Help.....! What do I do?
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Hello,
A couple of weeks ago I had the dreaded knock at the door by 5 police officers. They had a warrant to search my property and took all devices. They returned my childrens the following day but have kept my husbands stuff. They went through my phone but never took it, they gave it back immidiately.
My husband was not home when they came round and they sat me down and explained that he has been accused of Posession and distribution of a iioc. They called my husband at work and asked him to go directly to the police station - which he did.
So as far as I know he has received a iioc on snapchat and then forwarded it on. There is only 1 picture but all devices are with forensics which apparently will take about 6 months to come back. My husband told me that he does not ever remember seeing it or forwarding it but also stated he was too drunk and so he cant categorically say he hasnt done something that could land him in trouble.
Obviously I am hoping this is all one big mistake and that it is one picture in and one out and they find something that proves he didnt know or realise what it was. (i'm clutching at straws I know...)
My husband is not living with us because until I know what has happened I dont want him back, and he only sees the kids when I am there which is whats been agreed with SS even though SS said he was free to come home. I told them I wasnt happy with him being home before knowing what he has or hasnt done. Its not that I dont trust him, but if he cant tell me he hasnt done it then I have to pressume the worst. My husband understands this and is cooperating.
Idont know what to do. I am so scared that he has done something and people will find out and I'll lose everything, therefore I have decided that I should sell the house now and move out on my own. Get a legal document drawn up with my husband which will state his financail support and essentially leave him now so I am prepared for the worst. He doesnt want this but I dont feel like I have a choice. I am so scred that my children and I will suffer at the hands of other and I dont want to be scared in my own home. If I leave him now and move then I wont be a target for something I have had no part in.
I know you should not run away because you're scared but I cant help it. I cant afford to stay here without him and I feel I have to protect my kids and get out.
No stories on here come out as one pic in and one pic out. Im so worried something bad will happen and it will be too late for me to safely sell and move.
I hope all this is making sense and you can all give me some advice.
Thank you
Colourful x
A couple of weeks ago I had the dreaded knock at the door by 5 police officers. They had a warrant to search my property and took all devices. They returned my childrens the following day but have kept my husbands stuff. They went through my phone but never took it, they gave it back immidiately.
My husband was not home when they came round and they sat me down and explained that he has been accused of Posession and distribution of a iioc. They called my husband at work and asked him to go directly to the police station - which he did.
So as far as I know he has received a iioc on snapchat and then forwarded it on. There is only 1 picture but all devices are with forensics which apparently will take about 6 months to come back. My husband told me that he does not ever remember seeing it or forwarding it but also stated he was too drunk and so he cant categorically say he hasnt done something that could land him in trouble.
Obviously I am hoping this is all one big mistake and that it is one picture in and one out and they find something that proves he didnt know or realise what it was. (i'm clutching at straws I know...)
My husband is not living with us because until I know what has happened I dont want him back, and he only sees the kids when I am there which is whats been agreed with SS even though SS said he was free to come home. I told them I wasnt happy with him being home before knowing what he has or hasnt done. Its not that I dont trust him, but if he cant tell me he hasnt done it then I have to pressume the worst. My husband understands this and is cooperating.
Idont know what to do. I am so scared that he has done something and people will find out and I'll lose everything, therefore I have decided that I should sell the house now and move out on my own. Get a legal document drawn up with my husband which will state his financail support and essentially leave him now so I am prepared for the worst. He doesnt want this but I dont feel like I have a choice. I am so scred that my children and I will suffer at the hands of other and I dont want to be scared in my own home. If I leave him now and move then I wont be a target for something I have had no part in.
I know you should not run away because you're scared but I cant help it. I cant afford to stay here without him and I feel I have to protect my kids and get out.
No stories on here come out as one pic in and one pic out. Im so worried something bad will happen and it will be too late for me to safely sell and move.
I hope all this is making sense and you can all give me some advice.
Thank you
Colourful x
Hi Colourful, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. The best advice I was given in the early days was not to make any quick decisions. You have suffered a great shock, and are responding to that. You need to recover and address the trauma first. Look after you and make sure that the decisions are right for you. You will probably experience all types of emotions. I still do, many months down the line. I still want to escape it all and leave my home at times. It is grieving, except there is no death of a person, and the rituals that surround it. I am grieving the sudden loss of my old life and the plans we had for the future, which are now ruined.
