Family and Friends Forum

Oh sweetie, my husband was arrested in March this year. Its so hard and really is a mind xxxx. There are lots of mums on here, the club no one wants to join,. Have you contacted LFF they are brill and you will get nothing but support. Hugs

Hi boo

im sorry to hear you've had to come to the site nobody wants to come to. I am a mother just like you. My son didn't download images but he communicated with someone under age and got sent to prison. I know how you feel right now. Angry, ashamed, horrified, disgusted, sad etc. This will take time for you to process it in your mind. Try not to lose sight of your son is still your son. He has just made a bad choice. Once it sinks in you may want to sit down with your son and try and get to the bottom of why he's done what he's done. This could give you a better understanding of what led to him downloading the images. You are starting a long and hard road and it takes a long time to get to the end result unless you live in Scotland. Here in Scotland court dates are ranging from five to eight months which is quick when compared to down south.

I would phone the helpline on this site if I were you. They are very good and non judgmental. You ought to adbpvise your son to call them to because I'm led to believe they can help offenders as well as family. Try to take one day at a time and come on here for support or rant as much as you need to. There are a lot of good people on here who offer fantastic support to people who are going through what you are. Look around in the site for the phone number and then when your ready give them a call. It's all confidential as well. In the meantime, try to take care of yourself x

Heya boo...

Sorry you're here... It's not nice but you'll find nothing but support...

The LFF (Lucy Faithful Foundation) started this forum (I believe) but also are the leading charity for help and guidance in this type of situation. They hVe a help line you can call and they also seek to educate those who've committed a crime like this. To change their way of thinking and shed some light.

Please look after yourself as best you can during this dark period, you're always welcome here if you need to cry rant scream and rave.

Hi

it is all new to me too,my 38 year old son is under investigation for online sexual in a group chat with 11-13 year old girls he has denied this and at first I believed him but he has now left the area, I have felt so many emotions but have told him I don't want to see him, it has broke my heart but felt this is what I have to do, I went in the interview room with him the chat and images nearly broke me I couldn't stop crying

hi boo,

my 21 (he turned 21 in custody) year old brother was arrested for the same thing.

it took time for me to come to terms with what he had done as i was so disgusted. i was so ashamed that i would have preffered him to have committed murder!

what helped me, was reminding myself, and my mum that he is a good person who did a bad thing. seperating him from the crime made it easier to love him. he is guilty and he needs help and the journey isn't easy, but as time passes, your conflicting ideas of the love you have for him and the disgust of the crime clash a lot less and an acceptance comes with that too.

what is important is that he recieves support from the people he loves and so doesn't feel abandoned. he will be feeling ashamed and depressed and every other emotion you can imagine that comes with being "found out".

the shock subsides and it does become part of normality, as difficulat as that is to accept. if you have any contact with him just remind him how much he is loved.

my mum tried calling the helpline a few times and they were always busy so she gave up. she has spoken to a gp and 2 friends about what is happening, and feels a lot better having done so. if you have someone outside of the "nightmare" that you trust and think is supportive, i recommend confiding in them. it's done my mum a world of good. for me, this forum has helped loads, it's grounded me and made me feel like i am not the only person experiencing this.

the first few weeks are very hard, but, as with everything, it gets better with time. xxx

Hi Boo



Welcome (unfortunately). I'm a mum too. My son is 19. My son was abused from the age of 8 and then viewed images. I know just what you mean about feeling like a terrible mother. I think that award goes to me! It's so early in your journey and you are in shock and disbelief. Hopefully as time moves on you will be able to talk to him, if he'll talk to you.



keep trying the helpline. But post on here too. I use other forums as well as we fall into survivor and someone who viewed images too so it's all quite muddled in my head. I find writing stuff down on the forums really helps even if I don't get many replies. The people on here are amazing. I have never seen one word of judgement. It's a safe place to share exactly how you are feeling. It's good to get it off your chest.

My brother is being investigated for iioc, I just feel broken, my mum is not coping well with it it's like she's making excuses as in he must not of known and it's a mistake which makes it so much harder for me. I felt like it would of been easier to deal with if he has died (I feel so ashamed to admit that) I'm petrified of people finding out which again I feel so selfish for worrying about

Hi Carmela

sorrythat you have found yourself having to come here through no fault of your own but you will get nothing but support on this forum. My daughter is in a similar position to you as our son had an inappropriate chat with someone underage.

I agree about death. I can honestly tell you that I ended up having a full on nervous breakdown when my mother died but I never thought about ending my life. This situation very nearly ended my life on at least two occasions. I honestly feel a death in the family would have been easier. With death, there is a grieving process and down the line you have to try abandoning get on with it for your kids or grandkids who are still here. Death does not cause shame, isolation or stigmatisation by association. This crime stays with the offender and their family for the rest of their life whether they like it or not.

In the beginning, I made every excuse for my son under the sun. For a few months I thought it was a mistake bla bla bla. After a few months I came to terms with our son had chosen to have that conversation. If I'm honest, my son made me accept it because he was so honest about what he had done. My family (not many of us in total as small family) have fortunately stood by our son but he know they would not should he do this again. Give your mum time. I would hope in time she would accept what your brother has done and concentrate on getting him some help before he appears in court. One for his own good but two because I think judges favour people who have started to get help before they are sentenced. Sorry I can't be more positive but please keep coming on here for support x