Today I’m having trouble understanding why?
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Today I can’t help thinking why did he do it? I’ve asked him questions and he answers them truthfully. He looks so remorseful and hurt but it’s too little to late. I thought like he told me in the beginning it was just looking online, he’d stumbled across it he’d had a porn obsession and wanted more, something more. Through questioning him he’s admitted to taking secret photos of my 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship asleep and getting dressed. I worry about this getting out publicly she’s at college and suffers with anxiety already. I worry what my family will think if it gets out as well as friends, work colleagues and strangers in our village. I know my daughters dad will kill him if he finds out. Social services has questioned her and so have I and there’s only one time she raised any concern which I did ask him about at the time and he explained it away as he was worried about her with her being on new medication and didn’t want to disturb her. I spoke to a friend and told her what happened and she told me not to worry and to except his explanation. I did go mad with him and told him how stupid he’d been and knock on her bedroom door in future. We had been together 7 years and it that time there was never any signs or other reasons for concerns. There’s so much going round in my head and what I want to ask him but I’m scared of the answers I’m scared of the next meetings with police and social services and what will come out. It’s another day today a new day but it’s also a new days of whys? He thinks we will come out the end of this a couple still and with counselling and treatment we can get through it. He tells me he loves me every day and he’s sorry but it’s to late. I’ve seen online the help out there that’s available for those who start off down the wrong path and wish he’d acted on it.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading and any comments.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading and any comments.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Is he going to engage in the online course? I can't imagine how you feel about him taking pics of your daughter, well actually I can. I don't quite understand the reason he gave for taking the pictures but you know the situation. I was groomed by my sons abuser and I trusted him completely. Does the Sw know about the photos? I know you have posted before about your relationship but my memory is none existent at the moment and I can't remember if you are still together? Everyday is horrible isn't it especially when you aren't sure you know everything and you are scared of finding anything else out.
Thanks Rebecca 1234
we had been together 7 years he’s the father to my 3year old boy and we are a year into buying the house I now live alone in.
I’m so angry at him at the moment I’m worried about losing the house on top of all this I also worry about his mental health and that he might do something stupid. I’ve told him I will never be able to trust him online or in the home and that if we make any kind of go at any kind relationship it will be for financial reasons. He’s the only one I can talk to and from what he tells me he’s told the police everything and gave them all the passwords to the devices and is doing the online courses and wants to accept all the help he can get.
I really have no one to talk to but him at the moment I dread the calls and visits from social services and I know we are to have another meeting where we both will be there, the police and social services. I just want to hide away.
He sees his mum daily and seen his dad twice since it came out (he probably saw his dad twice in 6 months) I know he’s there son but it’s like I’ve been forgot about. He tells me that his dad says he will try to help set him up somewhere more permanent to live (what about me in a house I won’t be able to afford) I’ve seen no one apart from him on a walk my older brother rang the day after but I didn’t know much then and my younger brother rang a few days after asking if he could help me in anyway and didn’t want to know what’s happened if I didn’t want to say. I asked if he could come do a little odd job for me but he said he was to busy and I’ve never heard from him since.
To add to the mess we worked together and I’ve been in since it happened but I don’t know if I can face work again just yet. He’s got a meeting Tuesday but I suspect he’s going to be fired then people will really talk.
I’m just happy my daughter knows nothing and hope it stays that way. It’s such a mess his mess but I feel while he hides away I’ve got to deal with it and carry on as normal.
Thanks for reading x
we had been together 7 years he’s the father to my 3year old boy and we are a year into buying the house I now live alone in.
I’m so angry at him at the moment I’m worried about losing the house on top of all this I also worry about his mental health and that he might do something stupid. I’ve told him I will never be able to trust him online or in the home and that if we make any kind of go at any kind relationship it will be for financial reasons. He’s the only one I can talk to and from what he tells me he’s told the police everything and gave them all the passwords to the devices and is doing the online courses and wants to accept all the help he can get.
I really have no one to talk to but him at the moment I dread the calls and visits from social services and I know we are to have another meeting where we both will be there, the police and social services. I just want to hide away.
He sees his mum daily and seen his dad twice since it came out (he probably saw his dad twice in 6 months) I know he’s there son but it’s like I’ve been forgot about. He tells me that his dad says he will try to help set him up somewhere more permanent to live (what about me in a house I won’t be able to afford) I’ve seen no one apart from him on a walk my older brother rang the day after but I didn’t know much then and my younger brother rang a few days after asking if he could help me in anyway and didn’t want to know what’s happened if I didn’t want to say. I asked if he could come do a little odd job for me but he said he was to busy and I’ve never heard from him since.
