Expecting a girl... Scared of ss
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Hi all,
So back in March, my partner got the all clear for unsupervised with our son, he's 5 now, my partner got arresting viewing indecent images of children, he has just over a year left on the register, ss closed our case back in March this year as his was an Internet offence, however we made the decision to try for another baby and caught very quickly.
I've recently found out we are expecting a girl! Normally every mothers dream come true, it's certainly mine, but now I'm scared about the involvement with ss, my partner has completed a horizon programme with his probation, stuck to his rules of the sor and has undergone a lucy faithfull foundation psychology assessment, which the outcome was positive.
I'm really scared there going to move my partner out, I suffer with my mental health and I fully understand d the worries there going to have as I share them too, I've spoken openly and honest with my partner about my worries and he's put my mind at rest.
I don't even know what I'm asking to be honest, I love having my little family together and don't want us torn apart, but I can feel myself getting worried and anxious about what where about to go through, we've rang and let them know about the baby, but had no response what so ever from them, apart from one phone call 6 weeks ago, telling me to expect a call the following week! That never happened.
I just don't know what there going to say, I have no one I can speak to about this at all! I'm loving in an area where no o e knows about us and have built up friendships that I can't even be honest with them, when there going through a similar thing to me in case I get thrown out of my house and trolled away again, I'm 20 weeks pregnant, and suddenly wishing we were having a boy, please no judgments I'm so scared right now x
So back in March, my partner got the all clear for unsupervised with our son, he's 5 now, my partner got arresting viewing indecent images of children, he has just over a year left on the register, ss closed our case back in March this year as his was an Internet offence, however we made the decision to try for another baby and caught very quickly.
I've recently found out we are expecting a girl! Normally every mothers dream come true, it's certainly mine, but now I'm scared about the involvement with ss, my partner has completed a horizon programme with his probation, stuck to his rules of the sor and has undergone a lucy faithfull foundation psychology assessment, which the outcome was positive.
I'm really scared there going to move my partner out, I suffer with my mental health and I fully understand d the worries there going to have as I share them too, I've spoken openly and honest with my partner about my worries and he's put my mind at rest.
I don't even know what I'm asking to be honest, I love having my little family together and don't want us torn apart, but I can feel myself getting worried and anxious about what where about to go through, we've rang and let them know about the baby, but had no response what so ever from them, apart from one phone call 6 weeks ago, telling me to expect a call the following week! That never happened.
I just don't know what there going to say, I have no one I can speak to about this at all! I'm loving in an area where no o e knows about us and have built up friendships that I can't even be honest with them, when there going through a similar thing to me in case I get thrown out of my house and trolled away again, I'm 20 weeks pregnant, and suddenly wishing we were having a boy, please no judgments I'm so scared right now x
Hi I am sorry I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid as we are only 5 months into this and SS have closed the case for supervised contact with our boys. I presume until disclosure or maybe court.
It's very sad that you say you're worried because you're having a girl. I think you should probably discuss with any legal person still involved....if your partner has a police liaison officer or probation still involved.
On a positive note... Its great he is able to be with your son unsupervised. For future reference for us... How long did this take? Our boys are 14 and 8. I can't bare the thought of them never being able to spend time with their dad on their own during their childhood.
Congrats on the baby. Hope they leave you to enjoy your little family. I'm pretty sure you have been through enough!! Xxx
It's very sad that you say you're worried because you're having a girl. I think you should probably discuss with any legal person still involved....if your partner has a police liaison officer or probation still involved.
On a positive note... Its great he is able to be with your son unsupervised. For future reference for us... How long did this take? Our boys are 14 and 8. I can't bare the thought of them never being able to spend time with their dad on their own during their childhood.
