Affording my mortgage if he goes to jail.
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Hello,
If my husband is found guilty and does end up in jail, is there any help for the families?
I think I should sell my house now and get myself financially stable and prepare for the worst but my husband doesnt want me too. If he goes to court and is found guilty (very early stages of this) I cant afford to live here. I dont know what to do.
Anyone got advice?
Thank you
If my husband is found guilty and does end up in jail, is there any help for the families?
I think I should sell my house now and get myself financially stable and prepare for the worst but my husband doesnt want me too. If he goes to court and is found guilty (very early stages of this) I cant afford to live here. I dont know what to do.
Anyone got advice?
Thank you
Thank you lee, I'm just so scared and feel like I can lose everything at any moment if I dont act fast to protect myself and the kids. I hate this feeling.
As said I'm my previous post my experience was different so my reaction was obviously different too. You need to know exactly what he has done to be able to make that decision, whatever you do will be difficult but please know you will survive this. I remember how everything felt in the beginning please take it hour by hour and deal on a what you know Basis. For me it was a blessing and curse that I learnt enough within a couple of days. I never went back to my home because I couldn't bare to be in it. Neighbours cleared it out and it sold without me ever stepping through the door again. That was drastic I know but based upon my experience. Moving with all of this going on was flipping stressful though so please bare that in mind, don't do it if not necessary because you need as little additional stress as possible right now.
I hope you get some answers and clarity soon so you can begin to make a plan going forward. But for now minute by minute and hour by hour. You have got this!
I hope you get some answers and clarity soon so you can begin to make a plan going forward. But for now minute by minute and hour by hour. You have got this!
Hi imploding. Thank you I know one cat c pic has been recieved and 1 sent. Thats all I know so far. Id like to think he wont lose his job or go to court over it... but you just dont know do you.
Whats more stressful, breaking up now and moving on or doing it whilst its in court and people know so youre fearing for kids safety?
Horrible situation isnt it. I hate every day at the moment. My children are the only thing keeping me going. xx
Whats more stressful, breaking up now and moving on or doing it whilst its in court and people know so youre fearing for kids safety?
Horrible situation isnt it. I hate every day at the moment. My children are the only thing keeping me going. xx
I think it depends really, for me I knew I couldn't stay and being in the house wasn't an option for me anymore.
I think it comes down to, if it is 1 cat c in and out regardless of court etc do you want to be with him ( and that's totally your choice).
I know you've said in a previous post about him saying he can't remember as was drunk? My ex also told me he wouldn't do this sober. There's some issues around that too. As I'm typing this im finding it impossible to find the words. I'm bitter and cynical based on my experience. But our experiences are our own. I appreciate what you're saying about the court case and stress of moving during, an aspect id not had to think about because I have already moved and am unsure if he'll even be charged. You mention you have children, are social services involved? I only ask as they often are during these times of cases and oftentimes what they say must happen can have a bearing on what does happen in terms of living together.
I wish I had answers for you I really do! Our knock was September so not much further along and I still drive myself insane with questions. Until that moment I thought we were the " perfect " family unit and we'd just got home from a lovely weekend away together whilst the kids stayed at my mums. Just know this, there is no right or wrong decision if it's the one you decide for you and your family and you are and will be strong enough to face whatever decisions you need to. Sending so much love
I think it comes down to, if it is 1 cat c in and out regardless of court etc do you want to be with him ( and that's totally your choice).
I know you've said in a previous post about him saying he can't remember as was drunk? My ex also told me he wouldn't do this sober. There's some issues around that too. As I'm typing this im finding it impossible to find the words. I'm bitter and cynical based on my experience. But our experiences are our own. I appreciate what you're saying about the court case and stress of moving during, an aspect id not had to think about because I have already moved and am unsure if he'll even be charged. You mention you have children, are social services involved? I only ask as they often are during these times of cases and oftentimes what they say must happen can have a bearing on what does happen in terms of living together.
I wish I had answers for you I really do! Our knock was September so not much further along and I still drive myself insane with questions. Until that moment I thought we were the " perfect " family unit and we'd just got home from a lovely weekend away together whilst the kids stayed at my mums. Just know this, there is no right or wrong decision if it's the one you decide for you and your family and you are and will be strong enough to face whatever decisions you need to. Sending so much love
Thank you imploding.
So this is where I am so unsure. He has hurt me on an unbearable scale. Regardless of the cat C pic in and out - even if innocent... do I want to go back to someone who thinks its acceptable to send out my personal images without my consent for HIS benefit? This is whats landed him in this situation in the first place. Such a stupid stupid man!
Im hoping he was sharing my stuff to get other women and it comes back that the cat c pic slipped through the net as one mistake which he just didnt see as he was seeing so many pics of women - if that makes sense? Almost hoping he just didnt twig what it was.
For the sake of my children, our home, our families, our friends, everything tells me that if its one mistake then just battle through it. Get councelling and dont give up on the life we have made.
The other part of me screams to run now.
I'm so so torn. I feel like he has taken my life and screwed it up with no prior warning.
So this is where I am so unsure. He has hurt me on an unbearable scale. Regardless of the cat C pic in and out - even if innocent... do I want to go back to someone who thinks its acceptable to send out my personal images without my consent for HIS benefit? This is whats landed him in this situation in the first place. Such a stupid stupid man!
