Angry with him
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19 months in, the police have come back and he's been offered the chance of a second interview with legal representation (which he didn't take the first time).
The solicitor has been hard to get hold off, and after saying he call yesterday, he didn't. Now my nerves are at breaking point, and after a brief walk to get some air yesterday afternoon, I had to vent a bit when I got home. I shouted about how angry I was that the solicitor hadn't called, that I was so stressed, I was finding it hard now it was all "real" again, but seemed again to have stalled. His response was, " you can imagine how I feel".
I could have punched him. I KNOW he's having a dam hard time, but so am I... And I didn't do anything!! Urgh. I love him and I hate to see him so beaten down and miserable, and I certainly don't need reminding how hard he's got it every time I have bad day.
Sorry. Needed to get that out somewhere people understand what we're going through. Thanks x
The solicitor has been hard to get hold off, and after saying he call yesterday, he didn't. Now my nerves are at breaking point, and after a brief walk to get some air yesterday afternoon, I had to vent a bit when I got home. I shouted about how angry I was that the solicitor hadn't called, that I was so stressed, I was finding it hard now it was all "real" again, but seemed again to have stalled. His response was, " you can imagine how I feel".
I could have punched him. I KNOW he's having a dam hard time, but so am I... And I didn't do anything!! Urgh. I love him and I hate to see him so beaten down and miserable, and I certainly don't need reminding how hard he's got it every time I have bad day.
Sorry. Needed to get that out somewhere people understand what we're going through. Thanks x
So sorry you are having a bad day.
I have also received responses from my husband regarding how tough it all is for him. More than once he has spoken as if he is some sort of victim, which he may be to a certain extent in terms of being lured into stuff on the internet, but if he is a victim where does that leave those closest to him? His behaviour is blighting the lives of those who are closest to him.
Anger is something which is not a normal trait for me but given the circumstances us ladies have to live with I think we have the right to as much anger as we need to vent.
The absolute mess which is our justice system just aggravates an already awful situation. 19 months in and his first court appearance is later this month. I don't know when this nightmare is ever going to be over!
Don't expect my words will have helped but you are in my thoughts. Deep breaths and lots of self care.
Lots of love
Izzy
I have also received responses from my husband regarding how tough it all is for him. More than once he has spoken as if he is some sort of victim, which he may be to a certain extent in terms of being lured into stuff on the internet, but if he is a victim where does that leave those closest to him? His behaviour is blighting the lives of those who are closest to him.
Anger is something which is not a normal trait for me but given the circumstances us ladies have to live with I think we have the right to as much anger as we need to vent.
The absolute mess which is our justice system just aggravates an already awful situation. 19 months in and his first court appearance is later this month. I don't know when this nightmare is ever going to be over!
Don't expect my words will have helped but you are in my thoughts. Deep breaths and lots of self care.
Lots of love
Izzy
It helps to know I'm not the only feeling this. I know what he means about him being the victim... and in his case, mental health and an addiction to porn didn't help. But if he's the victim, what am I? It's often a love/hate relationship of late!
It really does go on too long, doesn't it? Good luck with what's to come x
It really does go on too long, doesn't it? Good luck with what's to come x
Last Tuesday he had a 10/15 mins call with th the solicitor, and gave him the police's number. Nothing has happened since.
So this morning, I give up waiting and ask if he's heard (wouldn't be the first time he hasn't updated me). No. Did the solicitor say he'd call back? "I don't know". Did the solicitor ask you to follow up? "I don't know". And then we're off again on the 'poor me victim', whereby everyone should understand what a hard time this is and keep him updated, he shouldn't need to be chasing people.
Argh! I'm probably expecting things to move too quickly, but you'd think he have come away from the call with some idea of what was happening. I mean, it is quite important!
So this morning, I give up waiting and ask if he's heard (wouldn't be the first time he hasn't updated me). No. Did the solicitor say he'd call back? "I don't know". Did the solicitor ask you to follow up? "I don't know". And then we're off again on the 'poor me victim', whereby everyone should understand what a hard time this is and keep him updated, he shouldn't need to be chasing people.
Argh! I'm probably expecting things to move too quickly, but you'd think he have come away from the call with some idea of what was happening. I mean, it is quite important!
