Divorced, No contact but always in my head!
Notifications OFF
The knock came exactly 9 months ago. I had been with my husband for over 18 years and married for over 11 years. We had a 2 wk old baby and my son was turning 6 the next day. I immediately jumped to his defence as he went white and almost fell. I told him don't worry because it's not true over and over again. How could it be true he was genuinely the most amazing husband and father, everybody liked him, every child thought it was amazing. How could it possibly be true that he would be looking at these images. The following day I realised it was true, I confronted him and he swiftly ended the call with the suggestion he was going to commit suicide. My loyalty had gone, I instantly rang the police and told them to find him because he needed to face what he had done. That was it for us, we were over. I decided in that moment that he would NEVER be on our lives again. He had destroyed our perfect world, that we had gone through so much together to create.
Now 9 months on we are divorced, he has no contact with the children, he has no contact with me, he pays nothing towards the children, he never asks about them and he has so far not done any courses to try and fix his head to persuade me otherwise.
He is in my head ALL the time. It drives me mad. I am constantly wondering what he is doing? Why he's not even trying to fix his head? What he thinks about all day? I want to speak to him, but not this version of him who wallows in self pity. I want to drive by and see if he is still living where he said he was 7 months ago. I am happy I don't have to fight to keep him away from my kids but so very angry that he has been to selfish to even try. My head is constantly conflicted. I just want to know if anyone else is going through this!?
Now 9 months on we are divorced, he has no contact with the children, he has no contact with me, he pays nothing towards the children, he never asks about them and he has so far not done any courses to try and fix his head to persuade me otherwise.
He is in my head ALL the time. It drives me mad. I am constantly wondering what he is doing? Why he's not even trying to fix his head? What he thinks about all day? I want to speak to him, but not this version of him who wallows in self pity. I want to drive by and see if he is still living where he said he was 7 months ago. I am happy I don't have to fight to keep him away from my kids but so very angry that he has been to selfish to even try. My head is constantly conflicted. I just want to know if anyone else is going through this!?
Conflicting feelings and emaiontion are normal... I would suggest getting in touch with a stopso Councillor to try and manage what your thinking and feeling! Best of luck x
Hello hunny
Wow I can't imagine how tough that must have been to not get any answers at all. I'm 5 months in n after so many hours talking.. I'm still trying to get them.
I think you should maybe listen to what your head is telling you. It may not make a difference to how you feel but these men are very complex and most hate themselves so much after the knock. He probably doesn't feel worthy of you or the kids.
Do what feels right for you hunny xxxx
Wow I can't imagine how tough that must have been to not get any answers at all. I'm 5 months in n after so many hours talking.. I'm still trying to get them.
I think you should maybe listen to what your head is telling you. It may not make a difference to how you feel but these men are very complex and most hate themselves so much after the knock. He probably doesn't feel worthy of you or the kids.
Do what feels right for you hunny xxxx
Thank you so much for your support. I am currently doing the inform course and it is really helping me process everything. It has made me realise it's all about control and thats the last thing that I can not control. I have to let it go. Now that I can see that it has actually helped me and although those thoughts are still there they are not as frequent or as intrusive.
Rainbowgirl80 I actually did get some answers. I met up with him a few weeks after it all and asked the what, where, who, why questions. He actually was honest with me and gave me all my answers. I am lucky I got them and he has since explained more about himself in an email. There is definitely a lot of self hate. But I have no feelings of sympathy for him. I can't imagine I ever will.