Family and Friends Forum

Hi Christine

Iv followed your story for a while and it seems like staying together is no longer an option for you. I was dreading the conversation ending things as my ex used manipulation ie iv got nothing to live for without you so I stayed longer than I should or wanted but a blazing row helped me to end it.

I again like you didn't feel comfortable with him no longer ie holding my hand, touching me, and the closer to the court case I felt like everyone was staring even though no one knows.

It's been 5 weeks since I ended things and I can honestly say I feel the best iv felt in ages. Even friends have commented that I look like iv got my sparkle back. I am free of his burden which isn't mine or ours to carry. Iv had his moods to contend with, the worry and anxst and my life stopped. I was a shell of my former self. I don't want kids with a man who lies, who runs away from problems, who is deceitful and manipulative, who becomes aggressive and emotionallu abusive. Staying with him was harder than letting him go. I honestly haven't looked back. Blocked his number the lot. Clean break.lifes for living love. Be happy xxx

Not everything you loose in life is a loss.

You are so young you will come through this much stronger than you will ever imagine. I have. I feel the same, disappointment, shame, sad, I miss his family too but at the same time I don't miss the grief he put us in.

You have to weigh up are you happy at the min, is this what you want in your life? Or do you maybe just maybe want the chance to heal for a while and who knows what's round the corner, you could meet someone next year who like you wants kids and that could happen!!!

Don't feel this is all life has to offer you.there is more to come! You just have to be open to it xxx

Hi Christine

I have been in a relationship where I was unhappy (he wasn't an offender). I didn't really see it at the time but he was emotionally manipulatative and put me down alot. Made me feel I would not find anyone else and that I couldn't be by myself.

Once I broke away I could reflect on the key issues we faced and even tho I was single I was learning to be happy with myself.

Your mental well-being is key. I can't remember how far into this journey you are but it can take years from knock to sentencing. And once sentenced (if it gets that far) the police will be involved and you will have a lack of privacy (police can see the messages I send to my partner). The fact you are uncomfortable around your partner in public must be horrible and playing on your mind. You need help to manage the strain, especially if you decide to stay.

It is daunting to take the leap to break up but no one is worth staying with if being with them makes you miserable.

Trust is built over time. These types of offences are relatively rare really against the whole population. I believe there is always someone out there for people. By staying with your partner you are not giving yourself tthe chance to find someone who builds you up and supports you and can trust.

However if you do stay you have the power to set this relationship straight. He did wrong and should work hard to form a relationship where you both can be happy. It is about compromise and communication.

Big hugs

Heya Christine123..

Most people need to reach bottom to change and some just don't.

I left the house around a week ago and my husband has basically fallen to peices. Funnily enough it wasn't the charge that's changed his resolve. I did see a little change but we were together for the past two months since and the arguments piled up to the point where I was miserable. There were more horrible than happy moments. It was a sense of people and time to think about all the things he's done to hurt me and himself that has made his resolve change. The charge hasn't been the only thing and I bet you that your partners charge was the only thing either, just from what I gather on the type of person he is (from what you've said on your posts).

I feel the same as you sometimes... I honestly feel very annoyed, very hurt, very conflicted, irritated by the situation and by him. As I have read you are too.

This is because there's no closure and he hasn't changed or offered change to you Christine, he staying the same person but now he's a person with a potential impressing conviction on his record.

A few weeks ago my husband said he wanted to know now whether I was staying or going, he wanted things on his terms. A few days ago, when he was alone, he said he would wait no matter how long it took.

He doesn't know but I have to go back Sunday. I don't wanna pressure my dad anymore because of his fairly newish relationship of just over a year with his girlfriend who will be coming over for Christmas Friday for two weeks. I give them space on the weekends too.

I'm not saying to you you should stay or go, or even that it's easy but unless your firm in your resolve things will always stay the same for you and him.

Any decision to stay or leave is hard, you'll never know for sure whether you are making the right decision and you are bound to have doubts.

if you really want to stay together then consider relationship counselling. You may want to consider using StopCo as they have experience in this area as well as relationship counselling.

Imagine if, instead of yourself in this situation, it was your best friend, what would you stay to them?

Sorry to hear that Christine. But I learned something recently that's helping me process things... Don't worry about the things you cannot control. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with you to that's his decision... You cannot control that. Of course it's going to hurt but in time it'll fade.

You need a break sweetie, go away for a few days, away from every thing. Xxhigs