Two years have passed
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Hi Jodie
I am a wife of an offender not a mother but I felt the need to reply..
First of all... There is no right or wrong way to feel. There is no text book on how to deal with the aftermath of this huge bomb we have dropped on our lives.
I don't know the details of your sons offence but.. Have you spoke to the helpline a fair bit? Also have you done the inform course? They are the best ways to understand some of the reasons that may have led to the offence.
Social services as per usual... Sound hidfeous!! It sounds like they are trying to make you choose between your children which you should not have to do. Have you looked at putting a safety plan together?? I know the helpline and parents protect website can help with that. It's about acknowledging the risk even though we know is minimal. Remember social services are all about getting themselves off the hook. If they can close your case it's one less thing for them to have to deal with. With funding cuts etc sadly that's how it is.
Have you had any counselling along the way? If sounds to me like you would benefit from it. We go through such an emotional roller coaster when we find out someone we love could behave in this way. It's important we allow ourselves to process those emotions.
Take care of you. Hope things get easier xxxx
I am a wife of an offender not a mother but I felt the need to reply..
First of all... There is no right or wrong way to feel. There is no text book on how to deal with the aftermath of this huge bomb we have dropped on our lives.
I don't know the details of your sons offence but.. Have you spoke to the helpline a fair bit? Also have you done the inform course? They are the best ways to understand some of the reasons that may have led to the offence.
Social services as per usual... Sound hidfeous!! It sounds like they are trying to make you choose between your children which you should not have to do. Have you looked at putting a safety plan together?? I know the helpline and parents protect website can help with that. It's about acknowledging the risk even though we know is minimal. Remember social services are all about getting themselves off the hook. If they can close your case it's one less thing for them to have to deal with. With funding cuts etc sadly that's how it is.
Have you had any counselling along the way? If sounds to me like you would benefit from it. We go through such an emotional roller coaster when we find out someone we love could behave in this way. It's important we allow ourselves to process those emotions.
Take care of you. Hope things get easier xxxx
Hi Jodie
I am also a mum to an offender my son was 21 at arrest and was cautioned and put on the register for two years.
It is so hard to know what to do or how you should react. I was accused by social services of not protecting my other children as they said I wasn't taking it seriously. I too was on auto pilot. How on earth is one supposed to get their head around it all as quickly as SS would like you to? SS lied about me, made me feel like a useless mother, unfit to keep my children safe.
I am relieved now that all of my children are adults so SS have backed off but I know they will be back once my children have their own babies.
I can't offer much advice other than to do the LFF course if you haven't already, you may make good supportive connections. I did but after a year or so I lost touch as I wanted to move on...yet here I am trying to get a support network again because it seems you can't just move on. Get some counselling too if you can, it does help to talk and I know that it's not really something you can talk to friends about. No one knows unless they know.
Here if you need a chat x
I am also a mum to an offender my son was 21 at arrest and was cautioned and put on the register for two years.
It is so hard to know what to do or how you should react. I was accused by social services of not protecting my other children as they said I wasn't taking it seriously. I too was on auto pilot. How on earth is one supposed to get their head around it all as quickly as SS would like you to? SS lied about me, made me feel like a useless mother, unfit to keep my children safe.
I am relieved now that all of my children are adults so SS have backed off but I know they will be back once my children have their own babies.
I can't offer much advice other than to do the LFF course if you haven't already, you may make good supportive connections. I did but after a year or so I lost touch as I wanted to move on...yet here I am trying to get a support network again because it seems you can't just move on. Get some counselling too if you can, it does help to talk and I know that it's not really something you can talk to friends about. No one knows unless they know.
Here if you need a chat x
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