Completely overwhelmed
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Hi everyone,
indont know where to begin. Thursday 12th November I was woken up by 5 police officers in my house. They had been ringing the doorbell but I had switched it off. (I have a 3.5 year old and an 8 week old they were both asleep hence didn't want doorbell to wake them).
My husband had been arrested on suspicion of child sex offence. They didn't give me anymore information. I thought he was dead thats the reason I thought the police were in my house. He told me he was at work which he obviously wasn't.
long story short he has pleaded guilty to viewing images, been on chat with a parent discussing his 10 year old daughter and went to meet the parent and child. I cannot even believe I am writing this. It was the police on the chat and he was arrested at the address very far from our home.
I am trying so hard, I have started the divorce proceedings and need to move away from this area. His job means he is known in the county. It's just awful the colossal damage to our family, his family our friends.
I have taken my little boy out of nursery because I know that due to his job people already know and I cannot bare the thought of people talking about my little boys Daddy. How could he do this to us. Our new little baby boy just awful. I keep it together throughout the day and then when the boys are down I completely crumble.
I need to sell the house, I cannot afford mortgage on my own. Sort out all of the financial implications of him not working.
He is going to be sentenced that makes me feel sick! I don't care about me it's my two little boys. He is under strict bail conditions and cannot see them and my SW said it will be with SW if he ever gets to see them.
2 weeks ago we were a family now it's gone. I am a mixture of emotions so so so sad angry humiliated and still in shock.
sorry for really long post just so sad and feel so alone. I have lots of family support and friends but it's just me in this deep dark hole.
indont know where to begin. Thursday 12th November I was woken up by 5 police officers in my house. They had been ringing the doorbell but I had switched it off. (I have a 3.5 year old and an 8 week old they were both asleep hence didn't want doorbell to wake them).
My husband had been arrested on suspicion of child sex offence. They didn't give me anymore information. I thought he was dead thats the reason I thought the police were in my house. He told me he was at work which he obviously wasn't.
long story short he has pleaded guilty to viewing images, been on chat with a parent discussing his 10 year old daughter and went to meet the parent and child. I cannot even believe I am writing this. It was the police on the chat and he was arrested at the address very far from our home.
I am trying so hard, I have started the divorce proceedings and need to move away from this area. His job means he is known in the county. It's just awful the colossal damage to our family, his family our friends.
I have taken my little boy out of nursery because I know that due to his job people already know and I cannot bare the thought of people talking about my little boys Daddy. How could he do this to us. Our new little baby boy just awful. I keep it together throughout the day and then when the boys are down I completely crumble.
I need to sell the house, I cannot afford mortgage on my own. Sort out all of the financial implications of him not working.
He is going to be sentenced that makes me feel sick! I don't care about me it's my two little boys. He is under strict bail conditions and cannot see them and my SW said it will be with SW if he ever gets to see them.
2 weeks ago we were a family now it's gone. I am a mixture of emotions so so so sad angry humiliated and still in shock.
sorry for really long post just so sad and feel so alone. I have lots of family support and friends but it's just me in this deep dark hole.
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Thanks so much blackhound for your reply! I have had a really emotional evening. I had correspondance from my husband via my solicitor and it just evoked so much emotion.
I did not know how to deal. He is now changing his plea to not guilty?! He said he was given bad advice by the duty solicitor. I just wonder what that means when he attends court in a few weeks!
may it result in suspended sentence or open a trial? It's such a headwreck ????
I did not know how to deal. He is now changing his plea to not guilty?! He said he was given bad advice by the duty solicitor. I just wonder what that means when he attends court in a few weeks!
may it result in suspended sentence or open a trial? It's such a headwreck ????
Hi simple, I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. The initial few weeks are horrendous and the questions just keep coming.
My now ex is also well known in our community so I know if/when this comes out it will go crazy. I've moved in preparation but I know everyone will know my business still. If he's identified so am I and the children. The kids are the innocents in this.
I also understand your anxiety around taking your son from nursery. My girls are all school age and safeguarding leads etc all knew but it is my position that made that difficult. I work within an area which means I'm well known across education and social care professionally so these people doing assessments knew me. Thankfully my file was put on lockdown but the paranoia didn't subside.
Please find some trusted friends you can talk to through this and keep coming back here.
My now ex is also well known in our community so I know if/when this comes out it will go crazy. I've moved in preparation but I know everyone will know my business still. If he's identified so am I and the children. The kids are the innocents in this.
I also understand your anxiety around taking your son from nursery. My girls are all school age and safeguarding leads etc all knew but it is my position that made that difficult. I work within an area which means I'm well known across education and social care professionally so these people doing assessments knew me. Thankfully my file was put on lockdown but the paranoia didn't subside.
Please find some trusted friends you can talk to through this and keep coming back here.
Hi Imploding,
thank you so much for commenting. I just feel so completely overwhelmed now and again. I stop in my tracks! It's like he is dead, but he is only 10'miles away (staying with parents) somewhere we went a few times a week.
