Talk therapy
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so I know it’s going to take weeks and weeks to get therapy from the nhs so I emailed some private councillors today. I know I can’t do this alone, it’s killing me. I am only three weeks in but already feel so lost.
I am also not sure how long people should have off work to get their head together. I got s call from my manager saying that they have checked with the local police and children services and they know I have no part to play in my husband behaviour. So I suppose I can go back to work as soon as I want.
so how Long did people take before the felt ready to return to work?
I Am going to give did people have counselling or manage with the use of the helpline and family and friends.
The offence has brought up complicated issues of me questioning my whole life and relationship choices. Up to 19th December the day before the knock I was looking forward to the first Christmas in our new house. Our tree was all decorated and we were circling the Christmas tv we wanted to watch in the radio times.
it feels emotionally I have been hit by a car. I didn’t see this happening. I have also looked at the grief cycle and so scared about falling into depression and hopelessness.
I am also not sure how long people should have off work to get their head together. I got s call from my manager saying that they have checked with the local police and children services and they know I have no part to play in my husband behaviour. So I suppose I can go back to work as soon as I want.
so how Long did people take before the felt ready to return to work?
I Am going to give did people have counselling or manage with the use of the helpline and family and friends.
The offence has brought up complicated issues of me questioning my whole life and relationship choices. Up to 19th December the day before the knock I was looking forward to the first Christmas in our new house. Our tree was all decorated and we were circling the Christmas tv we wanted to watch in the radio times.
it feels emotionally I have been hit by a car. I didn’t see this happening. I have also looked at the grief cycle and so scared about falling into depression and hopelessness.
Hi Bethlou, not sure about the work issue as I wasn't working at the time of my son's arrest but I had some crisis counselling with MIND to get me over the initial shock, but I was still terribly anxious and depressed about everything, crying all the time and drinking heavily so like you I searched for a private counsellor, I checked over her whole profile and credentials and she seemed just what I needed, so I emailed her, I haven't looked back, she was a psychotherapist/hypnotherapist and trained in other areas such as reiki, BWRT, EFT ect...which you may find useful, google BWRT that as it's quite a new therapy and so effective for trauma/anxiety issues and depression I had a mixture of these therapies over 9ish months and it helped me immensely with the trauma of it all, like you Beth I was so traumatised I couldn't get out of it by myself and needed help and so glad I did, please let us know how you get on and keep talking to us on here as I find this group invaluable, although I don't post much I do read all posts and post or reply if need be. All the best Beth xx
Hi Bethlou,
I really feel for you. I know exactly what that emotion is like - the one of utter hopelessness. You won't always feel like this, if it's any consolation. As Hazel says, therapy can be really helpful although it's crazily expensive if you can't get anything on the NHS (I had a similar experience to yours, being told the waiting list was 6 months). One therapy you might like to consider is EMDR because that specifically deals with trauma, which is something you have certainly experienced. It is supposed to have the same effects as CBT type therapies but it works more rapidly because it helps you process the bad things that have happened and then it 'rewires' your brain so you don't have such a desperate reaction every time you think about them.
In terms of work, I hope you are not having any pressure put upon you to return until you are ready. My boss was excellent about the whole business - I informed him right at the start about what had happened because I was working as a teacher, and he understood that I needed to take my time and stay away from school for my own well-being. Also, it's not good having a teacher breaking down in front of a class, which I was certainly in danger of doing for the first few months. In the end, I decided to return to work at the start of the following term, which turned out to be far too soon especially as it was way before my husband's case had gone to court. I found that I couldn't cope at all. I managed to battle on until half term in an attempt to have some normality in my life, and then suddenly realised that I couldn't do it any longer. So I made the decision to give in and get another sick note from my GP. Everyone completely understood. After my husband was sentenced, I wanted to go back to work straight away but my boss actually discouraged me from returning too soon which was very wise in retrospect. When the time came for me to try to go back, I was given a phased return which went very smoothly. I was expecting lots of people to be curious about me, but most treated me just the same as they had before. None of the pupils said anything, which really wasn't what I'd expected.
Your life has been completely turned upside down. I cannot imagine any decent employer not allowing you a substantial amount of time off work in the circumstances, and you must not feel guilty for taking it if you need to.
