Sons investigation
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Hi
I am broken my son is under investigation for online sexual chat and images with under age girls, he has been interviewed and they have taken his phone, he has said he hasn't done it, but has now left the area, he has got another phone and has messaged me to say where he is, I have told him I don't want anything to do with him.i have put him before my 3 other children so many times I feel a roller coaster of emotions but now feel I have reached the right decision
I am broken my son is under investigation for online sexual chat and images with under age girls, he has been interviewed and they have taken his phone, he has said he hasn't done it, but has now left the area, he has got another phone and has messaged me to say where he is, I have told him I don't want anything to do with him.i have put him before my 3 other children so many times I feel a roller coaster of emotions but now feel I have reached the right decision
Hello Julie
I am glad that you have reached out on the forum for support during this difficult time. I am really sorry to hear that your son is being investigated for engaging in sexual chat with underage girls and I can understand that this must be a really difficult time for you and your family. I am sorry that you have not yet received a reply for your post, but hopefully you will do soon. In the meantime, it might be helpful for you to call our anonymous and confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 to speak with one of our trained operators, so we can give you some support and guidance during this difficult time and it will allow you to talk to someone independent of your situation about how you are feeling.
Take care,
Lucy
I am glad that you have reached out on the forum for support during this difficult time. I am really sorry to hear that your son is being investigated for engaging in sexual chat with underage girls and I can understand that this must be a really difficult time for you and your family. I am sorry that you have not yet received a reply for your post, but hopefully you will do soon. In the meantime, it might be helpful for you to call our anonymous and confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 to speak with one of our trained operators, so we can give you some support and guidance during this difficult time and it will allow you to talk to someone independent of your situation about how you are feeling.
Take care,
Lucy
Hi Julie.
Sorry I didn't see your post before. I am a regular here but sometimes posts can get 'lost' if the forum is busy. Please feel free to comment 'bump' if you notice your posts have not been answered for this reason.
There are parents here in the same or similar situation to you. The helpline is a valuable resource and it might be busy to get through but I suggest to keep trying until you get through. The forum has been great for me also to see I'm not alone and get a better understanding.
It is early days but you are likely wanting to know what to expect? Just to make you aware these types of cases vary in timescales but please feel free to pop by here to get support, to rant or ask questions.
Big hugs
Sorry I didn't see your post before. I am a regular here but sometimes posts can get 'lost' if the forum is busy. Please feel free to comment 'bump' if you notice your posts have not been answered for this reason.
There are parents here in the same or similar situation to you. The helpline is a valuable resource and it might be busy to get through but I suggest to keep trying until you get through. The forum has been great for me also to see I'm not alone and get a better understanding.
It is early days but you are likely wanting to know what to expect? Just to make you aware these types of cases vary in timescales but please feel free to pop by here to get support, to rant or ask questions.
Big hugs
Thankyou it means a lot I've not seen my son since 4th December, I don't know where he is he went to Cornwall then told a friend he had gone to Brighton, I don't want to see him but would like to know he's safe
Thankyou it means a lot I've not seen my son since 4th December, I don't know where he is he went to Cornwall then told a friend he had gone to Brighton, I don't want to see him but would like to know he's safe
Hi Julie
I also did not see your post until now. I'm sorry to hear about your son and know how you feel as my son communicated with a girl who was fourteen and a half years old. At the start I was devastated and looked at my son in a very different light. In time I had to accept that I did not know my son as much as I thought I did. I wanted to find out what led to my son doing what he did and that's the reason I stood by him as did our family. It's a very long story but my son started an online relationship with the girl. Her parents knew about it and had sat in on video calls with my son while their daughter and my son were chatting. He had been invited to their house many times but he never did go. Nor did he ever ask the girl to meet him.
fast forward to my son and the girl having a falling out. Her parents called the police and my son was arrested. Seven months after that my son was sent to prison. He's due home soon thank god.
I stood by my son because he told us the truth. I know this because I spoke with his solicitor and I artented his court hearing. He did not minimise what he had done or deny what he had done was wrong. He took full responsibility for it as he was the adult and now he's serving his punishment. I don't think I would have stood by him had he not taken responsibility for his actions or told me a pack of lies. Also, my son us aware that it's unlikely our family would stand by him again should he do anything like this again.
I cannot imagine what you are going through having to cut ties with your child. I was faced with this early on before I had spoken with his solicitor and I had no clue what I'd do if I'd had to walk away from him.
you, as a mother, can only do what you think or know is for the best for not only you but your other children. I know it must be so, so hard to not have contact but hopefully he will get in touch even if it's just to let you know how he is and when his court case will be. Perhaps you could have some form of phone contact with him away from your other children or even written contact if you feel you need to know he's ok.
