Family and Friends Forum

I got an update from the police a couple of days ago told me phones have now been passed to forensics and in our force it's the picking them up that takes time. He expects to have had them looked at in the next couple of weeks. He said he isn't going to tell me whether they'll prosecute or on what grounds as they need to look at case laws, mentioned incitement but also said it's dependent on what's on the phones. He did say he's confident he's had these conversations and been having them a long time. He said that I should know he wants to prosecute. I now know he had both cashapp and kik on his phone. He denied knowing what these were to me initially. So part of me is glad the case isn't stagnant. The other terrified or what will come out.

I dreamt about him last night, I do most nights but this night was different instead of the usual memories ofloveliness or him denying everything and telling me he loved me he started that way then told me ( in my dream) that he'd always been into children and had done things to two of our girls. Ive felt sick all day even though I know it's not real. But then I know this might become reality. I've spent the day on the sofa feeling like something but not really able to say how I feel. I don't remember how to be myself anymore. I just feel so consumed. I should be angry, full of rage not looking at photos filled with sadness that he's not here or who I thought he was. It's like he's died. I sometimes feel like I sense him in a room or go to say something to him.
I'm fighting hard against wanting to go see him.Not that I even know why, I know I wouldn't get truth from him anyway. There's nothing can make this go away. This man has broke my heart and ruined everything I've ever known and believed. I feel like I've been robbed of the life I thought I had but also of any sort of future. Some days it's just too much. I literally can't bare it anymore.