There is lots of useful advice on the forum. And the helpline is great in that you can safely talk things through with someone that understands, or just off load and cry....keep on coming here. The people on this forum are amazing and so supportive.
take care xx
There is lots of useful advice on the forum. And the helpline is great in that you can safely talk things through with someone that understands, or just off load and cry....keep on coming here. The people on this forum are amazing and so supportive.
take care xx
Hi colourful
my husband was sent a puesdo image when he downloaded kik messenger last year..he deleted it immediately but left the application open which resulted in him being sent thousands of iioc..our world has been turned upside down for a moment of stupidity..
12 months down the line he's now received a letter informing him he's been charged and has to appear in court in February.devastated is an understatement.we've had a single family assessment done, which has been concluded, he's allowed contact with our daughter but only in the community until SW can see that I am able to protect and safeguard our daughter should he be allowed home..Dewling with social services is the worst part I feel..I understand totally the seriousness of what has happened and I fully understand that I need to protect my daughter but I genuinely believe in my heart that my husband didn't go looking for any iioc that he just downloaded kik to see what it was all about..how I wish he'd never gone near it and he wishes the same because now look at the hurt and upset it has caused..
ive created a family safety plan which I've given to the social worker and I hope and pray that she believes in me enough and can trust me enough to keep to what's in the plan..I don't want to turn my back on my husband because I truly believe he's not "that" person that police have said he is..I don't feel threatened by him and neither does our daughter, she misses her dad desperately and just wants him home especially as it's Xmas next week.
we all have different ideas and thoughts about our situations, everyone is different.the thought of his family being taken away from him is devastating to him..he's on anti-depressants and his mental health is up and down even more so now he's been charged.
I know that the life we had before all this has gone that it's dead and I've come to realise that if he's allowed home, then our new life will be very different..I feel that we can look to a new life and live a new life as long as when it goes to court, that it doesn't end up in the paper because if it does, then it's likely to finish us because we'd have to move away and our daughter would have to go to a new High school where no one knows her.
I truly hope you find the answers and that this will be over soon for you
xx
my husband was sent a puesdo image when he downloaded kik messenger last year..he deleted it immediately but left the application open which resulted in him being sent thousands of iioc..our world has been turned upside down for a moment of stupidity..
12 months down the line he's now received a letter informing him he's been charged and has to appear in court in February.devastated is an understatement.we've had a single family assessment done, which has been concluded, he's allowed contact with our daughter but only in the community until SW can see that I am able to protect and safeguard our daughter should he be allowed home..Dewling with social services is the worst part I feel..I understand totally the seriousness of what has happened and I fully understand that I need to protect my daughter but I genuinely believe in my heart that my husband didn't go looking for any iioc that he just downloaded kik to see what it was all about..how I wish he'd never gone near it and he wishes the same because now look at the hurt and upset it has caused..
ive created a family safety plan which I've given to the social worker and I hope and pray that she believes in me enough and can trust me enough to keep to what's in the plan..I don't want to turn my back on my husband because I truly believe he's not "that" person that police have said he is..I don't feel threatened by him and neither does our daughter, she misses her dad desperately and just wants him home especially as it's Xmas next week.
we all have different ideas and thoughts about our situations, everyone is different.the thought of his family being taken away from him is devastating to him..he's on anti-depressants and his mental health is up and down even more so now he's been charged.
I know that the life we had before all this has gone that it's dead and I've come to realise that if he's allowed home, then our new life will be very different..I feel that we can look to a new life and live a new life as long as when it goes to court, that it doesn't end up in the paper because if it does, then it's likely to finish us because we'd have to move away and our daughter would have to go to a new High school where no one knows her.
I truly hope you find the answers and that this will be over soon for you
xx
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Thank you for your messgage of support @tabs ... it really is so hard to know what to do for the best.
All I want to do is protect my children. I worry that I can't afford to live here without him and I don't want to find myself stuck here in danger if this comes back badly.
I don't think for a second he has gone out looking for iioc, but you hear so many horror stories of a guy not looking but being sent it without knowing and the court just punishing them even though they're essentially innocent.
I just feel like the whole life I knew has been stolen and I'm completely alone.
xx
All I want to do is protect my children. I worry that I can't afford to live here without him and I don't want to find myself stuck here in danger if this comes back badly.
