Family and Friends Forum

It's been around a month since I left the forum. I still read posts and feel somewhat wanting to stay connected with others who are in the same boat, unfortunately.

I left my partner a month ago. I found out the truth of his crime. He told me numerous lies and manipulated me into staying with him threatening suicide, pulling at my heart strings protesting his innocence. Oh he was convincing. I believed him. Till I found out the truth. And I am sickened beyond belief.

I found out through claires law. That's all I'm prepared to say. But this has saved my life. I can't be anywhere near this man any longer. My mental health since the knock has took a major decline. I am speaking with a therapist once a week which is helping massively. Court isn't too far off now and the worry of the media is still lurking its ugly head. Therapy has taught me to write stuff down in a worry journal and it really helps to collect thoughts. My biggest feeling has been embarrassment of this all coming out. This is not MY fault. People who know me and love me will see that if or when it goes public. I still to this day haven't told anyone.

I have wrote a letter to my close friends to explain why I didn't tell them at the time and why my behaviour may have changed and the ordeal of the knock to now. Should this come out, I am prepared to read my story.

Since leaving I do feel like iv got my old self a little back on track again. I feel happier and not on pins as much. If someone knocks its because I'm expecting them. I feel like I can start thinking to the future like iv gotten a second chance and I am going to grab it with both hands



Yazznan

Hi Lee

Ah bless you. I thought the same of you when I saw you had come back too and I'm glad you have. Your knowledge is powerful! You helped me so much in the beginning and you help others too. Your simply amazing.

The day I got the report my knees buckled. It was worse than the knock itself. I don't know how I'm even standing but I'm here and putting steps in place for safety and future. He had someone who was willing to see him through this but continued to entangle me in his web of lies and secret life. And that I wish to have no part of.

It feels good to come on here tonight and be open about where I'm up to. I hope your as well as can be in your situation and it's lovely to speak with you x x x

Thank you blackhound

I wanted to share this to show those starting their journey my experience and thoughts to help others understand what they are feeling they are not alone. One doesn't have a clue at the beginning. The shock sends you in such a spin how do you even come to terms?

I have come out of this the other side. I guess from my own resilience. Iv had to. Iv got bills to pay. A family who rely on me.

If I could give anyone any advice starting this journey it would be

First and foremost, look after yourself. Eat the best you can and sleep. You can't function on empty. I dodged alcohol all together. I knew I would feel far worse. As hard as it was I had to feel what this was and ride it.

I read up on this forum every post. I asked questions when I was ready and posted my story. I called the helpline when I was at my lowest.

I self referred myself to a Councillor and started weekly sessions to get my thoughts and anxiety under control. This has been by far the best thing I could of done.

I ended the relationship and that in itself gave me balance. I knew where I was stood, where I am going in the future and what I don't want to be apart of. (no offence to those who stay, I would of myself had my partner of been honest).

Don't make rash decisions in the beginning. It may seem like it's the thing to do but the best advice was given to me by rainbow and that was to take it day by day. Just get through the day the best you possibly can.

Try to uplift yourself the most you can. Play music, watch rubbish TV, self care anything you find enjoyment in.

Remember



This is not your fault.

We are victims caught up in their crime

They have an addiction like any other its just not recognised in the same way in society unfortunately

Whatever you choose to do stay or leave is your choice

Question everything you deserve truth and honesty. You have to for your own sanity. And to be able to support the partner if your sticking by them. You know the signs in case of relapse.

Educate yourself as much as you can on the process, the life afterwards, implications of the crime ie life on the sor, what problems may arise from this.

Give yourself all the knowledge and tools that may help you make the best choice for you.



I hope some of this may help someone.

Hi jake

Thanks for your reply. Did you read my top post it's gone past that unfortunately. Believe me iv done more than I should of trying to help him.

Take care x