Explaining to young children when a relative is being investigated
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Hi all, just wondering if anyone has any advice on how you have dealt with the sudden 'disappearance' of a relative from your child's life during an investigation and all the questions which then come. My father in law is being investigated (detail of which we don't have, but social services were informed and my daughter (7) can no longer have any unsupervised contact pending next steps). We have decided in the absence of information yet to pause any contact until we know firm next steps. We have been explaining this fairly easily given COVID/lockdowns etc but my daughter is asking more often now why she hasn't seen him in months and when she will be able to - concerned she is going to feel rejected by someone she loves, but really unsure how to handle this with such a youngster. Clearly we also have the relationship between her grandparents to consider too and I want be respectful of my mum IL's feelings and what she is going through. Any advice?
Hi!
I am so sorry you are here with us all. It's a pretty miserable place but the help and advice here is great. It pretty much saved me in the early days.
Maybe check with social services if facetime is ok (if you are happy for this to happen of course) that way the contact is still there but not physical.
My youngest is now 7 and all I have said is that Daddy had been very naughty online so the police needed to look into it further and that he couldn't see them without me being there. Maybe something similar and that once it's been looked into more then you will know when he can see her properly again.
Lots of love
I am so sorry you are here with us all. It's a pretty miserable place but the help and advice here is great. It pretty much saved me in the early days.
Maybe check with social services if facetime is ok (if you are happy for this to happen of course) that way the contact is still there but not physical.
My youngest is now 7 and all I have said is that Daddy had been very naughty online so the police needed to look into it further and that he couldn't see them without me being there. Maybe something similar and that once it's been looked into more then you will know when he can see her properly again.
Lots of love
Thanks KLK, was so glad to find this forum as feels very lonely trying to navigate this and know what on earth to feel/do. Very hard as trying to deal with our own sense of disappointment and anger as well - the shock and disbelief hasn't yet gone away and it's months since the knock at his door. Appreciate the advice xxx
KLK
You always give such good advice. Your comments really helped me at the beginning. Our knock was 29th september. I ended my relationship with him that day. Bail condition was no contact with kids. 2 weeks ago they dropped bail conditions. I have allowed contact only by phone and only if the kids want to. Social said was my choice to make. But make the wrong choice and they would take legal action against me. I have argued it. From every day contact to none for weeks was awful for them, however most days they say they dont want to talk to him. They are 9 and 11. I speak to him everyday, his mental health worries me and he is their dad after all. He wont accept it is the end for us.
Social have still not told me what they are doing, section 47 has been mentioned but also no action too. I have seen 2 social workers. One finished the day after our first meeting, the 2nd aaid he had more important cases to deal with. As far as i know 15 days after strategy meeting a case conference date should have been set. All i get is Mixed messages. I just do what i think is right. They never asked me to do anything.
You always give such good advice. Your comments really helped me at the beginning. Our knock was 29th september. I ended my relationship with him that day. Bail condition was no contact with kids. 2 weeks ago they dropped bail conditions. I have allowed contact only by phone and only if the kids want to. Social said was my choice to make. But make the wrong choice and they would take legal action against me. I have argued it. From every day contact to none for weeks was awful for them, however most days they say they dont want to talk to him. They are 9 and 11. I speak to him everyday, his mental health worries me and he is their dad after all. He wont accept it is the end for us.
Social have still not told me what they are doing, section 47 has been mentioned but also no action too. I have seen 2 social workers. One finished the day after our first meeting, the 2nd aaid he had more important cases to deal with. As far as i know 15 days after strategy meeting a case conference date should have been set. All i get is Mixed messages. I just do what i think is right. They never asked me to do anything.