I don't think for a second he has gone out looking for iioc, but you hear so many horror stories of a guy not looking but being sent it without knowing and the court just punishing them even though they're essentially innocent.
I just feel like the whole life I knew has been stolen and I'm completely alone.
xx
Hey @Annie1969 I'm so sorry to hear what is happening your end. It really is the hardest thing in the world to cope with.
Even worse as its the family who end up suffering because of it, whether the man is guilty or not.
Im pretified of it getting to the papers.
I just dont know what to do. I HATE the position we are in.
xx
Even worse as its the family who end up suffering because of it, whether the man is guilty or not.
Im pretified of it getting to the papers.
I just dont know what to do. I HATE the position we are in.
xx
Hello colourful
im in the same situation 5th November was the knock and well thanks to Ring doorbell I found out or would of walked home from work none the wiser,
today I'm worried because I've had a nasty neighbor confronting me about it, all I've said was no and I wasn't talking about it to her, I feel sick with worry again just as I managed to get back on track
husband says he clicked on link and never did anything like you I'm trying to believe but then I have my sister and best friend putting doubts in my mind.
would love any advice as well
thank you
im in the same situation 5th November was the knock and well thanks to Ring doorbell I found out or would of walked home from work none the wiser,
today I'm worried because I've had a nasty neighbor confronting me about it, all I've said was no and I wasn't talking about it to her, I feel sick with worry again just as I managed to get back on track
husband says he clicked on link and never did anything like you I'm trying to believe but then I have my sister and best friend putting doubts in my mind.
would love any advice as well
thank you
@annie1969
ypu situation sounds very similar to mine, how do family start taking you seriously about wanting to work things out with your husband, I believe in my heart these things are untrue and he saying he only clicked one link in a group chat on time and ping up images which he shut off, he never looked again or went there, this was May 2019 but we only had a knock 5th November so I don't know, I've found police not helping at all I ring to try get answers but they don't answer me, it's horrible feeling like you've been forgotten and they have come in broken your world without any care and compassion and then left you there to die basically. Or is that just my feels on it.
ypu situation sounds very similar to mine, how do family start taking you seriously about wanting to work things out with your husband, I believe in my heart these things are untrue and he saying he only clicked one link in a group chat on time and ping up images which he shut off, he never looked again or went there, this was May 2019 but we only had a knock 5th November so I don't know, I've found police not helping at all I ring to try get answers but they don't answer me, it's horrible feeling like you've been forgotten and they have come in broken your world without any care and compassion and then left you there to die basically. Or is that just my feels on it.
Hi cookie
no I've often felt that we've been forgotten especially by social services and their lack of communication in our situation..progress in getting things done from their perspective has been slower than a snail..
in the last month our social worker has been on annual leave and more recently has had more time off..are they ever actually at work?
the frustration of feeling that your left hanging, not being communicated with has been a nightmare for me..I've had days where I could have literally ripped my own eyeballs out..
they have excuses after excuses as to why they've not been in touch..I've come to realise that they are the ones in control and they have all the power and things will get done when they want them to get done..
we had a good day yesterday after having a shitty day the day before when husband received a letter informing him he had a court date for February next year (which really isn't that long away)
yesterday was better when social worker finally decided to reply to the messages I'd sent her informing us that as long as other family members were present, husband could spend Xmas with us..
family members have to be present until she's completed outstanding work with me which I might add she's been supposedly doing for the past month..
she needs to see clear evidence that I understand about child abuse so that if they close the case they can do so confidently.
my fear is it getting in the paper and that we'd have to move away..I'm hoping that if I write to the judge or even get the solicitor to pass the letter on, that they'll keep it out of the paper and not release names or addresses for the sake of our daughter..having to move away a from where we are would be devastating for her as she's only just started high school
xx
no I've often felt that we've been forgotten especially by social services and their lack of communication in our situation..progress in getting things done from their perspective has been slower than a snail..
in the last month our social worker has been on annual leave and more recently has had more time off..are they ever actually at work?
the frustration of feeling that your left hanging, not being communicated with has been a nightmare for me..I've had days where I could have literally ripped my own eyeballs out..
they have excuses after excuses as to why they've not been in touch..I've come to realise that they are the ones in control and they have all the power and things will get done when they want them to get done..
