What would life be like?
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Please can someone who has come out the other side of this with children please tell me what life is like for them post conviction such as life with register and SHPO and the restrictions that will have on us as a family?
my mind is constantly in overdrive as although I may supporting him what is life really going to be like for me and the kids if convicted
my mind is constantly in overdrive as although I may supporting him what is life really going to be like for me and the kids if convicted
Hello,
I'd firstly advise you not to make any decisions in the early days..... take one day at a time. I thought I would divorce my husband.. but we are now making plans for him to move back home. I'd also say it would depend very much on the outcome of the court case. My husband got a suspended sentence but he viewed a very small number of images just once (he did not go looking for them) and never looked again. He was assessed as being very low risk of offending again or a contact offence (the lowest risk he could be) His SHPO is all based around computer use.
After the court case we underwent another SS assessment (as his contact with our children was still based on his bail conditions). Once he has moved back home he will be allowed unsupervised contact - much as it was before and SS will step back. Life will no doubt continue to be a challenge at times but are moving towards some normality which I never thought would happen. My experience with SS at the beginning was awful...but we had a different SW for our second assessment and she has been amazing and really supportive. My husbands probabtion officer is also really good. You need to do what is right for you and your family. It's hell at the beginning but very gradually things do start to improve a little. Take care xx
I'd firstly advise you not to make any decisions in the early days..... take one day at a time. I thought I would divorce my husband.. but we are now making plans for him to move back home. I'd also say it would depend very much on the outcome of the court case. My husband got a suspended sentence but he viewed a very small number of images just once (he did not go looking for them) and never looked again. He was assessed as being very low risk of offending again or a contact offence (the lowest risk he could be) His SHPO is all based around computer use.
After the court case we underwent another SS assessment (as his contact with our children was still based on his bail conditions). Once he has moved back home he will be allowed unsupervised contact - much as it was before and SS will step back. Life will no doubt continue to be a challenge at times but are moving towards some normality which I never thought would happen. My experience with SS at the beginning was awful...but we had a different SW for our second assessment and she has been amazing and really supportive. My husbands probabtion officer is also really good. You need to do what is right for you and your family. It's hell at the beginning but very gradually things do start to improve a little. Take care xx
Thank you Bellebee for your reply, I am many months in and he is awaiting court next year, for one attempted conversation with a decoy he says he thought it was a catfish anyways here we are..
I'm trying to give him hope about life after all of this has passed and to be honest give myself hope as I feel I'm on a hamster wheel and I can't see life getting better I'm exhausted I have 2 little ones who I do everything as he can't this isn't how I thought life my life would be.
I'm trying to give him hope about life after all of this has passed and to be honest give myself hope as I feel I'm on a hamster wheel and I can't see life getting better I'm exhausted I have 2 little ones who I do everything as he can't this isn't how I thought life my life would be.
Apologies summer - I thought things were relatively new for you. Its a long and draining process - and even more exhausting when you have kids who need you be be fully functioning! I really struggled with not being able to share childcare with him - not having any time to myself or even being able to pop out for a few minutes. The summer was the longest 6 weeks! Once the court case is over you will move into a different phase and you can think about how life might look in the future. Until then you are in a hideous limbo. Xxx
I am 18 months into this mess, wondering about places that we can still take the children like theme parks etc is there anywhere if he is convicted. It's good you say he can have unsupervised contact, does that mean you can leave him with them? Overnight? Or are there still restrictions? it's hard work isn't it, there is so much begrudgement which gets me annoyed.
Hi Summer
The forums on unlock are a good place to get an idea of what life would be like.
When in comes to the SOR, he would have to notify the police if he was to spend 7 nights or more at a different address, or if he was to leave the country. So when it comes to holidays, provided you stay in this country and you don't stay in the same place for 7 nights you can do exactly what you want, unless there are other SHPO restrictions.
Some countries, especially those with visa requirements won't allow you to enter, but currently the EU is fine.
Some family oriented resorts, like Centre Parks, and some of the caravan parks have exclusions in their terms and conditions for offenders of this nature. So always check the small print first. But normal hotels and B&Bs are fine.
