Family and Friends Forum

Hi Cookie.I also work in a school. Our knock was 29th september. I haven't seen my husband since. We have 2 kids under 18.

I informed work straight away, police took him initially on info from nca of images downloading on kik. I found out they are catA. The very worst category.

He has made excuses. Social are involved. Your work need to know, if anything so they can support you. there is a thing called ladder(?) They have to speak with them to find out how it affects you at work. I have been told i am ok to still be at work, i had no knowledge of his offence til the knock. I have also refused to have him home.

Its difficult to talk to work but i would go direct to you safegaurding lead and tell them, they will know what to do. Its also confidential. Only those who need to know, will know.

I hope this helps a little, sorry its not more positive.

Hi cookie,

My knock was in July. Your feelings are normal, you didn't do anything to feel guilty about. I too have children from a previous relationship and young nieces and nephews and that feeling of guilt has not long passed for me. We make decisions based on the information we have at the time. Be kind to yourself. Eating and sleeping do return. You will go through so many emotions, it's a massive loss and the grieving process is strange. I don't work in a school but telling work was a massive help to me and I've received so much support from my manager and a few trusted colleagues. You've taken a huge step by reaching out on here. I'm having hypnotherapy and have had cognitive behavioural therapy through my GP. The cbt did help although I feel it would have benefited me more to have it after the process. Hypnotherapy is working, particularly with the feelings of guilt and releasing emotions. Look after yourself and reach out to people you feel comfortable talking to xxx

Hi cookie,

( sorry if I ramble, I’m pretty sleep deprived at the mo)

Its been 9 months since I found out what my ex had been doing. I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter at the time and I have a child from a previous relationship.

I remember going into the supermarket 2 days later, convinced that everyone knew ( they didn’t, my ex was arrested for iioc and conversations ) I felt so guilty and ashamed. I couldn’t look my neighbours in the eye and barely ate for weeks.

I called the helpline and told 2 friends and my parents. Looking back I think that was enough to keep me sane and stop me falling apart. The helpline can advise you on practical matters re your job and social services.

The police told me it was 1 cat C image. I knew there would be more to it ( like you say) for them to have been watching hisIP address and for several police officers to turn up at his house at 6am, it didn’t make sense.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It’s the last thing you would expect from someone you love and trust.

Take one day at a time. Xxx

Whatever you choose Cookie, know that you won't receive any judgement on here..

The time can fly in the first week I found, it feels very surreal.

Have you sought any help for your feelings?

I have found it really helpful reading through posts on here. So many people in our situation. Its hard and noone can possibly understand what we are going through unless they have been through it or are living it.

I hope you are all staying safe. No judgements here x

Dear All, I don't post on here often now, as I am trying to focus on myself and do whatever I need to do to keep on surviving. But I do read the forum often and am so upset to see so many new people have found themselves here. In the first months I posted lots! I found the forum a life saver. To be able to get out my thoughts and feelings and be listened to, and supported by those who truly understood. To learn from others experiences.
My world crashed around my ears when my husband was trapped by vigilantes and live-streamed. A horrid sibling of his immediately took the opportunity to tell as many family, friends and neighbours as they could. I wanted to tell them myself so spent the first days phoning and talking to everyone I loved, to prewarn them and stop their families from watching the video which would really distress them. I was not functioning other then that. It took weeks to feel again, I was in a haze. So I have experienced the full force of media....and I have survived. People are more compassionate than you know. I have not lost any friends, the relationships have changed, some I'm far closer with and others are more removed. And I've gained some new truly wonderful friends. His work were not so nice, his boss wrote a horrid letter to me, but that just confirmed what my husband subsequently told me, that he was bullied.
It is now 15 months on. Case is still with CPS, and unsurprisingly no news even though we were told 30 days. Husband lives a long way away. And with fear of people seeing him, or us together, and with covid, we have met only 3 times, less than an hour total. We talk on the phone, and text as we both undergo therapy. Him to understand why he is where he is, and me to survive this and try and understand why I didn't know what he was feeling and doing.
I now recognise that I am stronger than I ever thought. I am living again, albeit veiled in sadness. The grief is still there, but I can manage it better. Little things can tip me over the edge. Living in these weird covid times doesn't help. Time alone means I spend more time thinking.
I truly hope that happier and peaceful times are ahead for all of us. And I so hope that society starts to wake up to the dangers of social media, porn and sex addiction, and the toxic mix of them all. I was very ignorant of it all. I wish I was better informed. It probably wouldn't have changed anything, but maybe if he was aware it could have changed things for him.
take care everyone, and to those who are at the start of this horrendous journey, I hope that I have given you a glimmer of hope that things do get better. Not the same as before, but much better than the start. Stay strong. xxxx