Congrats on the baby. Hope they leave you to enjoy your little family. I'm pretty sure you have been through enough!! Xxx
Hi Rainbow,
My son was 18months when we had the knock at the door, I moved from the area due to being driven out of the area, the next place we went too, my partner was allowed back home with supervised contact as I did the parent protect course, they said until he had finished the horizon programme with probation it had to stay supervised, we then were made homeless because his offence came about and we were forced to move in with his parents, fast forward a few years and because we had done everything we could the lucy faithful foundation programme which said my partner was a low risk to our son, and I had carried out keep safe work with our son, they allowed him to have unsupervised with our son, he just turned 5, it was a very long stretch, and it was certainly tough, but they couldnt hold us back, we have restrictions on us, as I have to deal with all personal care, and no overnight stays and my son isn't allowed any sleepovers which is fine for us, we had to go through so many different social workers and had a solicitor to help us along the way. Thank you for your kind words, all I can advise is show them what keep safe work your doing, I explained to them that our little boy understands that we don't have secrets and when it's birthdays and Christmas we have surprises I've also taught him about his body and how to keep himself safe, jump through the hoops and tick there boxes, they will have to give in in the end xx
My son was 18months when we had the knock at the door, I moved from the area due to being driven out of the area, the next place we went too, my partner was allowed back home with supervised contact as I did the parent protect course, they said until he had finished the horizon programme with probation it had to stay supervised, we then were made homeless because his offence came about and we were forced to move in with his parents, fast forward a few years and because we had done everything we could the lucy faithful foundation programme which said my partner was a low risk to our son, and I had carried out keep safe work with our son, they allowed him to have unsupervised with our son, he just turned 5, it was a very long stretch, and it was certainly tough, but they couldnt hold us back, we have restrictions on us, as I have to deal with all personal care, and no overnight stays and my son isn't allowed any sleepovers which is fine for us, we had to go through so many different social workers and had a solicitor to help us along the way. Thank you for your kind words, all I can advise is show them what keep safe work your doing, I explained to them that our little boy understands that we don't have secrets and when it's birthdays and Christmas we have surprises I've also taught him about his body and how to keep himself safe, jump through the hoops and tick there boxes, they will have to give in in the end xx
Hi, is your partner low risk? My husband has 1 year left on his community order and 3 years on register. He completed the horizon course and done his community hours. His PO has assessed him as medium but I dont know how or why. My kids are mid teens but SS said no unsupervised access as hes medium risk. Hes going to see his PO this week to find out how it gets lowered. Hes had so many different PO and never been given a management plan. Hes seen his PO twice this year which to me seems a bit lenient if hes medium risk
It depends on your partners age and what he was convicted of. My partner was always a low risk, but in ss eyes a low risk is no risk, ask if he can go on a pyscho sexual in depth assessment and get ss to pay for it, they did for mine, my partner had to travel for 3 days to have a meeting with a therapist, it was very in depth, but they classed him as a low risk, which went in our favour, my sw then carried out a parent protect course which again was very in depth, both me and my partner sat with my sw and I said in front of her to my partner if he does this again he will be out of my life, to which I know scared him and he showed a lot of remorse for his actions, research how you can promote awareness of abuse to the children, in any way shape or form, it will show them your serious and going to move forward and stick together, there is only so much they can put on you before they have to give you what you want xxx
I do find it just depends on Ss's opinions rather than be consistent with other ss in different areas. Mine doesnt even have a policy regarding sex offenders.
My husband was convicted of viewing 25 images. Evidence showed in 9 months he visited a normal chat site which is still up and running. He went on it 5 times within that time. So in my opinion I feel that yes whilst viewing 1 image is bad enough, I dont think he was in depth with it as much as some are. Also I've read that men who have had communication offences have had access to their kids which in my opinion I feel a contact offence is far more serious x
My husband was convicted of viewing 25 images. Evidence showed in 9 months he visited a normal chat site which is still up and running. He went on it 5 times within that time. So in my opinion I feel that yes whilst viewing 1 image is bad enough, I dont think he was in depth with it as much as some are. Also I've read that men who have had communication offences have had access to their kids which in my opinion I feel a contact offence is far more serious x
I really feel that all the professionals I've spoken to have got a clue or havent dealt with a situation like this. My husband hasnt been given a management plan or know how often his po visits are. He has a meeting this week so going to ask lots of questions. I assumed he had already done this but no. I said if it was me then I would want to know what's happening etc. He just seems to go with the flow and agree instead of questioning which is really annoying
Hi Lost,
I have only had one phone all to say I will have a sw ring me the week after but haven't done so yet, so I'm expecting it out of the blue, I know my baby is going to be put on the cp register, and I understand d why, but I've been through 4 years of hell already with them previously in my life, and they kept taking there time, after 8 social workers the 9th one finally got things moving as we're adamant to remain as a family.
