Family and Friends Forum

I've been lurking on here for months and have only just built up the courage to post, reading all of your posts has really helped me get through. June 4th I had the knock, about 10 officers from the nca with a warrant to search my home as my partner was/is suspected of viewing indecent images of children. My whole world fell apart, my partner was working out of town and my 2 kids 9 and 11 were in bed. Devestation, shock every emotion possible I went through and still do. Anyway they arrested my partner at work, interviewed him then he was released on bail under investigation. He got rebailed a couple of times until March 4th. He is not allowed to live at our home or come and visit. He was allowed supervised visits with the kids for around the first 2 months then I got assigned a new social worker ( my third one! ) who told me he is no longer allowed supervised visits, he's not allowed to speak to them on the phone either. At first I tried to keep an open mind but I thought there was a possibility he might not be guilty, he has always denied it. He told me it was 7 images linked to his email adress and our ip address. I was quite supportive whilst still trying to keep an open mind, there was a possibility this man I've been with for 13 years could be gulity but I didn't want to just cut him off incase he was innocent. I felt sorry for him, crying about not being able to see the kids. He's living at his mums, last Thursday my world fell apart once again, the police went to his mums, arrested him and searched their house again. He had an old smart phone which he'd been given and said he'd just been on youtube. Is this normal, do they usually come and arrest them again and do another search. Have I been in denial all this time? Im totally devastated and just cant wrap my head around it. The worst part is when he was interviewed again he said they've found 6 more images on something called mega.nz ? He is still denying it and it gets worse apparently the police said to him if you dont admit to it we will keep you inside on remand and you definitely wont be able to see your kids. So he admitted to it! He's now saying he was pressurised into it and the police said if he admitted to it they would advise ss he could see the kids. What the hell? I dont know what to think, obviously I think he's guilty now but why cant he just tell me the truth. He has not admitted to any of it and I think he could be downplaying the amount of images etc.I only keep in contact with him abit because Im terrified he'll harm himself or worse kill himself....the kids would ne devastated more than they already are. I still care about him but I dont want to be with him anymore. I talk to him as normal even though it kills me inside, im living a facade.I still feel sorry for him some times, does that make me a bad person. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up or if I do this nightmare be over. My kids are the only reason I can keep on going, im so sad all of the time. I've cut myself off from nearly all my friends and I feel do much guilt about what hes done, how could I not know?! He's now been bailed until december 18th, im terrified about it going to court, being in paper and the effect it will habe on my kids and also how people will react to me. Im sorry for the long post I just needed to vent, I've held it in for that long I feel like im going to explode or have a breakdown.

Thank you all so much. It honestly helps me get through this nightmare reading all of your posts. I wrote that post at the weekend when I always struggle more. Im kept busy during the week taking the kids to school, work etc but it's the weekends when it really seems to get to me more. Just knowing im not alone in feeling like this is a small comfort, I wish I could make this all go away for myself and all of you. I feel like we're second hand victims in all of this. I haven't rang the lf helpline but I will definitely think about doing so, hass helped any of you? I do a have a small but great support symstem but still feel so lonely. Im having an ok day today but it comes in waves. It's just so scary thinking about what might happen in the future, media reporting etc but I have to take each day as it comes. You ladies are all so strong and amazing! I'm not sure about Sarahs law, is that just when someones been charged? As far as I know he hasn't been charged yet, he has to answer bail in 3 weeks and im not even sure if he'd tell me if and when he gets charged. Is there anyway of finding this out does anybody know? I feel like im being totally left in the dark and my social worker said to me unfortunately I may only find out when everybody else does?

Hi. Thank you, that's good to know. Will I find out when he's charged? Xx

Im sorry for all the questions. I think that until he was arrested a second time I've been denial. I still cant wrap my head around it xx