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Jayne

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 8:59amReport post

You couldn't make it up!!

If it what has happened to me was on the likes of

EastEnders, they would say what a load of rubbish that doesn't happen. To cut a long story short. 3 yrs ago my ex-husband was sentenced for images & talking to a lady who offered her child.

Almost 3 yrs to the day my now ex-partner has been arrested for talking to an underage person. Both chats were undercover operations.

As you can imagine my head is in a right mess. This kind of help wasn't around the first time.

Not sure what I'm trying to find here some splice perhaps!!

Andrea

Member since
September 2018

70 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 9:35amReport post

Welcome to the club Jayne. Yep - I think most of us feel that you couldn’t make it up and we are all struggling to make sense of what has happened. Hope that you manage to find some support on this forum and some peace in your life. X

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

66 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:53amReport post

So sorry to hear that Jayne, obviously your ex hadn't got the help he needed to prevent it happening again!

Unfortunately this is the club no one wants to be in but goodness what wonderful sort we get from it

Thinking of you and much love xx

Jayne

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 2:05pmReport post

Tracey

These are 2 separate men. I'm angry at the 2nd cos he knew about my ex-husband , I met him just before the court hearing & felt I had to tell him as I was going to be a witness against the ex-husband if he pleaded not guilty , which was right up to day in court.

I have every emotion going through me atm.

Andrea

Member since
September 2018

70 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 2:47pmReport post

Aw Jayne - I misread your original post and that you were talking about one incident not two let alone two men letting you down like this. I am heartbroken for you and can’t begin to imagine what you must be feeling. All I can do is end you a big hug and lots of love. Do you have anyone there to support you? Xxx

Jayne

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 4:10pmReport post

Hi Andrea

Thank you. I do thankfully, I have 2 really good friends who saw me through it the first time.

I did scare them big time though this time as I couldn't get my head round it. I'm now seeing a psychologist & been in touch with a group in my area that specialises in sexual abuse. I'm now on waiting list for councilling.

But this is good as there is others in your position & know how your feeling.

Some posts I've seen have been helpful.

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

66 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 9:14pmReport post

Jayne i'm so sorry, it's awful once but twice,how do you come to terms with that!

Did you end up giving evidence in court? I'm giving evidence against my husband if he continues down the not guilty route and I'm dreading it?

Keep coming on here, the support is fabulous xx

Jayne

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:22pmReport post

Tracey,- No I didn't give evidence as he pleaded guilty at magistrate court & then went straight to crown court for sentencing.



ATM I haven't come to terms with it. The 2nd time was only 4 weeks ago when I had "the knock" . They took him away , left me alone, no support. I phoned a friend who took me in & I left him a note saying I want you & all your stuff gone when I get back in a few days.



Stupidly 2 weeks later. I took an overdose as I saw myself as " the common denominator" Luckily me friend found me 2 days later on new years day. I know now I am not & I'm angry with myself for letting them drag me down into thinking that. I take a day at a time sometimes it's hour by hour. I've got the police to stop him contacting me as it was really upsetting me what he was messaging.

Reading through some posts has helped to know I'm not alone.

Jayne

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:28pmReport post

Also Tracey, he was in denial right up til court & still is today.

I had help with a group which prepared me for court & councelled me upto it. Different police forces act differently. I'm in a different area to the first incident & have had no support as I'm not involved. Not even any advice where to get help. He was giving the Lucy Faithful website, which he told me about & then I googled it.

When I'm feeling stronger I will write to the police force to look into this to help other family's need help too.

Onwards&upwards

Member since
October 2018

152 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:30pmReport post

Hi Jayne

I think it just shows that you are a kind person who sees the good in people so you attract the men who feel like they need to be around women who are better than them....be better by osmosis but it is not as easy as that.

Great to hear you have a Psychologist supporting you now & that you are waiting for counselling. I was told by the very 1st lady I reached out to after The Knock, who was a Transactional Analysis Therapist, that I could meet another man just like my ex if I didn't address certain issues from my past so advised I stayed single. I understood her rationale she presented however that left me feeling hopeless so I stopped seeing her & addressed the same issues much much slower (at a pace I could handle) with a Person Centered Counsellor...I believe I have processed everything she identified in the end. Admittedly I haven't had a proper relationship in 5 years but I have much more self-love so a win I think!!

What a tough time you had to experience....you have survived though. High five & big hug. Onwards & Upwards xx

Onwards&upwards

Member since
October 2018

152 posts

Posted Sat January 12, 2019 10:36pmReport post

Oh Jayne, I was typing as you were posting about your overdose....the fact that you were found on New Years Day & are already talking about wanting to approach the Police to help other people who have the Knock....respect xx

2019 is going to the year you turn rock bottom into the solid foundation to build life forward...you go girl xx

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

66 posts

Posted Sun January 13, 2019 10:44amReport post

Oh Jayne, what a terrible time you've had.

Please try and stay strong, reach out to us on here, it really does help

Lots of love xx

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