Family and Friends Forum

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Sun January 13, 2019 7:16pmReport post

I am feeling lost and I’m in limbo. I have gone from a loving relationship to one where I am trying to strike out on my own.



Think its it’s going to take some getting use to.



also for my partner. Previously he was pushing me away from conversations but now I am getting texts saying he is struggling. I obviously want to support him. But really don’t want to give him the impression that I see a future for us.

this is hard.

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun January 13, 2019 9:46pmReport post

Oh Bethlou23, it's so so hard and there is no easy fix. Your emotions will be all over the place for weeks, months maybe years which is hard to come to terms with.

I'm having a rubbish day today, I'm coming down with a cold so think that's why but you know sometimes a good cry does you good.

You are being unbelievably brave managing all of this and a small child too.

Tomorrow is another day, you might feel better, the same or worse but you will get through this.

As for your partner, by all means support him but not at your detriment, you need to come first.

Much love xx

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon January 14, 2019 8:55amReport post

Aww thanks both.

its very up and down but I am committed to moving forward. I do need a good cry but head still won’t let me realise how much the situation has changed. I am booking in to see a friend later though she simply knows we separated and that’s all about the situation.

i have told my ex he needs to buck up his ideas he got into this mess and needs to brave up and tell his work that he was arrested 3 weeks ago. He has been on sick leave since then and scared to go back. I get it’s frightening for him but only he can mKe it better. Your right about supporting myself first. Self care is so hard at the moment. It’s a whole change of perspective. In my job I support others I never spend time on my well-being.

Hope the cold feels better. It’s so nice I am not the only one going or have gone through this. It’s very lonely xxxx

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Mon January 14, 2019 6:31pmReport post

Bethlou it’s a difficult time for you and you’ll have a long road to travel. You must keep reminding yourself that this is not of your doing. It’s very hard to be like that if you’re the type of person who puts others first which it’s sounds like you are. My thoughts are with you, keep strong.

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon January 14, 2019 6:43pmReport post

Thanks Jaded it so so hard. As you all know. I just feel like I am in a parallel world. Watching everyone go about their day to day activities.

I am just trying to keep myself busy. But know as soon as I stop I need to start grieving what I lost. Three and a bit weeks ago everything was fine now it’s all fallen apart.



sorry I sound like a broken record. It’s the only thing I think of.

Thanks for listening. Xxx

Jayne

Member since
January 2019

11 posts

Posted Mon January 14, 2019 7:12pmReport post

Hi Bethlou,

As others have said you will have good days & bad days. It can take just a little thing to turn a good day into a bad one. I'm 6 weeks in, I spent a few days going back & for a friend's staying a few days at a time. I told her everything she's helped me alot, she also helped me when my now ex-husband was arrested/charged/sentenced. I spent time rearranging my house. I then came crashing down .my GP has been great being totally open & honest helped.

Ii had another blip 2 weeks ago again GP was great. Work has been great too, HR have been fab & won't let me back til I'm ready.ive just come back from a few days away ,out of the area & have come back more positive.

I've only told my nearest & dearest & this has helped. They may not understand what I'm going through but they know why my moods are up & down.

Have you got this type of support. You have to keep telling yourself. It's not your fault/ hasn't anything to do with you. You didn't make him press those buttons .

It has also helped by finally not having contact with him. Admittedly I don't have children with him so this makes it easier. I don't know how I'd feel if I did. My children with my ex-husband were adults when I went through the mill with him .

Take it hour by hour , day by day. It will get better but I with the ex-husband 3years on still have a bad day now & again as I have a grandson & want to protect him from him.

Hope you can find strength in some of this.

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon January 14, 2019 7:58pmReport post

Thanks Jayne.

six weeks in is still early. I am hoping my work will be supportive. I have the rest of the month off but I know it’s not hit me yet.

i think in order to break away I need to be satisfied my ex is not going to do anything stupid. I have told his family to keep and eye on him but not the reason why. He is very private as I am.

I haven’t told that many people really. I am scared to tell to many. My mum and a close friend do and I am paying for counselling to help me process it. Had one session.

I know I am lucky as I do have a good friendship group that I can busy myself with but they don’t really know why we separated. It’s difficult choosing who to confide in.

suppose this situation makes people stronger. Though I don’t yet know the reasons why it happened to me yet.



your right at day by day.



sad we all have to experience this situation. Xxx