Family and Friends Forum

Husbands case has now been passed to CPS after 15 months. No second interview. Police informed his solicitor of this.

He was arrested after a vigilnante sting. He is accused of communicating with a 13 year old girl, who was a decoy, and went to meet her.

i have now learned that he was meeting sex workers and other women he met through chat rooms. I am still hoping and praying that it was clearly entrapment as therapy and physiological evaluation show no attraction to children but a clear porn/sex addiction of which I had no idea.

Still find myself in total shock about this even this far down the road. X

Thank you for replying KLK. Whilst I am sad for you that you are suffering this too, I am also so relieved to find someone else on this forum where there were also actual real life hook ups. I have been feeling that I am alone in my situation here. As you say, all of it was completely hidden. I had absolutely no idea. My therapist has reassured my by saying why wouldn't we trust our partners?? We had an adult relationship not a parent child one! I thought we were very happy, and he says we were, other than his addiction which escalated with his stress.

I have tried to look back at your story, but couldn't find what the outcome was for your husband. Or is it still ongoing?

What my husband did is unacceptable on so many levels. But I still still can't shake off the feeling that children are very unlikely to go into adult sites and actually interact. My husband says he never changed his age, why would a child look for a sexual relationship with a man the age of their grandparents!!!....I guess I will never know the reality of it unless I can see and read all the evidence. It truly messes with my brain!
take care x

majestictopaz15, thanks for your reply. I'm not sure what to think about anything! My husband is so ashamed of what he was doing I doubt I'll get any detailed answers. Not helped by his solicitor refusing to get into details until a charge is made then only on 'evidence'. His therapist is majoring on what he is accused of, rather than what he may or may not have done. He tells me it was a porn addiction, then breakdown leading to real life hook ups with women on line. He says he knew that it felt like he was being played by vigilantes, so why then did he go to meet them?!!! It's so messed up!

I now have days where I try to get on with my life, then others, like today, where I am consumed by it and spend most of the time upset. It's hard to deal with on top of 'normal' problems, where we would have dealt with them together. As we had been together so long, it's him I want to turn to, but it's him that has caused me all this hurt and pain.

Thank you Mabel. It's so awful isn't it to know that they betrayed us in every way. Understanding about the addiction helps make sense of it, but doesn't remove the hurt. I now wonder if we really know anybody. I think I was probably too naive and trusting. I was always honest and loya and thought others were too, especially my husband!

I know you've been waiting a long time....a ridiculously long time. It's inhuman. I felt like we were waiting for far too long to get to this point! Solicitors said not to rely on this being dealt with quickly at all but there are 'exceptions'.



I hope you are coping ok. I think of you and others often. You gave me strength at the start of my journey. Thank you! xxx

So the dreaded news. Husband is to attend court in January. It seems that they have found evidence of 'just' the vigilante sting. 2 charges. Now over to the solicitors. It's terrifying. I guess I'm 'lucky' in that he lives some distance away and my community are very aware that he does not live with me. However, it does not stop me from worrying about him.

Thank you Blackhound, I can't help but to cling onto any piece of hope, and then when it's dashed it hits me hard all over again! But it doesn't stop me from continuing that hope at each stage. This really is one awful journey, through no fault of us partners and families. X

He has been to court, pleaded guilty, as the evidence is clear, ‘she’ wrote in messages that ‘she’was 13. His messed up mind didn’t even register it. ‘She’ sent a photo of ‘herself’, 18 year old, according to the decoy.....covering herself against being charged for illegal images, or was it really a pic of someone aged 18??? she spoke to him on the phone - actual age 30! I heard her on the video, clearly a full grown woman who smoked!! He never pretended to be anyone other than who is is. Who cares???? It seems the written word is the more powerful one. Who cares that it was an adult pretending to be a child, with an adult brain, someone intent on carrying out a sting for public entertainment? The law is the law. Yes, there will be ‘mitigating’ circumstances, but he has already damaged his life.

He is now on the sex offenders register and will be sentenced next month. The court didn’t tell him to report to the police station, I did. He didn’t even know what he needed to take. What the hell???? We have a broken legal system, or one that wants to trip people up right from the off.
I am angry that I am STILL having to look out for him. He lives so far away, living his new life, and he can’t even sort out something that could have landed him being arrested again.


He has physically and mentally deteriorated. Is still suffering from severe depression. Authorities are concerned about him killing himself, I’m worried about that too, and consumed by worry and fear. But no one in authority gives a damn about me!!!!

I don't think I can do this any more. This is so damaging on me, I feel like I have been overlooked. No police contact since the knock, my GP couldn't care less. The only people that care are those that we pay, and loyal friends and family, and you strangers on forums, who are struggling with your own battles.

How to move forward? I am dreading sentencing. All the preparation in case he goes straight to prison. His crime, my punishment.
Sorry, feeling very sorry for myself and very angry at our society.

X