we had a good day yesterday after having a shitty day the day before when husband received a letter informing him he had a court date for February next year (which really isn't that long away)
yesterday was better when social worker finally decided to reply to the messages I'd sent her informing us that as long as other family members were present, husband could spend Xmas with us..
family members have to be present until she's completed outstanding work with me which I might add she's been supposedly doing for the past month..
she needs to see clear evidence that I understand about child abuse so that if they close the case they can do so confidently.
my fear is it getting in the paper and that we'd have to move away..I'm hoping that if I write to the judge or even get the solicitor to pass the letter on, that they'll keep it out of the paper and not release names or addresses for the sake of our daughter..having to move away a from where we are would be devastating for her as she's only just started high school
xx
Oh lovely you sound so similar to me I'm trying to call the help line for support but can't take my call
mice had my next door quiz me this morning as when they took things away ppl saw, I don't like me neighbors but she's saying ppl are talking I have a 10 year old so I've said no to her accusations now I worry if we get to court it will come out and I'll have more hassle to deal with. Police told me I don't have to teal anyone as it's just investigation at moment, how long do these things take ??? I called police last week as my own mental health is suffering and nothing they won't tell me anything, I'm trying to heal when I can't, I feel there is no support at all for us.
mice had my next door quiz me this morning as when they took things away ppl saw, I don't like me neighbors but she's saying ppl are talking I have a 10 year old so I've said no to her accusations now I worry if we get to court it will come out and I'll have more hassle to deal with. Police told me I don't have to teal anyone as it's just investigation at moment, how long do these things take ??? I called police last week as my own mental health is suffering and nothing they won't tell me anything, I'm trying to heal when I can't, I feel there is no support at all for us.
Hi everyone
I feel the same that police will not tell me a thing but when they first came out the charge was grooming this was the 28th October 2020,, and that he had been talking about my daughter online but now the charge he is facing has been down graded to independent messages thro a police decoy,, I just feel that social worker is not telling me anything and when I question her the answer she gives is she does not know anything no information what so every which I find really hard to understand,,, then I questioned my husband he say he did not mention our daughter her name,, he made it all up and I have asked he to do a disclosure to the solicitor so I can find everything out,, he said yes he would but why have the police not told me anything if its so bad I just don't understand,, I feel half of this was to see how I would react and if it was the right reaction,, just feel really lost that they can blow it up then forget u at a drop of a hat to pick the pieces up,,
Thank u again xxx
I feel the same that police will not tell me a thing but when they first came out the charge was grooming this was the 28th October 2020,, and that he had been talking about my daughter online but now the charge he is facing has been down graded to independent messages thro a police decoy,, I just feel that social worker is not telling me anything and when I question her the answer she gives is she does not know anything no information what so every which I find really hard to understand,,, then I questioned my husband he say he did not mention our daughter her name,, he made it all up and I have asked he to do a disclosure to the solicitor so I can find everything out,, he said yes he would but why have the police not told me anything if its so bad I just don't understand,, I feel half of this was to see how I would react and if it was the right reaction,, just feel really lost that they can blow it up then forget u at a drop of a hat to pick the pieces up,,
Thank u again xxx
Hi Ladies,
I think it disgusting how the families through no fault of their own can end up victims because the press can put it in the papers. So unfair to endager innocent family members for something their other halfs may or may not have done.
It is hit and miss if it goes to the papers apparently. Depends if there are reporters at the courts on the day.
I just pray this comes back as one big mistake and is only one picture and proved to be innocently recieved and not asked for.
In the meantime I'm putting my kids first and selling up and getting in so I can prepare for worst case.
What is disgusting is that I have to do this before I even know if he is guilty or not because I'm scared of backlash on my children. The world is mad!
Hate being me at the moment. Feel dirty.
I think it disgusting how the families through no fault of their own can end up victims because the press can put it in the papers. So unfair to endager innocent family members for something their other halfs may or may not have done.
It is hit and miss if it goes to the papers apparently. Depends if there are reporters at the courts on the day.
I just pray this comes back as one big mistake and is only one picture and proved to be innocently recieved and not asked for.
In the meantime I'm putting my kids first and selling up and getting in so I can prepare for worst case.
What is disgusting is that I have to do this before I even know if he is guilty or not because I'm scared of backlash on my children. The world is mad!
Hate being me at the moment. Feel dirty.