Im hoping he was sharing my stuff to get other women and it comes back that the cat c pic slipped through the net as one mistake which he just didnt see as he was seeing so many pics of women - if that makes sense? Almost hoping he just didnt twig what it was.
For the sake of my children, our home, our families, our friends, everything tells me that if its one mistake then just battle through it. Get councelling and dont give up on the life we have made.
The other part of me screams to run now.
I'm so so torn. I feel like he has taken my life and screwed it up with no prior warning.
It's the cruelest thing that we are the innocents in this yet it's us with the big decisions to make as the world crumbles around us!
I remember my sister saying " it's like he's died and we are finding all this stuff out " because one day he was here and we all adored him the next he wasn't and I found out he was a stranger. My ex also had thousands of images of woman and was talking to them online, and has used a photograph of us both on a 3sum website! to me that is betrayal too. It's a secret life that I wasn't part of. There's so many layers to the betrayal and deceit because we only find stuff out because of the knock and not because they were honest with us willingly, I'm not sure if had I found out about the adult chat side without the monstrous stuff I would've been able to get over that betrayal. I can't say because it's all mixed up together. I think I'm probably making less sense now and potentially confusing you more. I don't think I would've been able to stay with somebody I didn't trust but I don't know. In a way though what happened with me was horrific it was a blessing that the decision was so clear cut for me there was no chance I could stay. Even if In the first couple days I tried to convince myself otherwise. Still miss him to this day and don't think I'll ever get over it.
You mentioned getting your mum to call solicitors so I'm assuming she knows? One of the most isolating things about this is often that we don't tell the people closest to is and when we do we then carry their opinions, is it something you could speak to your mum about? Maybe writing everything down would be helpful.
I remember my sister saying " it's like he's died and we are finding all this stuff out " because one day he was here and we all adored him the next he wasn't and I found out he was a stranger. My ex also had thousands of images of woman and was talking to them online, and has used a photograph of us both on a 3sum website! to me that is betrayal too. It's a secret life that I wasn't part of. There's so many layers to the betrayal and deceit because we only find stuff out because of the knock and not because they were honest with us willingly, I'm not sure if had I found out about the adult chat side without the monstrous stuff I would've been able to get over that betrayal. I can't say because it's all mixed up together. I think I'm probably making less sense now and potentially confusing you more. I don't think I would've been able to stay with somebody I didn't trust but I don't know. In a way though what happened with me was horrific it was a blessing that the decision was so clear cut for me there was no chance I could stay. Even if In the first couple days I tried to convince myself otherwise. Still miss him to this day and don't think I'll ever get over it.
You mentioned getting your mum to call solicitors so I'm assuming she knows? One of the most isolating things about this is often that we don't tell the people closest to is and when we do we then carry their opinions, is it something you could speak to your mum about? Maybe writing everything down would be helpful.
I know what you mean. If this was just me he had screwed over I could consider moving on. However there is now a iioc in the mix and him unable to say how what when or why as he cant recall ever seeing it. So angry with him.
My Mum knows everything and we talk on the phone daily about it, throwing ideas out there etc etc. So luckily I have someone to talk too. However she won't tell me what to do for the best because she says it has to be my choice and whatever one I take she will back me on and support me.
My Mum says unless she was in that position she doesn't know what she would do.
Tough one isn't it.
All I think is run away and get out now before me and the kids become collateral damage.
Then on thinking further I think he wouldnt do this knowingly, and if it came back that he did then I would truly be shocked, so why shouldnt I wait for an outcome from police before rushing to sell the house and leave him.
He isn;t living with us. I have told him until I KNOW what he has done he cant stay here, so only see's the kids with me pressent once a week.
Social services paid 1 visit and signed it all off within 3 weeks. Said he could come home and they lifted his 28 day bail a week early and police and SS said he could come home until they have more info. I however told him no until I know what he has or hasnt done as he cant remember due to being drunk so theres no way Im letting him back until I get an answer.
My Mum knows everything and we talk on the phone daily about it, throwing ideas out there etc etc. So luckily I have someone to talk too. However she won't tell me what to do for the best because she says it has to be my choice and whatever one I take she will back me on and support me.
My Mum says unless she was in that position she doesn't know what she would do.
Tough one isn't it.
All I think is run away and get out now before me and the kids become collateral damage.
Then on thinking further I think he wouldnt do this knowingly, and if it came back that he did then I would truly be shocked, so why shouldnt I wait for an outcome from police before rushing to sell the house and leave him.
He isn;t living with us. I have told him until I KNOW what he has done he cant stay here, so only see's the kids with me pressent once a week.
Social services paid 1 visit and signed it all off within 3 weeks. Said he could come home and they lifted his 28 day bail a week early and police and SS said he could come home until they have more info. I however told him no until I know what he has or hasnt done as he cant remember due to being drunk so theres no way Im letting him back until I get an answer.
I think you're mum is right. Which is why it's so difficult to give and take advice here because though we're in a similar process all of our situations are different. Just know that whatever you decide you can do it. I've come to realise for me the victory in this is surviving it!