It's actually the SHPO that would make more of a difference, as they can add any restrictions to that. But, the restrictions must be relevant to the offence, so you are unlikely to see geographical restrictions like distance form a school for someone who viewed iioc. If the offence was communication then there may be restrictions with regards to communicating or being in the company of someone under 16. SHPOs can be challenged in court and you can have them modified.
If you have children then obviously SS are going to be involved and will add whatever restrictions they want on top. Even if there weren't any restrictions, you would have to consider how other parents might feel if they were to find out down the line that they had been letting their child come play at your house. People have made it work however.
hope that answers some of your questions
The forums on unlock are a good place to get an idea of what life would be like.
When in comes to the SOR, he would have to notify the police if he was to spend 7 nights or more at a different address, or if he was to leave the country. So when it comes to holidays, provided you stay in this country and you don't stay in the same place for 7 nights you can do exactly what you want, unless there are other SHPO restrictions.
Some countries, especially those with visa requirements won't allow you to enter, but currently the EU is fine.
Some family oriented resorts, like Centre Parks, and some of the caravan parks have exclusions in their terms and conditions for offenders of this nature. So always check the small print first. But normal hotels and B&Bs are fine.
It's actually the SHPO that would make more of a difference, as they can add any restrictions to that. But, the restrictions must be relevant to the offence, so you are unlikely to see geographical restrictions like distance form a school for someone who viewed iioc. If the offence was communication then there may be restrictions with regards to communicating or being in the company of someone under 16. SHPOs can be challenged in court and you can have them modified.
If you have children then obviously SS are going to be involved and will add whatever restrictions they want on top. Even if there weren't any restrictions, you would have to consider how other parents might feel if they were to find out down the line that they had been letting their child come play at your house. People have made it work however.
hope that answers some of your questions
We don't have children and my partner is currently not allowed any contact with his kids (his ex doesn't want there to be any relationship but we are fighting this)
It is true some parks have restrictions but I believe theme parks that I'm aware of. I did check Disney for example and could not find anything. The SHPO will explain the restrictions. I believe for my partner he has to tell the police where he is staying over even if it is for one night if it isn't an address he registers. This is so that if they go looking for him they are not on a wild goose chase.
He can't be unsupervised with kids and cannot stay over houses where there are kids. The police got funny with us when we were meant to stay over a friend of his who has a daughter but doesn't live with him. They still were not impressed so put us off that idea.
Unlock does have good tips. Travel abroad might be hard and not sure how brexit will impact this. E.g. Do not use the automated gates, always go to kiosk to avoid possible embarrassment of being flagged
It is true some parks have restrictions but I believe theme parks that I'm aware of. I did check Disney for example and could not find anything. The SHPO will explain the restrictions. I believe for my partner he has to tell the police where he is staying over even if it is for one night if it isn't an address he registers. This is so that if they go looking for him they are not on a wild goose chase.
He can't be unsupervised with kids and cannot stay over houses where there are kids. The police got funny with us when we were meant to stay over a friend of his who has a daughter but doesn't live with him. They still were not impressed so put us off that idea.
Unlock does have good tips. Travel abroad might be hard and not sure how brexit will impact this. E.g. Do not use the automated gates, always go to kiosk to avoid possible embarrassment of being flagged
Thank you mj73 and majestic for your reply's,
Yes things like sleepovers for my kids kids partys etc are a no go - what a cr*p life for them it's things like this I'm not sure I want to stay but how can I throw it away just for things like this.
It's going to be hard for him to get a job so I would need to work more and would need him doing school runs etc but can't see him being allowed near a school if convicted.
trying to convince him that things will be ok whatever but struggling at times to know even if it's the best thing for us all. How do we keep people positive who are being accused of one worst labelled crimes
what a mess!
Yes things like sleepovers for my kids kids partys etc are a no go - what a cr*p life for them it's things like this I'm not sure I want to stay but how can I throw it away just for things like this.
It's going to be hard for him to get a job so I would need to work more and would need him doing school runs etc but can't see him being allowed near a school if convicted.
trying to convince him that things will be ok whatever but struggling at times to know even if it's the best thing for us all. How do we keep people positive who are being accused of one worst labelled crimes
what a mess!
Look back over the forum for posts from SallyBlue. She stayed with her partner and managed to make it work with children, she's 5 years down the line now. Hopefully her posts can give you some hope.