There is also the possibility that you will want contact of some sort down the line. Everything is still so raw for you at the moment. Believe me, you won't be thinking straight. All you can see at the moment is that your son has done something vile and you can't excuse it. Who knows how you will feel in time. It's possible in time you might start to ask yourself why he has done what he's done. That's certainly what happened to me. That said, I also know that it's possible you will never accept what he's done and feel you cannot face seeing or having any communication with him in the future.
Ine thing I will say. It's not your fault that he's done this. Your son is an adult just like mine. They both made their own choices which you or I cannot be held responsible for. Please remember that the case usually is that men who do this are usually good men who have made a bad choice. Please also remember that behind each man who does this there is usually a trigger or trauma behind the reason dpd or them doing it.n
i feel for you from the bottom of my heart because as a mother it's hard for you to win. If you stand by him and gave him back it's such a long hard journey with plenty problems and issues. On the other hand, if you cut all ties your then left as a mother worried to death about where and how he is, it's one of the worst positions to find yourself in with no easy answer.
how old is your son and your other children? How do your other children feel about what he's done? Do they miss him not being around? There's so much to be considered and taken into account.
I can't really give you to much advice from experience as our situations are different with your son denying all knowledge. I can tell you though to try and call the helpline. I didn't because I didn't know they existed back when my son was arrested but I'm told they're very supportive and can help a lot. Please keep coming on here anytime you feel you need support and keep us updated if you feel up to it x
I also did not see your post until now. I'm sorry to hear about your son and know how you feel as my son communicated with a girl who was fourteen and a half years old. At the start I was devastated and looked at my son in a very different light. In time I had to accept that I did not know my son as much as I thought I did. I wanted to find out what led to my son doing what he did and that's the reason I stood by him as did our family. It's a very long story but my son started an online relationship with the girl. Her parents knew about it and had sat in on video calls with my son while their daughter and my son were chatting. He had been invited to their house many times but he never did go. Nor did he ever ask the girl to meet him.
fast forward to my son and the girl having a falling out. Her parents called the police and my son was arrested. Seven months after that my son was sent to prison. He's due home soon thank god.
I stood by my son because he told us the truth. I know this because I spoke with his solicitor and I artented his court hearing. He did not minimise what he had done or deny what he had done was wrong. He took full responsibility for it as he was the adult and now he's serving his punishment. I don't think I would have stood by him had he not taken responsibility for his actions or told me a pack of lies. Also, my son us aware that it's unlikely our family would stand by him again should he do anything like this again.
I cannot imagine what you are going through having to cut ties with your child. I was faced with this early on before I had spoken with his solicitor and I had no clue what I'd do if I'd had to walk away from him.
you, as a mother, can only do what you think or know is for the best for not only you but your other children. I know it must be so, so hard to not have contact but hopefully he will get in touch even if it's just to let you know how he is and when his court case will be. Perhaps you could have some form of phone contact with him away from your other children or even written contact if you feel you need to know he's ok.
There is also the possibility that you will want contact of some sort down the line. Everything is still so raw for you at the moment. Believe me, you won't be thinking straight. All you can see at the moment is that your son has done something vile and you can't excuse it. Who knows how you will feel in time. It's possible in time you might start to ask yourself why he has done what he's done. That's certainly what happened to me. That said, I also know that it's possible you will never accept what he's done and feel you cannot face seeing or having any communication with him in the future.
Ine thing I will say. It's not your fault that he's done this. Your son is an adult just like mine. They both made their own choices which you or I cannot be held responsible for. Please remember that the case usually is that men who do this are usually good men who have made a bad choice. Please also remember that behind each man who does this there is usually a trigger or trauma behind the reason dpd or them doing it.n
i feel for you from the bottom of my heart because as a mother it's hard for you to win. If you stand by him and gave him back it's such a long hard journey with plenty problems and issues. On the other hand, if you cut all ties your then left as a mother worried to death about where and how he is, it's one of the worst positions to find yourself in with no easy answer.
how old is your son and your other children? How do your other children feel about what he's done? Do they miss him not being around? There's so much to be considered and taken into account.
I can't really give you to much advice from experience as our situations are different with your son denying all knowledge. I can tell you though to try and call the helpline. I didn't because I didn't know they existed back when my son was arrested but I'm told they're very supportive and can help a lot. Please keep coming on here anytime you feel you need support and keep us updated if you feel up to it x