Family and Friends Forum

so it’s around 2 1/2 weeks since the knock. It’s still early days.

I know I have a lot to process and first thing is first me and my daughter need to move back into our own home. I gave my ex husband permission to stay at ours as I had family I could stay at and he had very few people to call. Though it’s getting on now so hopefully he will find something soon so we can move back in. I am guessing then that the loneliness will hit. But I don’t like living in limbo I want my own home back.

My views of my partner swing massively from feeling sorry for him for being so stupid and then feeling sick that he is going to harm himself and I will have to find his body. It’s constantly going over my mind I find it hard to think of anything else. This worry I think is what’s blocking me processing the betrayal. Her is such a child I want him to access therapy. It’s still early days and he is under investigation and not charged. But surely these men need support and the name and shaming in the press is so much pressure. I am surprised they can look anyone in the eye.

So I am worried about the future. Part of me thinks if he can stay in his job and get a flat he will be okay and that may allow me to mentally move on.

i genuinely don’t see us back together he has caused the family so much pain, but also I am torn I don’t want his life destroyed.

i never expected he would harm my daughter so still can’t process the man behind the screen. He has lost so much. I am also annoyed as know longer term I will have to find a different job so my working hours are better for me being a single mum. I think that’s what I am going to resent him for first. He can’t help out with child care so I have to juggle it all paying the bills and being there.



I know now he will pay maintenance but it’s not the point. I don’t really have anyone else to help with nursery collection future school run. I will need to look for new work. I am only greatful that I am off work at the moment so can process this.

i don’t have s question just needed to vent.

it seems so hard that they take computer and make us wait months and months.

its like living in limbo. I don’t want him to be charged but guess he will be and then that’s a new hurdle to get over.

i think I called this post waiting as I am waiting to get on with my life which is on hold because of his offending.

Thanks mariA, your response means a lot.

He has spoken to the crisis team but that’s all at the moment. He is calling the helpline but is presenting to me as pretty destroyed. He is talking about not being there when my daughter grows up so that’s why I am fearful. I hope he has it on him to wait to talk to police and see what they can support.

I think your right it’s early days. I can’t just turn off my feelings for him.

Its such a hard situation for us all.

its frustrating that it’s not something that can be openly discussed.

There really needs to be more understanding of the reason behind the offences and how to stop. I think therapy more than name and shame is the answer. My partner will have lost me his daughter and potentially his job and that’s before his name is out there and his reputation is destroyed.



i don’t know my parents reasons or even what will be found on his computer but it seems so much pain for everyone involved to carry this burden.

everyone is so strong. I hope my future is okay. I know if I put my daughter first and start looking for a job nearby it will be more practical in the future. Though to be honest I am still not in the mood for looking at anything and often just want to I hide from the world and have a duvet day.

It took a lot of emotional energy over Christmas so just beginning to wind down and greatful I am off work for a bit and taking the time she is at nursery to rest.

thanks so much for sharing your experience. It does seem that between us there is a sense of feeling very alone so greatful for you all.

Partners reasons I mean. Sorry for all my typos I miss my computer screen.