Family and Friends Forum

Oh, thoughts are with you. I think everybody on this forum has experienced what you are going through. Our knock happened just over two weeks ago, and we now in state of limbo. No answers yet as to what the future holds. Try not to look too far ahead as you will drive yourself crazy. Is your other half still with you? I have been amazed how many people have been and are being affected by awful scourge of internet porn and where it can lead. You will find non judgemental support from this forum, hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking of you, x

Hi onedayatatime



So sorry you find yourself here. My experience of the knock and probably like everyone else's is like a bolt out of the blue, completely shakes your entire life and your left reeling in a mess. Ours came in June this year completely unexpected and to this day it still affects me now when the door knocks.

I didn't eat or sleep and I broke out in cold sores from the shock. I did nothing but cry and feel numb. It's got to be the worst day of my life to date. I started writing on this forum expressing my feelings as like yourself i haven't confided in anyone. All my friends have children and I feel so embarrassed I can't bring myself to tell anyone. Iv found many people on here share their experiences and offer advice. One was to take things day by day. This is a lengthy process which won't go away quickly. You must look after yourself in order to be strong mentally and physically. Iv avoided alcohol since as I knew it would make me feel worse. Whilst it's been 3 months since the knock iv found myself living for the day I'm in and not thinking too far ahead. He's been charged now and awaiting court. Our relationship has pretty much ended. Whilst it hasn't been finalised iv kept communicating with him as he has noone else.

I started councilling on Monday as iv carried this burden and I feel like I'm regaining some of my life back. The early days are the hardest, you will feel numb. Speak to your gp phone the helpline they are really helpful and can answer things you might need to ask. Look after yourself it will get a little easier I promise x x x

I am going to sound so callous in this. My husband was arrested for Cat A images. Yet to be charged. Yes he hasnt hurt my kids, but the kids in the images are someone's child. I cant see beyond that. So many are saying oh it was just images, my kids are safe. Child pornography isnt a victimless crime. There was still a child. Yes not my child but still a child.

I cant forgive my husband for what he has done. He made a choice. He put his own desires before the safety and wellbeing of his family.

I am still talking to him. I wont ever have a relationship with him again. He is acting as though he is the victim. That he is the one that is suffering, but his actions caused that. Not mine, not his kids, not social or the police.

I think that you are all very brave to stand by your men. But I cant.

Trytokeepitnormal

Can I ask how things are re your ex seeing his children? Do SS back off a bit as you have ended the relationship?

I have decided no contact for now ( his daughter is still a baby) and I have a son from a previous relationship that I dont want dragged into this.

I look at my baby girl and my heart breaks for her, knowing what she has lost and what I will have to tell her about her father when she is older.

X

Marie D.

Police relaxed bail on friday. I have allowed phone contact but no physical contact. Being in different counties now helps. SS have been useless. I wanted to be sure it was ok but they just said it was my choice but make the wrong decisions and they would take legal action. My son is 11 he misses his dad. His mental health is suffering so i decided supervised phone calls would help. Police are ok with it, social just wont give a straight answer. They havent done things they are supposed to have done. I am just waiting on a date for a case conference so they can tell me more lies.

I said from day of the knock i would not be reconciling with their dad. Ss are saying they have concerns we will reconcile. They dont listen.

I worry they will take my kids even though i do all thats expected of me before they even have had meetings to tell me what to do.

I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

Trytokeepitnormal

Thanks for your reply. So sorry you’re being treated like this, there seems to be no consistency with SS. I don’t want them involved in my families life, but my daughter had a right to know her dad at some point, and so I’ll have to accept that they will be.

Have you spoken with the Family rights group? I have seen them recommended on here.

Xx

I havent looked at groups other than this one yet.

I still am waiting for Social to decide whats next. The kids havent really wanted to talk to dad much.

I suspect lockdown will be another excuse for social to take even longer to come back to me.

You need to do whats right for you and your daughter x