I'm struggling
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It's been a while since I have updated.
To catch everyone up, my husband is being investigated for Cat B and Cat C images. He would use them to talk to men as he was in deep confusion about his sexuality. Those were the ages the men liked so. He admitted it straight away and was very remorseful. I think this has affected him a lot more than I realised. It shocked me a lot less because he hurt me in the past before. My therapist told me that she thinks I'm protecting myself by feeling less horrified.
He is on the urgent mental health care team and has to phone every day. When he was in the police station he was suicidal and months before he would very badly self harm. He was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, bipolar tendancies, High autism amongst the rest.
So myself and my husband were having arguements every few days and it was affecting my mental health, so I decided to walk out for a few weeks. Our arguements were mainly centred around his drinking. But also I'm not perfect and I'm not straight out with things, I chop and change what I say which frustrates him. He thinks I hate him because I berate him, but I think he's too sensitive, like anything I say even if he says it is pushed back at me.
He is a high functioning alcoholic. And he started re hiding alcohol recently, even though we've talked many about how it makes me feel. Again my therapist said that the drinking is not personal, it is about him and his coping mechanism even know he knows it affects me.
He got very drunk the first two nights and threatened suicide. Last night he didn't have that much, but had to have some due to withdrawal psychosis (advised by the mental health team). He didn't believe me yesterday, he asked if I was going away for a few weeks really and I said yes, I needed to protect myself from more hurt. He said the f word and said he'd never felt so alone.
He then said to me this morning he didn't believe the age old saying ' you don't know what you've got until it's gone' until today.
My problem is that I'm so everything right now. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt and I'm missing him. I don't know whether to go back permanently because I don't want to be let down again and hurt again. But then I think if I loved him I'd go back straight away surely?
I'm so confused and looking for a I guess your experiences... Maybe some reassurance?
To catch everyone up, my husband is being investigated for Cat B and Cat C images. He would use them to talk to men as he was in deep confusion about his sexuality. Those were the ages the men liked so. He admitted it straight away and was very remorseful. I think this has affected him a lot more than I realised. It shocked me a lot less because he hurt me in the past before. My therapist told me that she thinks I'm protecting myself by feeling less horrified.
He is on the urgent mental health care team and has to phone every day. When he was in the police station he was suicidal and months before he would very badly self harm. He was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, bipolar tendancies, High autism amongst the rest.
So myself and my husband were having arguements every few days and it was affecting my mental health, so I decided to walk out for a few weeks. Our arguements were mainly centred around his drinking. But also I'm not perfect and I'm not straight out with things, I chop and change what I say which frustrates him. He thinks I hate him because I berate him, but I think he's too sensitive, like anything I say even if he says it is pushed back at me.
He is a high functioning alcoholic. And he started re hiding alcohol recently, even though we've talked many about how it makes me feel. Again my therapist said that the drinking is not personal, it is about him and his coping mechanism even know he knows it affects me.
He got very drunk the first two nights and threatened suicide. Last night he didn't have that much, but had to have some due to withdrawal psychosis (advised by the mental health team). He didn't believe me yesterday, he asked if I was going away for a few weeks really and I said yes, I needed to protect myself from more hurt. He said the f word and said he'd never felt so alone.
He then said to me this morning he didn't believe the age old saying ' you don't know what you've got until it's gone' until today.
My problem is that I'm so everything right now. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt and I'm missing him. I don't know whether to go back permanently because I don't want to be let down again and hurt again. But then I think if I loved him I'd go back straight away surely?
I'm so confused and looking for a I guess your experiences... Maybe some reassurance?
Hi Blackhound. I am so sorry that you are going through so much. I have not lived with my husband since the day of the knock, the decision was pretty much taken out our hands due to the live Facebook sting. He fled in fear as he not only had strangers after him, but his own family were very unpleasant. I think for us partners it is hard to separate out our feelings, and for me I couldn't suddenly switch off my love for him. It all happens so suddenly, and it's such a massive trauma, and we try to deal with everything all at once and we do whatever we can to make ourselves feel safe.
One thing I do feel is that my husbands problems are just that, his problems. His to deal with and to work through. I need to concentrate on myself and what I need.
It is very unlikely that we will reunite, but I want to honour my vows by supporting him. I want us both to be happy in the future, but I don't want to live a lie, or our old life, that for me is scarred.
Your husbands addictions are his to battle. His fight, not yours. You are the most important person and you need to be well, physically and mentally. You must do whatever you feel is right. No one can tell you. You matter more than anyone.
Thinking of you, I hope it all becomes clear and you find peace. xx
One thing I do feel is that my husbands problems are just that, his problems. His to deal with and to work through. I need to concentrate on myself and what I need.
It is very unlikely that we will reunite, but I want to honour my vows by supporting him. I want us both to be happy in the future, but I don't want to live a lie, or our old life, that for me is scarred.
Your husbands addictions are his to battle. His fight, not yours. You are the most important person and you need to be well, physically and mentally. You must do whatever you feel is right. No one can tell you. You matter more than anyone.
Thinking of you, I hope it all becomes clear and you find peace. xx
Thank you tabs, I appreciate your words. It's true I'm important too, I need to remember to do things for me. I'm in therapy as mentioned which is something I'm really happy about because even though I talk alot about him, it helps me a lot with my emotions and feelings.
Its so difficult to live with him in this state and you're right, you cannot just flick a switch and your feelings are off. I need to remember that xx
Its so difficult to live with him in this state and you're right, you cannot just flick a switch and your feelings are off. I need to remember that xx
Hi blackhound. My partner did the same using pics and footage of teens to get the attention of men. He is a bisexual man but wasn't open about it. He also had self confidence issues so wouldn't show himself to men.
Following the knock my partner got help with his behaviour and came out as bi to close friends and this has helped. Him feeling more comfortable in his sexuality has helped with his more positive outlook and was also key to his rehabilitation. Has your husband been given help to address his sexuality? It might be worth looking into. I'm happy to answer questions about bisexuality and other non-staright sexualities.
Following the knock my partner got help with his behaviour and came out as bi to close friends and this has helped. Him feeling more comfortable in his sexuality has helped with his more positive outlook and was also key to his rehabilitation. Has your husband been given help to address his sexuality? It might be worth looking into. I'm happy to answer questions about bisexuality and other non-staright sexualities.
Heya Majestic,
I think our stories are very similar. But my husband always knew he was bisexual... He was very open about it...He was confused about whether he was gay or not. The times he did it, it wasn't a great time for our relationship... So that added to things..
He has a Stopso therapist every other week addressing various issues including his sexuality... He said he only wants me now, but tbh I don't mind that hisexual, I never have. I personally feel uncomfortable with labels. I just think it you like someone then you like someone...
But of course it's never easy... I've struggled before so I can empathise with the struggle atleast...
I think our stories are very similar. But my husband always knew he was bisexual... He was very open about it...He was confused about whether he was gay or not. The times he did it, it wasn't a great time for our relationship... So that added to things..
He has a Stopso therapist every other week addressing various issues including his sexuality... He said he only wants me now, but tbh I don't mind that hisexual, I never have. I personally feel uncomfortable with labels. I just think it you like someone then you like someone...
But of course it's never easy... I've struggled before so I can empathise with the struggle atleast...