Family and Friends Forum

My son had a counselling session with a young LFF worker which appeared to go well but now he won't speak with them again. Does anyone have any advice on how to work towards getting people to engage. When he said no he didn't want to I wasn't sure how to handle it. Just in case people don't know our story he was sexually abused from the age of 8 so I wasn't sure how to handle it. Any ideas? I don't know what to say or do anymore.

Hi Lee



thanks for the reply. He has only had one session. They said it was about him talking to the counsellor and not to involve me. I don't think he would want me to really. Does any 19 year old boy want to talk about sex with his Mum. He was raped by men so always prefers females eg we had to get a female solicitor etc. I just don't know how to get through to him. I don't think he wants to think about it as it all comes back to him as he gets a lot of flashbacks and nightmares but we won't ever move forward. I am lost in this and how to support him.

He won't engage with anything. I say I'm here to listen but unless he's taken something (drugs) which he hasn't for a while he doesn't. I'll ring the helpline tomorrow to see how I can make contact with his worker. I've posted before he has an eating disorder and self harms all the time. I shouldn't have got my hopes up he would speak to her again. He is clearly in so much pain and I feel like I can't do anything or don't know what to do. I can see why he doesn't trust anyone. He was betrayed by someone who he should have been safe with

Thanks for the posts. I really appreciate the support. After months I finally got him to the doctor (phone). He put it on speaker and we sat together on the sofa. I wanted to share the conversation with you. My son shared that he was raped from around 8. The doctor said why didn't you tell anyone? My son looked at me and said well I don't know really. The doctor said "well you know if you had told someone you could have made it stop". My son replied I'm not sure you should say that isn't it victim blaming? He went to his bedroom and stayed there for two weeks. He only had fluids during that time and we were not sure he was going to get through it. Now I am very wary of 'professionals' this doctor was a partner in the practice, not a newly qualified young doctor. I still all this time on I cannot believe what he said. It was me that had said let's speak to the GP. Me that had made that appointment.



I won't get him back to the doctors (we have since moved practice).
I just don't know which way to turn. He is like a skeleton and that makes his eyes look bigger and he looks at me with them and I feel my heart breaking in two. I thought I knew pain when I lost my brother, dad and mum but this is like walking through hell and pulling up a seat.

Thanks again Lee. I have spoken to the new GP about everything but as he's just 19 all she can really do is give me leaflets. Thanks for replying.

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I find it difficult sometimes as my son is both a survivor and a perpetrator. As I have posted before he was abused by a number of people and there are images of him when he was little and I was groomed. Then he became a person who looked at images. Sometimes that feels really complicated and confusing. I have found a forum that just supports survivors and they have explained to me how that part of him feels and how to deal with what's happening to us. And I have all of you to support with the other part of him.



thank you for your ongoing support. It's much appreciated.