The great unknown
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How do I decide
Posted Sat November 28, 2020 10:02amReport post
Yesterday was door knock day. After 7am, still half asleep, disrupted from making lunches. What followed was up there as one of the worst 5.5 hours of my life.
the CID officers sat us down and explained my partner had been suspected of accessing images, over a specified period in the past.
we are a relatively new couple, but as he has been living with me - lock down speeeded up the process- they had a warrant to search my house, and examine all my electronic equipment, as well as searching his and his own home.
i dont even know how to explain what i was feeing- numb mostly, petrified about my job and the implications of this on me.
my partner was just quiet/ pale/ relatively relaxed.
luckily they were able to search all the equipment in situ, and they were all clean. SOCOs came and took photos, cyber tech officers crammed in, and every bit of my privacy was invaded. But im not even bothered about all that, about basically being under house arrest and feeling dirty somehow for being in any way associated with it... the main problem i have is they didnt find anything. And i realise that must be a horrible thing for those of u who have had to deal with them finding stuff, but what now? My life was turned upside down. And i dont know why. Nothing was found, but they made it very clear that they got a warrant because it was serious enough, with enough basis for a judge to sign it off. They basically said its not been that long a relationship, get him out (obviously not in so many words).
i have no idea on what the 'intelligence' was that led them to go to such exteme lengths- as i say it was a full on and very thorough process with lots of resources- surely it must've been something really bad.... but as my partner says how can he disprove it when he doesnt know what it was- one officer was calming and said at the beginning neither of us have done anything wrong at this point and if they find nothing on his stuff, thats the end of it. But the other officer made it seem that although they couldnt prove anything, he had still done something bad enough to warrant all this... they left me with the Still Reeling booklet so its like theres no doubt that he has committed the offence they just cant prove it, but theres no evidence and he totally denies having done anything or having any inclinations... i genuinely dont know what to do or not, without making a horrible mistake either way.
I should point out, although he havent been together for years and years, we have been very happy, in love, and talking about future plans like having kids prior to this.
Posted Sat November 28, 2020 10:02amReport post
Yesterday was door knock day. After 7am, still half asleep, disrupted from making lunches. What followed was up there as one of the worst 5.5 hours of my life.
the CID officers sat us down and explained my partner had been suspected of accessing images, over a specified period in the past.
we are a relatively new couple, but as he has been living with me - lock down speeeded up the process- they had a warrant to search my house, and examine all my electronic equipment, as well as searching his and his own home.
i dont even know how to explain what i was feeing- numb mostly, petrified about my job and the implications of this on me.
my partner was just quiet/ pale/ relatively relaxed.
luckily they were able to search all the equipment in situ, and they were all clean. SOCOs came and took photos, cyber tech officers crammed in, and every bit of my privacy was invaded. But im not even bothered about all that, about basically being under house arrest and feeling dirty somehow for being in any way associated with it... the main problem i have is they didnt find anything. And i realise that must be a horrible thing for those of u who have had to deal with them finding stuff, but what now? My life was turned upside down. And i dont know why. Nothing was found, but they made it very clear that they got a warrant because it was serious enough, with enough basis for a judge to sign it off. They basically said its not been that long a relationship, get him out (obviously not in so many words).
i have no idea on what the 'intelligence' was that led them to go to such exteme lengths- as i say it was a full on and very thorough process with lots of resources- surely it must've been something really bad.... but as my partner says how can he disprove it when he doesnt know what it was- one officer was calming and said at the beginning neither of us have done anything wrong at this point and if they find nothing on his stuff, thats the end of it. But the other officer made it seem that although they couldnt prove anything, he had still done something bad enough to warrant all this... they left me with the Still Reeling booklet so its like theres no doubt that he has committed the offence they just cant prove it, but theres no evidence and he totally denies having done anything or having any inclinations... i genuinely dont know what to do or not, without making a horrible mistake either way.
I should point out, although he havent been together for years and years, we have been very happy, in love, and talking about future plans like having kids prior to this.
Hi
I am sorry you find yourself using this forum after your horrendous experience of the police going through your home. I have been through similar although the police were not able to check our devices immediately and took them away. I too felt dirty, and still do to a certain extent even though the knock is close to 2 years ago. Each time I see a poice vehicle anywhere near my home I wonder if it is coming to my address. It is something that I will never forget and wouldn't wish on anybody.
But it is good that nothing was found. The police are not perfect and fingers crossed it was a dreadful mistake. Try and take one day at a time, if necessary one hour at a time. Initially, it all feels so raw.
I have my fingers crossed for you and your family. Breathe deeply and look after yourself.
Izzy
I am sorry you find yourself using this forum after your horrendous experience of the police going through your home. I have been through similar although the police were not able to check our devices immediately and took them away. I too felt dirty, and still do to a certain extent even though the knock is close to 2 years ago. Each time I see a poice vehicle anywhere near my home I wonder if it is coming to my address. It is something that I will never forget and wouldn't wish on anybody.
