still Don't know if anything further please as found on his laptop and phone.
I'm praying there is nothing else.
it's so difficult when it's your dad much different to a husband or son or brother relationship.
where are you up to so far?
I'm in same situation, my dad was arrested in June for talking to a minor of course it was a police decoy.
we are waiting for the second interview and to find out what he will be charged with.
I still Don't know if anything further please as found on his laptop and phone.
I'm praying there is nothing else.
it's so difficult when it's your dad much different to a husband or son or brother relationship.
where are you up to so far?