2nd Christmas
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So this is my second Christmas in this limbo existence. Last Christmas, 4 months after the knock, alone for the first time in my life, I spent most of the Christmas season crying and mostly hiding away other than with close friends. I did no cards, no presents, no decorations. It was miserable. I thought, when I got through it, that I wouldn’t have to go through another Christmas in the same way, as the wait would be over and I would be moving forward, in whatever way that might be. But no. Here I am still waiting.
The hurt and pain is back, almost full strength as I’ve had my first card from old distant friends, addressed to us both and asking if everything is ok, they missed us on social media, and saying they intended to come and see us, meet somewhere outside, in the next few weeks.
I told all close friends, family and neighbours last year, but couldn’t face telling the extended friends group, it was too painful, particularly as the only ‘known’ is the vigilante sting, which they may or may not be aware of. I was rather hoping that this Christmas I could resume my cards with a brief note, and (hopefully) a positive police outcome. So I had to pick up the phone, and tell the story, again. It’s not an option just to say ‘we’ve separated’ as the vigilante video is out there, and lots of people know. I don’t want to be seen as a liar. I pride myself on my honesty. I thought I was strong enough, but I broke as soon as I heard my friends voice. She was very lovely and very upset that I hadn’t told her sooner....16 months is a long time, but time becomes a strange thing in our position. She wants to support me abs says that husband must have had a breakdown....
I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just want to share my feelings, in case others are struggling too. And also to show that friends can be upset that you haven’t reached out to them! She understood though how painful it was for me to have to share this terrible unexpected news.
I am so mad at my husband, I asked him to contact people. But he won’t. Ongoing police investigation, and poor mental health. Meaning it’s all on me again. Did he ever care?
Sorry it’s such a sad post, but I just needed to get it out. Thinking of you all.
xx
The hurt and pain is back, almost full strength as I’ve had my first card from old distant friends, addressed to us both and asking if everything is ok, they missed us on social media, and saying they intended to come and see us, meet somewhere outside, in the next few weeks.
I told all close friends, family and neighbours last year, but couldn’t face telling the extended friends group, it was too painful, particularly as the only ‘known’ is the vigilante sting, which they may or may not be aware of. I was rather hoping that this Christmas I could resume my cards with a brief note, and (hopefully) a positive police outcome. So I had to pick up the phone, and tell the story, again. It’s not an option just to say ‘we’ve separated’ as the vigilante video is out there, and lots of people know. I don’t want to be seen as a liar. I pride myself on my honesty. I thought I was strong enough, but I broke as soon as I heard my friends voice. She was very lovely and very upset that I hadn’t told her sooner....16 months is a long time, but time becomes a strange thing in our position. She wants to support me abs says that husband must have had a breakdown....
I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just want to share my feelings, in case others are struggling too. And also to show that friends can be upset that you haven’t reached out to them! She understood though how painful it was for me to have to share this terrible unexpected news.
I am so mad at my husband, I asked him to contact people. But he won’t. Ongoing police investigation, and poor mental health. Meaning it’s all on me again. Did he ever care?
Sorry it’s such a sad post, but I just needed to get it out. Thinking of you all.
xx
Hi tabs
What an honest post. Thank you for sharing thay side of things. I have struggled to tell anyone the nature of this and it never occurred to me they may react in this way. Iv just dreaded the worst that they will fall out with me and not want anything to do with me all together. I plan to maybe tell some people after Christmas. In the new year. I really hope I get the same reaction. Sending love xxx
What an honest post. Thank you for sharing thay side of things. I have struggled to tell anyone the nature of this and it never occurred to me they may react in this way. Iv just dreaded the worst that they will fall out with me and not want anything to do with me all together. I plan to maybe tell some people after Christmas. In the new year. I really hope I get the same reaction. Sending love xxx
Through all that you have endured and I don't know your story I think it's amazing you have such a great family and friends. It seems like others will take strength from that that they may get the same reaction.
We all have our own journeys through this and have to come to terms with what is reality in the end. Wishing you well.
We all have our own journeys through this and have to come to terms with what is reality in the end. Wishing you well.
Thank you Yaznann and Rebecca1234 for your replies.
I can honestly say that the majority of my friends and family have been hugely supportive. I don't think I could have survived without them. The ones that haven't been are, strangely, his family....which demonstrates how dysfunctional they are. And also some of the men, whilst not unfriendly, have distanced themselves from me, and certainly don't want to discuss it! Interestingly I know they are the men that are very into casual relationships, and conquests, and I often wonder if they worry that they may have seen illicit material, chatted on line etc! It's more common than we know! In fact one younger person I was talking to said I was too old to understand, that on line chat and sex was normal now....how terrifying, when there are so many 'pushers' of bad material, and no accountability by the social media tech to stop illegal material and criminal behaviour. I am, at this point, very happy that I haven't any children or grandchildren to worry about, but I do worry for my godchildren and friends families...xx
I can honestly say that the majority of my friends and family have been hugely supportive. I don't think I could have survived without them. The ones that haven't been are, strangely, his family....which demonstrates how dysfunctional they are. And also some of the men, whilst not unfriendly, have distanced themselves from me, and certainly don't want to discuss it! Interestingly I know they are the men that are very into casual relationships, and conquests, and I often wonder if they worry that they may have seen illicit material, chatted on line etc! It's more common than we know! In fact one younger person I was talking to said I was too old to understand, that on line chat and sex was normal now....how terrifying, when there are so many 'pushers' of bad material, and no accountability by the social media tech to stop illegal material and criminal behaviour. I am, at this point, very happy that I haven't any children or grandchildren to worry about, but I do worry for my godchildren and friends families...xx