But it is good that nothing was found. The police are not perfect and fingers crossed it was a dreadful mistake. Try and take one day at a time, if necessary one hour at a time. Initially, it all feels so raw.
I have my fingers crossed for you and your family. Breathe deeply and look after yourself.
Izzy
Hi
So sorry you find yourself here. Its not going to be an easy ride but it will get easier. These first few weeks will be hard. Make sure you look after yourself, eat well, sleep and don't make any rash decisions.
From being 5 months nearly 6 into this since the knock I have learnt first and foremost your partner has to be completely honest about their addiction. There are questions he may not want to answer or be honest about. Addiction tends to be in secret especially the nature of it. Ultimately this is what it is. The police wouldn't just turn up or charge in some cases (I'm not saying your partner is) but there has to be reasonable evidence they would investigate in order to bring charges. They can find stuff out through their phone, IP address, if someone even sends an image and its opened for example that can be classed as sharing images. This crime is a mind field.
Read up on this forum as much as you can. I had no knowledge of this crime before the day of the knock. Unfortunately unless your partner is completely honest you won't find out anything until he is charged. The police are not allowed to tell you anything.
I am similar to you, it was a fairly new relationship everything was rosy looking to the future then he brought this onto us. Read my other post truth. As soon as I found out the truth I left. I knew my life would never be the same, I would be looking over my shoulder and loving with someone on the sex offenders register wouldn't be easy.
I hope I don't sound too negative. Talk to someone you trust. You need your own space to vent and speak out your thoughts.
We are all here to listen and vent and support.
Look after yourself xx
So sorry you find yourself here. Its not going to be an easy ride but it will get easier. These first few weeks will be hard. Make sure you look after yourself, eat well, sleep and don't make any rash decisions.
From being 5 months nearly 6 into this since the knock I have learnt first and foremost your partner has to be completely honest about their addiction. There are questions he may not want to answer or be honest about. Addiction tends to be in secret especially the nature of it. Ultimately this is what it is. The police wouldn't just turn up or charge in some cases (I'm not saying your partner is) but there has to be reasonable evidence they would investigate in order to bring charges. They can find stuff out through their phone, IP address, if someone even sends an image and its opened for example that can be classed as sharing images. This crime is a mind field.
Read up on this forum as much as you can. I had no knowledge of this crime before the day of the knock. Unfortunately unless your partner is completely honest you won't find out anything until he is charged. The police are not allowed to tell you anything.
I am similar to you, it was a fairly new relationship everything was rosy looking to the future then he brought this onto us. Read my other post truth. As soon as I found out the truth I left. I knew my life would never be the same, I would be looking over my shoulder and loving with someone on the sex offenders register wouldn't be easy.
I hope I don't sound too negative. Talk to someone you trust. You need your own space to vent and speak out your thoughts.
We are all here to listen and vent and support.
Look after yourself xx
Thank you Izzy. I so wish it was all a mistake, but the fact they carroed out such a large scale operation and got a warrant, well 2 warrants for both addresses, gives me the absolute fear as to what it was all based on. Thats the but thats driving me crazy and I dont know how or if i will ever get to know, the cid wouldn't tell me anything specific. Its so hard swinging between emotions xx
Thank you Yazz. It sounds like you have been through a terrible ordeal- thank you for being so strong and trying to hep me too.
Thats the hard thing, he is adamant he hasnt done anything but I cant get my head around the fact they had something to kick start this all....
He wants to put it all in the past, no charges, nothing found, just move on... but how do i move on when i dont know how it started xx
Thats the hard thing, he is adamant he hasnt done anything but I cant get my head around the fact they had something to kick start this all....
He wants to put it all in the past, no charges, nothing found, just move on... but how do i move on when i dont know how it started xx
First off I am so so sorry you've found yourself in this position through no fault of your own. Our knock was a year and 2 months ago.. we had gotten engaged a month prior. We are trying to work things through it's so so difficult we are awaiting his sentencing. Please know that I'm not excusing this crime but there can be so many reasons people get sucked into this crime! I hope with the help of this forum you can feel a little better and try and come to a decision
Thank you Christine. I wish you well, it must be so hard what your going through.
im really struggling with anxiety but have taken the right steps to try and help manage it.
im struggling to keep ploughing on with 'normality' when he's denying doing anything... i dont think il ever get answers and this will just keep slowly eating away at me until theres nothing left ????
xx
im really struggling with anxiety but have taken the right steps to try and help manage it.
im struggling to keep ploughing on with 'normality' when he's denying doing anything... i dont think il ever get answers and this will just keep slowly eating away at me until theres nothing left ????
xx