Family and Friends Forum

Everyday i wondered what I did to get this life. My son abused as a little boy and now a year almost to the day of him telling me we face a whole new world of hell. I'm sorry if I've said this before but the pain burns into me like a poker. I look in the mirror and see someone who I hate. I can't ever imagine being happy again. I try so hard every day to not let it show for my other children but it does and they don't deserve that. They don't deserve a mum like me. I wonder how much longer I can go on living for other people because if it were up to me I would have ended this pain for good.



I read everyone's posts about partners, uncles and dads but none about children. If it were your child abused. I fit into both yet neither. My sons rapist has never been named and he carries on living his life with just a handful of people knowing his secret. Whilst my son cuts, burns, starves and poisons himself. He's just turned 19. He has done wrong now and he's going to pay for it.



I am so tired. Losing my brother, Dad and then my Mum. I'm so tired of living with this endless pain. There is no reason why it shouldn't be me though I guess. I think though that everyone must have a point where they just cannot take anymore pain?

This post isn't saying or asking anything. It's just an expression of my pain and my deep deep wish for it to all end.

Thanks. The dr did just offer pills which haven't done anything and counselling offered cruise telephone sessions but the waiting list is big. They think my multiple losses need to be addressed first but that's only a part of it.



thanks for replying I really appreciate it xxx sometimes a persons kind words makes all the difference.