Family and Friends Forum

Hi Christine

Iv followed your story for a while and it seems like staying together is no longer an option for you. I was dreading the conversation ending things as my ex used manipulation ie iv got nothing to live for without you so I stayed longer than I should or wanted but a blazing row helped me to end it.

I again like you didn't feel comfortable with him no longer ie holding my hand, touching me, and the closer to the court case I felt like everyone was staring even though no one knows.

It's been 5 weeks since I ended things and I can honestly say I feel the best iv felt in ages. Even friends have commented that I look like iv got my sparkle back. I am free of his burden which isn't mine or ours to carry. Iv had his moods to contend with, the worry and anxst and my life stopped. I was a shell of my former self. I don't want kids with a man who lies, who runs away from problems, who is deceitful and manipulative, who becomes aggressive and emotionallu abusive. Staying with him was harder than letting him go. I honestly haven't looked back. Blocked his number the lot. Clean break.lifes for living love. Be happy xxx

Not everything you loose in life is a loss.

You are so young you will come through this much stronger than you will ever imagine. I have. I feel the same, disappointment, shame, sad, I miss his family too but at the same time I don't miss the grief he put us in.

You have to weigh up are you happy at the min, is this what you want in your life? Or do you maybe just maybe want the chance to heal for a while and who knows what's round the corner, you could meet someone next year who like you wants kids and that could happen!!!

Don't feel this is all life has to offer you.there is more to come! You just have to be open to it xxx

Hi Christine

I have been in a relationship where I was unhappy (he wasn't an offender). I didn't really see it at the time but he was emotionally manipulatative and put me down alot. Made me feel I would not find anyone else and that I couldn't be by myself.

Once I broke away I could reflect on the key issues we faced and even tho I was single I was learning to be happy with myself.

Your mental well-being is key. I can't remember how far into this journey you are but it can take years from knock to sentencing. And once sentenced (if it gets that far) the police will be involved and you will have a lack of privacy (police can see the messages I send to my partner). The fact you are uncomfortable around your partner in public must be horrible and playing on your mind. You need help to manage the strain, especially if you decide to stay.

It is daunting to take the leap to break up but no one is worth staying with if being with them makes you miserable.

Trust is built over time. These types of offences are relatively rare really against the whole population. I believe there is always someone out there for people. By staying with your partner you are not giving yourself tthe chance to find someone who builds you up and supports you and can trust.

However if you do stay you have the power to set this relationship straight. He did wrong and should work hard to form a relationship where you both can be happy. It is about compromise and communication.

Big hugs

Any decision to stay or leave is hard, you'll never know for sure whether you are making the right decision and you are bound to have doubts.

if you really want to stay together then consider relationship counselling. You may want to consider using StopCo as they have experience in this area as well as relationship counselling.

Imagine if, instead of yourself in this situation, it was your best friend, what would you stay to them?

You need a break sweetie, go away for a few days, away from every thing. Xxhigs