I hope this forum is making you feel a little bit better, and not so alone. I have come through what you are going through now, and I promise that you will too. Take care XX
I really feel for you. I know exactly what that emotion is like - the one of utter hopelessness. You won't always feel like this, if it's any consolation. As Hazel says, therapy can be really helpful although it's crazily expensive if you can't get anything on the NHS (I had a similar experience to yours, being told the waiting list was 6 months). One therapy you might like to consider is EMDR because that specifically deals with trauma, which is something you have certainly experienced. It is supposed to have the same effects as CBT type therapies but it works more rapidly because it helps you process the bad things that have happened and then it 'rewires' your brain so you don't have such a desperate reaction every time you think about them.
In terms of work, I hope you are not having any pressure put upon you to return until you are ready. My boss was excellent about the whole business - I informed him right at the start about what had happened because I was working as a teacher, and he understood that I needed to take my time and stay away from school for my own well-being. Also, it's not good having a teacher breaking down in front of a class, which I was certainly in danger of doing for the first few months. In the end, I decided to return to work at the start of the following term, which turned out to be far too soon especially as it was way before my husband's case had gone to court. I found that I couldn't cope at all. I managed to battle on until half term in an attempt to have some normality in my life, and then suddenly realised that I couldn't do it any longer. So I made the decision to give in and get another sick note from my GP. Everyone completely understood. After my husband was sentenced, I wanted to go back to work straight away but my boss actually discouraged me from returning too soon which was very wise in retrospect. When the time came for me to try to go back, I was given a phased return which went very smoothly. I was expecting lots of people to be curious about me, but most treated me just the same as they had before. None of the pupils said anything, which really wasn't what I'd expected.
Your life has been completely turned upside down. I cannot imagine any decent employer not allowing you a substantial amount of time off work in the circumstances, and you must not feel guilty for taking it if you need to.
I hope this forum is making you feel a little bit better, and not so alone. I have come through what you are going through now, and I promise that you will too. Take care XX
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Thanks everyone seems to suggest this is a good way forward so will go therapy shopping. It sounds rather odd but I know my mum doesn’t have the emotional resilience to hold me emotionally.
I feel I am trying so hard to contain my emotions. I expect it will start to fill out soon.
i have a return date at start of feb but may extend it, seeing how I feel.
people are right that going back may re build my confidence. I just need to get stronger.
thanjs for all the encouragement. Seems like everyone I. The group are very kind and supportive.
I feel I am trying so hard to contain my emotions. I expect it will start to fill out soon.
i have a return date at start of feb but may extend it, seeing how I feel.
people are right that going back may re build my confidence. I just need to get stronger.
thanjs for all the encouragement. Seems like everyone I. The group are very kind and supportive.
Hi Bethlou23
I don't think there is any right or wrong times for any of this, it's all very individual.
Personally I didn't have a day off, not even the day of the knock although I was working from home and was pretty useless I'm sure!!
Counseling has worked for me, I'm a huge believer in it but I don't feel I need that at the moment either so I have my last session next month. If I felt I needed it in the future though I wouldn't hesitate.
Just do what feels right for you on the day and even that can change from day to day!
Lots of love
Xx
I don't think there is any right or wrong times for any of this, it's all very individual.
Personally I didn't have a day off, not even the day of the knock although I was working from home and was pretty useless I'm sure!!
Counseling has worked for me, I'm a huge believer in it but I don't feel I need that at the moment either so I have my last session next month. If I felt I needed it in the future though I wouldn't hesitate.
Just do what feels right for you on the day and even that can change from day to day!
Lots of love
Xx
I had four weeks off work, my boss knows the situation and has been great. My colleagues all know i have something going on and have been good to leave me alone and not ask about it. Councelling is great like everyone else has said. I had 6 weeks through work. Im now having conitive behavioural therapy and plan to return to the councellor in a few months if i feel i need it. It just help put your feelings into perspective and a safe space to let it all out, talking about whatever you want.
I took a month off work then went back with the support of my manager. It was difficult and due ti stress i did go off sick with a long term condition twice which they over looked and i asked to have time off for the court case and sentencing. I didnt go but i knew i wouldnt be fit to work and they gave me that off. They also let me have my wedding anniversary off as we knew that would be a bad day and i wouldnt be able to focus.
I think you need to take things at your pace and be honest if something is aproaching that you think will effect you and see oif you can have that day off
I think you need to take things at your pace and be honest if something is aproaching that you think will effect you and see oif you can have that day off