Family and Friends Forum

Heya there billion,

First thing first - take a good few deep breathes... It seems silly but it'll help. Sorry to find that you are here under the circumstances..

Do you know what the police are charging your brother with? Did they remove any electronic devices? It could be a number of things from indecent images to texting a girl or boy under the age of 18.

How is your mum doing?

Being arrested doesn't necessarily mean serving time. There are a number of factors involved, from first time offence to the catagory if images (if indeed that's the case)

You can always phone the Lucy faithful telephone line for more answers and a chatb

Hi Billion

How awful for you and your family.

This offence is on the up hunny. Most of these men are not what society portrays them to be. Most men watch mainstream porn first and become totally desensitised to what they are watching. They fall down a rabbit hole and it takes that knock to snap them out of it. For me.. Its my husband and our knock was may this year. He can't live with us right now as we have kids.

I can totally empathise with how you and your mum are feeling. I could not eat or sleep at first. The shock and disbelief are immense!! Please both try and get support from your gp... Medication and counselling if need be.. Encourage your mum to join the forum too. She will find lots of other mums too. Also both call the helpline regularly. Things will get easier over time. Take care hunny xxx

Hi Billion

I had the knock on the 13th of Feb, my son had downloaded cat A,B &C images,

it depends on how many images there are , the police stop counting at a 1000,

my son had 132 . He went to trial on the 28th of Aug and got a 2 year suspended scentence. Luckily due to covid his probation service is over the phone, all devices are to be checked evey 2 to 3 months.

At first you are in total shock and can not think straight , i too couldnot sleep or eat, i went to my Doctors and went on antidepressants.

10 months in we are in a better place, it takes time but you will get there x

Hi, sorry you've found yourself in this group!



Did they remove devices yesterday or did this happen months ago and he didn't tell you?



My partner (same age as your brother) had the knock a few weeks ago for the same crime and was released under investigation (will definitely be charged) until the forensics have looked at his devices.



I know how you're feeling, it's really horrible but it does get easier xxx

I'm sorry you find yourself in this group but we are wonderful and strong people also living this nightmare.
You may find it useful to contact the helpline and talk through what's been happening and how you are feeling you are in no way to blame how could any of us have guessed?

maybe your brother has t been granted bail because if his mental health rather than the actual offences. When people are arrested for these offences they see a nurse to assess mental well-being and if it is thought he is a danger to himself or others then may not be granted bail.

please take things hour by hour day by day stay strong and keep coming back

Hi,

Has anyone given you advice on adding credit and phone numbers onto his account? I've not had experience with setting this up as my partner/ex partners parents dealt with it all. Hopefully someone will give you some advice around this. You can also set up to email him if you know his prison ID number. It's not a fast service but it's a method of letting him know that you're thinking of him. You could also try calling the prison to get information about setting his phone up etc. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation xxx

Hi

So sorry you and your mum are going through this. I assume he accepted legal representation. Can you get the name of the company and contact them? If he declined it you need to get him a solicitor straight away. Does he have a history of mental health issues?

Billion, you sound like an amazing big sister!!

I remember the early days after the knock... The shock and trauma is unreal. You are offering him support and also trying to understand some of the reasons why your brother may have ended up going down this rabbit hole. The majority of our partners / sons were suffering from deep mental health issues and not talking, not accepting support. Hopefully this will be picked up in custody and he will be given some medication and talking therapy.

Have you heard from him today? It must be so tough it being his birthday.... But you can have a delayed celebration when he is home. He is going to need your support.

Please be kind to yourself and make sure you're getting support too... You and your mum. It's cliché but the only way is to take a day at a time. Xxxx

Hi billion

Yes.. Guilt by association.. I completely relate to that... However... We have to remember that we have done nothing wrong. We are not guilty of anything aside from loving them and trying to understand.

People are not all just one thing.. Like you say... He is a good person who did a bad thing.

Hope things get easier for you lovely xxx

Hi Billion

i have experience with how things work in prison because sadly, my son is in prison. It took my son six days to call me when he first went to prison. This was because the prison has to set up a PIN number on the phones unique to the prisoner. They also have to clear any numbers the prisoner is going to call. He also needs to know from memory the phone number he's going to call unless he wrote it down before he was remanded to prison. If he does not know the number someone will have to send it to him.Depending on the prison, this can take days. I remember some of the six days I waited for his call. The stress and anxiety it caused was not describable. When I got his call on the evening of day six I thought I was going to pass out from the relief of hearing his voice. I called the prison on day two and they put me through to a family liaison person. That person told me that he had spoken to my son that motprning and reassured me that he was doing ok. I was grateful for that but it did not put my mind at ease. I'm in Scotland so things could be slightly different. I know how hard it is but sit tight and he will phone. Remember, he will be worried about you and his parents as well as he's bound to know how anxious you all are as each day goes by that he can't call you. Also here in Scotland prisoners are only getting out three times a day and sometimes only twice but even with that my son has been able to call. I honestly think it's just a case of the prison has not set up his phone account yet. Take care x

Hi billion,

A similar thing happened to my dad over a year ago now, and by the sounds of it I had the exact outlook as you. I knew what he had done was wrong, however there was no way I could turn my back on someone who needed my help.



My dad went to prison, purely based on his mental health, he wasnt granted bail at first because he had openly said he was going to kill himself... never easy to hear as his daughter but we knew he was safe. It took him a few days to get in contact with us as he had gone into complete shock, had no recollection of how he got there or what he had done.

I actually ended up writing a letter to him! I had to do a lot of research on how to get it to him, but I managed. And that was just enough to bring him back to us for him to get in contact again! We were then able to find out what had happened and re applied for bail, which were granted second time round!



keep fighting for your brother your doing the right thing sticking by him, he'll need you more then ever now, it'll be a long journey but the storm will pass, and we are all stronger then ever a year later xx