I feel I’ve Been let down by everyone.
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sorry to rant and post again but I’ve no where else to go. So I’ve received the report that goes into the child protection meeting and it’s not a nice thing to read. From 1 meeting with the SW in the 1st week of the knock her report about me doesnt paint me out to be a fit mother.
Non of my family or his family have come forward to show me support apart from my in-laws taking our youngest for just over a week so I could work and juggle this mess while getting my head around it all. This has back fired for me in the report also some Of the things that my in laws have said to her doesn’t help. Even my oldest daughter has made comments not in my favour when I asked her about it she claims she didn’t say what the report says. It doesn’t help that I let him visit the family home when he was released on bail because the police said it was ok to do so and the report pulls me down for this too.
It also says i don’t show any emotion even coming across as distant. I try to hold my emotions in and not cause a scene while I’m panicking and crumbling inside. Believe me if she want emotion I can show her emotion but I reasoned keeping a calm head would work in my favour. How wrong was I?
I just want to lock the door and hide away with my kids
i don’t think the relationship will survive this SS are going to make it very difficult for me even if I want to remain in contact with him. My partners caused all this mess yet I feel it’s me and my life that’s been pulled apart by everyone. It’s like SS have taken what I’ve said and read between the lines.
Its a mess, I’m a mess and I’ve not even had the meeting yet.
Non of my family or his family have come forward to show me support apart from my in-laws taking our youngest for just over a week so I could work and juggle this mess while getting my head around it all. This has back fired for me in the report also some Of the things that my in laws have said to her doesn’t help. Even my oldest daughter has made comments not in my favour when I asked her about it she claims she didn’t say what the report says. It doesn’t help that I let him visit the family home when he was released on bail because the police said it was ok to do so and the report pulls me down for this too.
It also says i don’t show any emotion even coming across as distant. I try to hold my emotions in and not cause a scene while I’m panicking and crumbling inside. Believe me if she want emotion I can show her emotion but I reasoned keeping a calm head would work in my favour. How wrong was I?
I just want to lock the door and hide away with my kids
i don’t think the relationship will survive this SS are going to make it very difficult for me even if I want to remain in contact with him. My partners caused all this mess yet I feel it’s me and my life that’s been pulled apart by everyone. It’s like SS have taken what I’ve said and read between the lines.
Its a mess, I’m a mess and I’ve not even had the meeting yet.
I haven't personally dealt with SS but I have had similar situation with regards to my partner's main risk assessment from probation. They had not even met me (I was at work during a home visit) and deemed me immature because our flat is full of pop culture memorabilia (Disney models, plushies etc).
The assessment painted me as if I couldn't comprehend the seriousness of my partner's offence based on how we display our home! Also think they based it on my age (I was 26 at the time).
Unfortunately you are not alone with SS and how they deal with those who still have contact with their kids dad. They will make it hard and prefer you to say you will have zero contact so they can close the case. Sad but true. And I'm sure someone else has mentioned they were assumed cold because they didn't show emotion. But I bet if you showed emotion they would criticise you for that as well!
Dealing with SS is a fight, i recommend looking at posts related to SS on the forum to see what advice is there. Also I hope you get responses here too.
Sending hugs
The assessment painted me as if I couldn't comprehend the seriousness of my partner's offence based on how we display our home! Also think they based it on my age (I was 26 at the time).
Unfortunately you are not alone with SS and how they deal with those who still have contact with their kids dad. They will make it hard and prefer you to say you will have zero contact so they can close the case. Sad but true. And I'm sure someone else has mentioned they were assumed cold because they didn't show emotion. But I bet if you showed emotion they would criticise you for that as well!
Dealing with SS is a fight, i recommend looking at posts related to SS on the forum to see what advice is there. Also I hope you get responses here too.
Sending hugs
Oh I'm so sorry! What a Shit storm! And the meeting hasn't even come yet. Maybe that's the time to show them how you feel inside? As you sob uncontrollably then they say you are over emotional!! It feels like you just can't win either way with them. I tried to hold it together with the social worker and the fact I didn't like her I wasn't going to start getting upset.
what day is the child protection meeting. I'm thinking of you. I really hope it goes ok xx
what day is the child protection meeting. I'm thinking of you. I really hope it goes ok xx
Ask for another Social Worker rusty... I've read your other reports and the fact that she isn't turning up for appointments gives you a good argument for a new social worker to review your case before they make any decisions...
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I found my experience with my SW super stressful. She was absolutely incompetent. Never turned up on time (often hours late with no apology) and every time I saw her I was an emotional wreck (which she criticised me for) When my husband was bailed I also let him come home on the understanding that he wasn't allowed to stay overnight or have unsupervised contact with the children and SS went mad when they found out and accused me of being non protective (the police didn't communicate with SS so I didn't realise the 'rules' I was just adhering to what the police told me) She had no compassion whatsoever. we are now under a different SW and she is better and seems nice but they very much have their own agenda and I don't feel that they treat families as individuals. It's all a tick box exercise.
Stay strong xxx
Stay strong xxx
Hi Rusty, just to say I'm thinking of you as know how tough the CPP is emotionally. You should have chance to feedback on inaccuracies in the report before the conference and also talk to the Chair just beforehand if you still have concerns. There will be a number of people at the conference from social services so see it as an opportunity to express your side of the story, especially if the SW has only seen you once to date in the first highly charged days.