To add to the mess we worked together and I’ve been in since it happened but I don’t know if I can face work again just yet. He’s got a meeting Tuesday but I suspect he’s going to be fired then people will really talk.
I’m just happy my daughter knows nothing and hope it stays that way. It’s such a mess his mess but I feel while he hides away I’ve got to deal with it and carry on as normal.
Thanks for reading x
I really feel for you. Its like you have done nothing wrong yet have had this massive impact on your existence but there's no one there for you. It just doesn't seem fair. Not being able to talk about it is really hard isn't it. Someone said it's like being inside a balloon and no matter how hard you scream no one can hear you.
I have a daughter a similar age and I'm worried about her. When this comes out I just don't know what will happen. Social media just spreads everything. So many people get caught up in the carnage don't they.
please post back. I did the other day and it did help me to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone. It's just the people on here I share such intimate details with. And talking to non judgemental strangers can be better I think than friends or relatives who will all have their own opinion about what you should do and that's up to you alone.
These are such tough times to live through. I feel like my head is stuffed full of cotton wool and if I shake my head hard enough it will clear but of course it doesn't. And now we are in another lockdown which is making everything feel even worst.
how are you doing today x
I have a daughter a similar age and I'm worried about her. When this comes out I just don't know what will happen. Social media just spreads everything. So many people get caught up in the carnage don't they.
please post back. I did the other day and it did help me to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone. It's just the people on here I share such intimate details with. And talking to non judgemental strangers can be better I think than friends or relatives who will all have their own opinion about what you should do and that's up to you alone.
These are such tough times to live through. I feel like my head is stuffed full of cotton wool and if I shake my head hard enough it will clear but of course it doesn't. And now we are in another lockdown which is making everything feel even worst.
how are you doing today x
Thanks Rebecca.
Today I put in a week off work to try and get financial side of this rolling also he’s looked into getting a solicitor and phoned one up.
I’ve not seen or heard from anyone from either sides of the family. Had a friend ring to see if I was ok but that’s because she works in wages at work and noticed that my partner and I are off. She’s such a gossip always wanting to know everyone’s business. I just chatted small talk with her.
Waiting to hear from social services and the police is not doing my nerves any good.
How are u? I hope ur well and staying safe. Thanks again and hope to hear from u soon
Rusty x
Today I put in a week off work to try and get financial side of this rolling also he’s looked into getting a solicitor and phoned one up.
I’ve not seen or heard from anyone from either sides of the family. Had a friend ring to see if I was ok but that’s because she works in wages at work and noticed that my partner and I are off. She’s such a gossip always wanting to know everyone’s business. I just chatted small talk with her.
Waiting to hear from social services and the police is not doing my nerves any good.
How are u? I hope ur well and staying safe. Thanks again and hope to hear from u soon
Rusty x
Good idea to take some time off I think and hopefully that woman didn't suspect anything. You could just be taking a break together. After the Sw spoke to your daughter what did she say? Are they undertaking an assessment? That takes around 10 days but it depends when your 10 days started. The Sw that we saw rang yesterday to say they were closing the case from the initial assessment. It was such a massive, massive relief and really was causing me so much stress so I completely understand how horrible you feel. We've been told two years for the police but I don't know if they get in touch before I imagine they will wait and build their case.
Please Let us know if you hear anything. These things hang over you don't they like storm clouds gathering and it's like you are always expecting the downpour to begin! It's hell.
Please Let us know if you hear anything. These things hang over you don't they like storm clouds gathering and it's like you are always expecting the downpour to begin! It's hell.
Hi Rebecca
when I spoke to my daughter and the social worker they just discussed the time she caught him. Seems my daughter doesn’t know anything about the other photos. She’s more worried about my sanity and they financial side it’s having on the family. She knows he’s viewed and downloaded other images.
Hes selling the car which is sat on the drive he came round to wash it and take photos. I was so nervous the whole time he was here as SW told me he wasn’t allowed in the home not just access to the kids.
Hes has his work interview and is still suspended without pay which doesn’t help the situation any. He’s on bail another 2 and a half weeks and then work will review the situation then.
I’m such a weak person I suffer with bad anxiety before all this even seeing strangers in the street set it off and I never went out when it was dark. I now go to the local shop after dark but ask him to meet me and walk with me which I know I need to stop doing.