I have been on the family rights group, but I ha ent contacted anyone to speak too, because everyone sees living with a sex offender unusual, no one can offer me advice, I've read that they may ask my partner to leave immediately after the birth, and to be honest, I'm okay with that, I suffered with post natal depression after my first child and didn't want to see anyone, my partner was my support throughout and he was the one who picked it up, and got me the help I needed.
I have read aswell that after my partner is off the sor we should be treated as a normal family and not penalised for what he's done.
The sw made me feel like the criminal, and it was like they were testing me, I don't open up well to s workers and it takes a while before the wall comes down, because I don't trust them, and I'm scared there going to ask my partner to move out again, to which if they do, I'll be giving up my house too.
I actually just want this phone all from ss so I know where I am, and what I'm to do, but being only 20 weeks they probably won't contact me until I'm further along to which will put stress on me even more! I'm scared then for my baby girl, I have tried really hard to give up smoking but I know that when ss are involved that will go out the window, I don't know what to do xx
I have only had one phone all to say I will have a sw ring me the week after but haven't done so yet, so I'm expecting it out of the blue, I know my baby is going to be put on the cp register, and I understand d why, but I've been through 4 years of hell already with them previously in my life, and they kept taking there time, after 8 social workers the 9th one finally got things moving as we're adamant to remain as a family.
I have been on the family rights group, but I ha ent contacted anyone to speak too, because everyone sees living with a sex offender unusual, no one can offer me advice, I've read that they may ask my partner to leave immediately after the birth, and to be honest, I'm okay with that, I suffered with post natal depression after my first child and didn't want to see anyone, my partner was my support throughout and he was the one who picked it up, and got me the help I needed.
I have read aswell that after my partner is off the sor we should be treated as a normal family and not penalised for what he's done.
The sw made me feel like the criminal, and it was like they were testing me, I don't open up well to s workers and it takes a while before the wall comes down, because I don't trust them, and I'm scared there going to ask my partner to move out again, to which if they do, I'll be giving up my house too.
I actually just want this phone all from ss so I know where I am, and what I'm to do, but being only 20 weeks they probably won't contact me until I'm further along to which will put stress on me even more! I'm scared then for my baby girl, I have tried really hard to give up smoking but I know that when ss are involved that will go out the window, I don't know what to do xx
Hi C123
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way while being pregnant.
We also had a hell of a journey with SW and it is still going on under CIN place. SS kicked my husband out after my son born and after that we had psychological assessment and safeguarding courses done via court as SS didn't want to fund the assessment and was sticking with their own PPR assessment which said my husband is high risk and can't move back to home.
Anyways during our court case I asked lawyer about future and if we have another child and i was told that once SS close the case for good. They will not get involved and even if they do then you can just show them the documents from your previous involvement and a copy to psychological assemenent so they should not cause any issues.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way while being pregnant.
We also had a hell of a journey with SW and it is still going on under CIN place. SS kicked my husband out after my son born and after that we had psychological assessment and safeguarding courses done via court as SS didn't want to fund the assessment and was sticking with their own PPR assessment which said my husband is high risk and can't move back to home.
Anyways during our court case I asked lawyer about future and if we have another child and i was told that once SS close the case for good. They will not get involved and even if they do then you can just show them the documents from your previous involvement and a copy to psychological assemenent so they should not cause any issues.
Hi hoping for best.
Thank you so much for your comment I will certainly look into this, I get the feeling it's going to be harder because this time round where having a girl, although I was previously told a child is a child and should be treated the same.
You've built me with some hope and I do now feel I can get through this, thank you so much xx
Thank you so much for your comment I will certainly look into this, I get the feeling it's going to be harder because this time round where having a girl, although I was previously told a child is a child and should be treated the same.
You've built me with some hope and I do now feel I can get through this, thank you so much xx