Keep calm but do let them know how upset and devastated you are by the situation. Make sure you stress keeping your children safe is your main priority & even if you think there is no chance of contact offences don't say it as they will think you're in denial.
What have they suggested as the care plan in the report - do you agree with it?
Hold in there, take deep breaths and look after yourself as best you can to get through it. X
Keep calm but do let them know how upset and devastated you are by the situation. Make sure you stress keeping your children safe is your main priority & even if you think there is no chance of contact offences don't say it as they will think you're in denial.
What have they suggested as the care plan in the report - do you agree with it?
Hold in there, take deep breaths and look after yourself as best you can to get through it. X
Thanks everyone.
I get a new social worker as the one I have at the moment (the one that didn’t turn up twice) is a duty social worker and doesn’t even cover this area. Problem is the new one is on leave and not back till next week so won’t even be able to attend my protection meeting tomorrow. She will only have what the reports say and the outcome of the meeting to go off and judge me from. I don’t think I can have a relationship with my partner after this I haven’t got the heart to tell him I think deep down he hopes we can com out the other side of this a family still.
Ill never trust anyone again not even family.
I get a new social worker as the one I have at the moment (the one that didn’t turn up twice) is a duty social worker and doesn’t even cover this area. Problem is the new one is on leave and not back till next week so won’t even be able to attend my protection meeting tomorrow. She will only have what the reports say and the outcome of the meeting to go off and judge me from. I don’t think I can have a relationship with my partner after this I haven’t got the heart to tell him I think deep down he hopes we can com out the other side of this a family still.
Ill never trust anyone again not even family.
Today I’ve woke up ready to fight to prove the report wrong that I’ll put my kids 1st and the safety of them. I’m still not happy with my in-laws and what they have said but I’ve not challenged them on this. My nerves are through the roof and it scares me what power these people have over me and my family. Wish me luck. Keep ur fingers crossed for me and send me loads of support and strength please. Thanks x
I am sending you heaps of strength and support you will get through this. Don't over talk them in the meeting the chair should give you the opportunity's to speak In reponse to professionals comments and then explain your responses then. Keep calm be honest the chair is independent they should come up with a plan and its in your best interests to do the actions set in the plan if you think the action can't be done or unreasonable for whatever reasonable reason then you must say don't just go along with it as at the next conference they will want to see the actions have been completed! Huge hugs x
Thank you everyone I made it through the meeting. A lot of lies were said about me and my parenting skills but it was nice that both my ex and my partner stuck up for me and they both behaved themselves (my ex can be quiet aggressive both verbally and physically)
I’m still angry about what my in-laws said claiming that they do 50% of my sons care while my partner did the rest and if not them then my daughter did. Apparently I’m in the wrong to ask my 16 year old to entertain her brother while I grab a quick shower or a time out (I had a babysitting job at her age and I recently know one 16 year old that was left with her toddler and newborn sister while her mum went to work)
I also shouldn’t let the grandparents just turn up and take my youngest as that’s wrong too they should phone and book a play or sleep over at theirs.
Im now left with the impossible task of trying to get back to work while find a sitter for my youngest. God forbid I should ask my 16 year old cos that would be wrong in SS eyes. Also my in-laws offered to help and have helped in the past but I don’t know if I can trust them now. I’m going to have to beg work to let me go back on reduced hours over two days a week and arrange with in-laws to have him. He starts school in January so fingers crossed work let me work around school hours then. I did mention in the meeting they were making it difficult to go back to work and I got the impression they wanted me to not and to be a stay a home mum.
Can’t wait to meet my new SW as she will only have the reports and notes from the meeting to go off and no doubt make a snap decision I’m a lazy useless mum like I’ve been made out to be. I did say my piece but I think it fell on deaf ears as they’d already made there minds up about me.
Thanks once again x
I’m still angry about what my in-laws said claiming that they do 50% of my sons care while my partner did the rest and if not them then my daughter did. Apparently I’m in the wrong to ask my 16 year old to entertain her brother while I grab a quick shower or a time out (I had a babysitting job at her age and I recently know one 16 year old that was left with her toddler and newborn sister while her mum went to work)
I also shouldn’t let the grandparents just turn up and take my youngest as that’s wrong too they should phone and book a play or sleep over at theirs.
Im now left with the impossible task of trying to get back to work while find a sitter for my youngest. God forbid I should ask my 16 year old cos that would be wrong in SS eyes. Also my in-laws offered to help and have helped in the past but I don’t know if I can trust them now. I’m going to have to beg work to let me go back on reduced hours over two days a week and arrange with in-laws to have him. He starts school in January so fingers crossed work let me work around school hours then. I did mention in the meeting they were making it difficult to go back to work and I got the impression they wanted me to not and to be a stay a home mum.
Can’t wait to meet my new SW as she will only have the reports and notes from the meeting to go off and no doubt make a snap decision I’m a lazy useless mum like I’ve been made out to be. I did say my piece but I think it fell on deaf ears as they’d already made there minds up about me.
Thanks once again x
Good luck Rusty.
If I were you I wouldn't trust the in laws... I think they're trying to take you son from you... From what you've said. Play happy families with their grandchild and their son...
If I were you I wouldn't trust the in laws... I think they're trying to take you son from you... From what you've said. Play happy families with their grandchild and their son...