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Another SS post - sorry

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Lottie

Member since
November 2018

17 posts

Posted Thu January 10, 2019 11:18pmReport post

In December we met our second sw after only meeting the first one in Nov. The first one said she didn't have to interview my husband but the second one interviewed him and said it should have been done earlier. The second one went over the same stuff as the first and then met my daughters who are 5 and 7. The second sw told me that once my husband had started a sex offenders course then at 6 weekly meetings they will decide if he can see our daughters. Then on Xmas eve I had a text from the 2nd sw saying it was her last day at work and that we would be allocated a new sw in the new year. So far we have heard nothing and when I phone they are unhelpful. My daughters haven't seen their day in 2 years now and they are desperate to see him. My eldest is struggling to sleep because she says she is worried about her daddy and why he hasn't come home. Hubby is at his moms and I see him when I'm not with the children or at work. We have to work out travel routes so he doesn't bump into is and I'm just feeling like there's no hope. My hubby has to go out whenever people visit my mil because she attends a big church and he doesn't want anyone to tell the girls they've seen when they haven't. I know ss won't give a toss about the trouble it's causing but I just want them to do something. The second sw said they need to do good touch bad touch work with the girls which is find but I've already done it. I've done three safeguarding courses and they still think I'm symptom my hubby because I'm supporting him. I'm capsid being a good mother and wife. It's like bashing my head against a wall as they also don't understand how I didn't know was going on. If I knew do they really think I'd say carry on???

Also hubby is still waiting for a date to start his course which will last 8 months and he's frustrated that he could've done the same course in prison. He asked and asked to be sent to another prison to do the course but they said he wasn't eligible.

So I'm just fed up and feel like we are limbo. After his course SS said they will decide if hubby can come home. But I just want to know when he can have access even if it's at a contact centre. I don't think it's too much to ask for my daughters.

Maria

Member since
September 2018

94 posts

Posted Fri January 11, 2019 7:24amReport post

Lottie, i dont know if you are able to but have you sort legal advice. Some solicitors will give free initial advice, might be worth finding out if that would make a difference. I think social services are too busy and have too many cases, im back at square one now as our social worker has left. Ive rung and had no response. Im quite happy for them to be in our life but id like consistancy, for them so do something to help or advise. They have a very tough job but i think there needs to be trust and they need to get to know the families they are dealing with which just cant happen if you get a new social worker every month. I understand your frustration. Have you put in writing to them what contact you would like, how you would keep the kids safe during that and who you would like to supervise it. I can understand the supervision, location etc being very strict but no contact is hard. Was there any suggestion he sexually abused the kids (sorry to ask that), i could see why they may say no if that was the case. Have you documented all the work you have done with the kids, what books you have read, print outs of nspcc pant stuff and any safe touch work you have done. I guess all you can do is keep calling them, and ask for more advise from stop it now, citizens advice or a solicitor.

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

86 posts

Posted Fri January 11, 2019 11:36amReport post

Lottie,

i don’t have any advice. But sending you my love it must be frustrating telling the situation over and over to different social workers. And that must feel really intrusive.

Hope it works out. I do feel children do need the chance to see and know their fathers as long as they are not at risk. But like you said you would be there.

aghh I really feel for you xxx big loves what a mess our partners and ex partners have got themselves and their close ones into xxx

Lottie

Member since
November 2018

17 posts

Posted Fri January 11, 2019 10:43pmReport post

There's no concerns that he abused our children. The photos he had and chats were only with teenagers. The first sw said SS couldn't understand why I wanted to stay with a man who was sexually attracted to children. I knew if I said I didn't think he was that they would think I didn't understand what he'd done. So I said I had hope he had changed. I have never thought he was attracted to children as he started with adult porn and adult chat for a while but said he felt numb and still felt numb looking at images of teenagers. I think this all came about because of his depression and low self esteem. I've read a lot about Internet offending and the assumption seems to be that it's a spiral that starts off innocent but then develops into something they can't control. It becomes an addiction. Maybe I'm completely wrong in my thoughts but only time will tell. I remember the detective who arrested him saying as she dropped him off at his moms that this would be a small part of his life where he made a stupid decision that went too far and I thought well she must be a good judge of offenders as she deals with sex offenders daily.

Anyway, I think social workers see things as black and white whereas as I see grey too. The police and probation have no problem with him seeing the children so that's why I don't hnowhy ss are being that way. I realise they have a job to do but why is their view so different to the other organisations involved?

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

48 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 8:30amReport post

Lottie reading your post made me quite angry but it’s not untypical of Social Services. Your SW is supposed to have risk assessed based on evidence and not made statements based on their own personal feelings. However I’ll get to the point. Most social workers have very little training, if any, in this type of work. It’s a particular skill and they sadly lack the knowledge but are in terribly powerful positions.

Ask to see the local safeguarding procedures on internet offending, they will have them or you may be able to get them on the internet. Then ask if they have a children’s rights officer, your children should have a voice in all of this, it’s important to them to see their Dad. If they are not allowed it should be explained to them carefully why. This is simply not good enough. Finally ask for the complaints procedure, you may have to formally follow this procedure. It may come to using a solicitor, the first half hour is free.

Put anything in writing from the position of the children’s rights, not your own wishes and desires. If it’s assessed that it’s not safe for contact there should be clear, evidenced based reasons for it, not this limbo situation you’re all in now. I hope this appalling situation is cleared up for the children’s sake.

Lottie

Member since
November 2018

17 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:18pmReport post

Thanks Jaded for your advice. I thought about approaching a solicitor for advice. I wish Lucy Faithfull had a legal team who can support families when they're having problems.

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