Hi kls
I hear your frustrations! Similar to what my bf is like. His solicitor is never available. When I question my bf about it he goes i don't know I haven't heard I'm waiting for a call back and it doesn't seem to happen. He's now appointed a new one. I question is he okay with the new person and he's like iv never met them! I feel like banging my head against the wall. How can he be this blazah about something so serious. I'd want to know who was representing me. Iv come to the conclusion now I'm not even going to ask. I feel like Im taking it all on. And again like you if I even mention how I feel I get well its worse for me, when work find out im going to loose my job, my relationship least your okay! I'm like I haven't been accused of viewing iioc! Oh kls I hear you love I really do.
I hope today gives you a bug load of strength cos I know I sure do need some.
Big hugs x
I hear your frustrations! Similar to what my bf is like. His solicitor is never available. When I question my bf about it he goes i don't know I haven't heard I'm waiting for a call back and it doesn't seem to happen. He's now appointed a new one. I question is he okay with the new person and he's like iv never met them! I feel like banging my head against the wall. How can he be this blazah about something so serious. I'd want to know who was representing me. Iv come to the conclusion now I'm not even going to ask. I feel like Im taking it all on. And again like you if I even mention how I feel I get well its worse for me, when work find out im going to loose my job, my relationship least your okay! I'm like I haven't been accused of viewing iioc! Oh kls I hear you love I really do.
I hope today gives you a bug load of strength cos I know I sure do need some.
Big hugs x
It's crazy, isn't it? The big things are awful, they truly are, but the little day-to-day bugbears are a thousand times worse too. In ordinary life, I'd go into work, and be like "oh, he's such a pain today!" and we've have a laugh and move on. But these are things that can't be discussed in an ordinary way. And that makes bit harder too. Just keep reminding myself, it's his hole to fix.
We'll get there......
We'll get there......
Thankfully my partner was pretty good at taking in what was needed for his solicitor and he did everything on time and bent over backwards. Unfortunately I think he lost quite a bit of fight in him when trying to get access to his kids....the cost of legal aid and the fact the family court would not consider any contact until after sentencing meant he had to focus on his charges.
The whole process can take ages. The police hold it up most of the time. The solicitor did do their best to chase but had to say to my partner that there wasn't a way to speed things up. Your partner (sorry I can't remember if he still is or not) should ideally be using this time to rehabilitate, that will go in their favour, especially if they take it onboard. A good solicitor would point their clients in the direction to get help but if not then LF is the best bet
The whole process can take ages. The police hold it up most of the time. The solicitor did do their best to chase but had to say to my partner that there wasn't a way to speed things up. Your partner (sorry I can't remember if he still is or not) should ideally be using this time to rehabilitate, that will go in their favour, especially if they take it onboard. A good solicitor would point their clients in the direction to get help but if not then LF is the best bet
Hi kls and everyone else x
It's just over 9 months since that dreaded knock on door and my whole life turned upside down! My husband hasn't spent one night back home whole time as I really don't know whats to come! It cripples us financially but the worst is the psychological trauma myself and kids are going through. The anger and sadness is immense and I just bottle it all up, putting on brave face for kids as they all teenagers. I honestly don't know if I could ever trust the man I've been with for over 20 years ever again, I just feel like I don't even know him. Heard nothing from police yet, its all just adding to my extreme anxiety and depression (medication helps) but since all of this started my whole body is just in physical pain every single day, and omg tiredness is horrendous, currently having tests done but doc said severe stress and trauma can cause damage to body, but how do you deal with that?? There just isn't an off switch xx husband is doing the right things, he only has a basic phone that can call and message on, no internet access. No wifi or computer at his bedsit place, doing all the modules off this website etc, so far its 1 cat c picture but waiting for examination of his old phone to be done. Life is just pure hell at minute and I can't even talk to anyone about it x I'm scared to trust anyone xx
It's just over 9 months since that dreaded knock on door and my whole life turned upside down! My husband hasn't spent one night back home whole time as I really don't know whats to come! It cripples us financially but the worst is the psychological trauma myself and kids are going through. The anger and sadness is immense and I just bottle it all up, putting on brave face for kids as they all teenagers. I honestly don't know if I could ever trust the man I've been with for over 20 years ever again, I just feel like I don't even know him. Heard nothing from police yet, its all just adding to my extreme anxiety and depression (medication helps) but since all of this started my whole body is just in physical pain every single day, and omg tiredness is horrendous, currently having tests done but doc said severe stress and trauma can cause damage to body, but how do you deal with that?? There just isn't an off switch xx husband is doing the right things, he only has a basic phone that can call and message on, no internet access. No wifi or computer at his bedsit place, doing all the modules off this website etc, so far its 1 cat c picture but waiting for examination of his old phone to be done. Life is just pure hell at minute and I can't even talk to anyone about it x I'm scared to trust anyone xx