Didn’t leave the house today though. I think having him just on the drive taking photos of the car was enough for my nerves today.
Can I ask what u mean by assessment? All I’ve been told is I’ll be having a meeting with the SW with the police and him there. Also another home visit. What really annoys me is they don’t seem to be in any rush at all.
I hope ur well and staying safe
Rusty x
when I spoke to my daughter and the social worker they just discussed the time she caught him. Seems my daughter doesn’t know anything about the other photos. She’s more worried about my sanity and they financial side it’s having on the family. She knows he’s viewed and downloaded other images.
Hes selling the car which is sat on the drive he came round to wash it and take photos. I was so nervous the whole time he was here as SW told me he wasn’t allowed in the home not just access to the kids.
Hes has his work interview and is still suspended without pay which doesn’t help the situation any. He’s on bail another 2 and a half weeks and then work will review the situation then.
I’m such a weak person I suffer with bad anxiety before all this even seeing strangers in the street set it off and I never went out when it was dark. I now go to the local shop after dark but ask him to meet me and walk with me which I know I need to stop doing.
Didn’t leave the house today though. I think having him just on the drive taking photos of the car was enough for my nerves today.
Can I ask what u mean by assessment? All I’ve been told is I’ll be having a meeting with the SW with the police and him there. Also another home visit. What really annoys me is they don’t seem to be in any rush at all.
I hope ur well and staying safe
Rusty x
I'm sorry I got some info wrong there. The trouble with this forum I find is when you reply you can't refer to the post and with my memory with all this anxiety I forget points!
our situations are all so complex aren't they so it can be tricky on here to get your head round stuff.
he has moved out hasn't he but the Sw will be assessing you. They will be looking at your ability to protect your daughter. They did this with me with my sons which was heart breaking but I took on board accessing images can potentially make a person a real life risk to a child. But with her being 16 then the risk lessens. There are people on here with little ones who end up on child protection plans because they wouldn't have the ability to explain if anything happened. For people reading this please let me be clear I am not suggesting/agreeing with anything just the process so please don't think that. The point of these meetings is to gather information, assess you and the situation and decide on the way forward. It's horrendous there are no two ways about it. I find being home all day everything goes round and round in my head. As I've said before I was not in a good place before all this so every day is a real struggle. Maybe every time you feel your anxiety overwhelming you ring the help line or post on here. I'm off and on it all day, as you can prob tell by how much I post :-) but get it out, through confidential conversations or the written word and know we are here to help you get through this living hell.
our situations are all so complex aren't they so it can be tricky on here to get your head round stuff.
he has moved out hasn't he but the Sw will be assessing you. They will be looking at your ability to protect your daughter. They did this with me with my sons which was heart breaking but I took on board accessing images can potentially make a person a real life risk to a child. But with her being 16 then the risk lessens. There are people on here with little ones who end up on child protection plans because they wouldn't have the ability to explain if anything happened. For people reading this please let me be clear I am not suggesting/agreeing with anything just the process so please don't think that. The point of these meetings is to gather information, assess you and the situation and decide on the way forward. It's horrendous there are no two ways about it. I find being home all day everything goes round and round in my head. As I've said before I was not in a good place before all this so every day is a real struggle. Maybe every time you feel your anxiety overwhelming you ring the help line or post on here. I'm off and on it all day, as you can prob tell by how much I post :-) but get it out, through confidential conversations or the written word and know we are here to help you get through this living hell.
Hi Rebecca
I’m getting a visit today from SS the children are to go on a protective plan and they want to inform my daughters dad of this. I literally begged her not to as he’s been violent in the past (physically to others but mentally to me) I said I wouldn’t feel safe once she had told him but she just says phone the police if he turns up. I have no contact with her dad - his wish and he last saw his daughter 3months ago. I’ve told my daughter they want to tell her dad what’s going on and she huffed and rolled her eyes (typical teenager).
Such a mess and I have no control over any of it
thanks for reading
Rusty x
I’m getting a visit today from SS the children are to go on a protective plan and they want to inform my daughters dad of this. I literally begged her not to as he’s been violent in the past (physically to others but mentally to me) I said I wouldn’t feel safe once she had told him but she just says phone the police if he turns up. I have no contact with her dad - his wish and he last saw his daughter 3months ago. I’ve told my daughter they want to tell her dad what’s going on and she huffed and rolled her eyes (typical teenager).
Such a mess and I have no control over any of it
thanks for reading
Rusty x