This will go public and this breaks my heart for all involved my little family and my in laws.
Sometimes I do feel sorry for him but then I look at my little boys and think.. how could you? I have the boys as my main focus now and do not have any thing left in the tank for him. It makes me so so sad.
There have been other issues in our relationship in the past, controlling behaviour and on reflection he was passive aggressive. This hurts also because when my 3 year old was 4 month my husband hit me and I wanted our relationship to work, he had counselling and I thought we were back on track and on the same page! Fast forward 3 years and my second son is born and at 2 months old I have the police in my house for this! It's just mind blowing and has completely floored me.
Lucky to have good friends and family and this forum is amazing xx
thank you so much for commenting. I just feel so completely overwhelmed now and again. I stop in my tracks! It's like he is dead, but he is only 10'miles away (staying with parents) somewhere we went a few times a week.
This will go public and this breaks my heart for all involved my little family and my in laws.
Sometimes I do feel sorry for him but then I look at my little boys and think.. how could you? I have the boys as my main focus now and do not have any thing left in the tank for him. It makes me so so sad.
There have been other issues in our relationship in the past, controlling behaviour and on reflection he was passive aggressive. This hurts also because when my 3 year old was 4 month my husband hit me and I wanted our relationship to work, he had counselling and I thought we were back on track and on the same page! Fast forward 3 years and my second son is born and at 2 months old I have the police in my house for this! It's just mind blowing and has completely floored me.
Lucky to have good friends and family and this forum is amazing xx
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Overwhelm so normal. I don't know how I got through those first few weeks but it was definitely for my children. I don't know if it will go public as I don't know if he's going to be charged he's currently on bail.
I also used to feel like it was as if he'd died, he was just plucked out of our life so we were dealing with grief but also the trauma of knowing what he's done. Initially I was so worried about his mental health etc. Not now. I don't have it left.
im really glad to hear you have strong friendships. Hold tight onto those xx
I also used to feel like it was as if he'd died, he was just plucked out of our life so we were dealing with grief but also the trauma of knowing what he's done. Initially I was so worried about his mental health etc. Not now. I don't have it left.
im really glad to hear you have strong friendships. Hold tight onto those xx
You are right "Imploding" having good friends and family is key. Sometimes I want to talk and other times I feel like I am done with the whole thing!
Irrespective of whether you stay or leave the common theme seems to be this type of crime leaves you vulnerable and so very sad. Sadness seems to be the main emotion I feel.
I am apprehensive as I have my in laws over in a few days to see my boys, they have been quite unpleasant towards me since this all started and i just don't have the energy for any confrontation or emotional baggage. It makes me sound awful but my two little boys just need me as their constant and that is most important moving forward.
Irrespective of whether you stay or leave the common theme seems to be this type of crime leaves you vulnerable and so very sad. Sadness seems to be the main emotion I feel.
I am apprehensive as I have my in laws over in a few days to see my boys, they have been quite unpleasant towards me since this all started and i just don't have the energy for any confrontation or emotional baggage. It makes me sound awful but my two little boys just need me as their constant and that is most important moving forward.
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Hi Blackhound,
I think they were in complete denial. Today went very well. My little boy was really happy to see his grandparents and vice versa. Just really emotional for us 3 adults. I felt that they respected my emotions state and didn't discuss my husband or divorce. It's just so dreadfully sad I didn't want this but my husband chose this path for us all. I know if I tried to stay in the marriage I would resent him at a later stage and that's not good for anyone x
I think they were in complete denial. Today went very well. My little boy was really happy to see his grandparents and vice versa. Just really emotional for us 3 adults. I felt that they respected my emotions state and didn't discuss my husband or divorce. It's just so dreadfully sad I didn't want this but my husband chose this path for us all. I know if I tried to stay in the marriage I would resent him at a later stage and that's not good for anyone x
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It's just a real mixed bag of emotions today. As we are going away tomorrow for the Christmas break to be with some of my family and even though I am looking forward to the support and change of scenery, I am so sad that this is what Christmas is this year. Not my little 10 week olds first Christmas as a family of four. It's just awful. Feeling that old vulnerable sadness this evening. I think because already this week I have arranged house to go on market, saw SW and had in laws over whilst trying to pack!
I wouldnt wish this on anyone x
I wouldnt wish this on anyone x
You are processing so much loss be kind to yourself. Any feelings you feel right now and decisions you make are legitimate.
I'm glad you're going to stay with family for support but understand that it's bittersweet because it's not what it " should've " been like. I feel that often, again it's the loss.
I'm so glad contact with in laws was positive today, I imagine they're emotions are all over the place too but need to respect you are doing your best for you and the children.
I hope the time away gives you some tine to process and you are well supported. Much love xx
I'm glad you're going to stay with family for support but understand that it's bittersweet because it's not what it " should've " been like. I feel that often, again it's the loss.
I'm so glad contact with in laws was positive today, I imagine they're emotions are all over the place too but need to respect you are doing your best for you and the children.
I hope the time away gives you some tine to process and you are well supported. Much love xx