I so need help - can we connect?
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Hi lovely people of the forum - I am new to forums and am finding it really hard to navigate - I really just need someone who can relate to talk to - is there anyway of private messaging anyone? I live on the other end of the world and getting through to the helpline time zone wise and then actually getting connected hasn't happened yet.
I only jsut found this resource and it's 3 years down the track - the journey has been HUGE and I always thought I was the only woman on the planet that would stay after something like this but I feel so releived that I'm not! I have been craving this level of understanding. Is there a group where partners like us can talk and deal together? I'm such a bad typist - these messages take me so long and then I can't find the post I was on days ago to see if there is an answer!!
So I started this one!
I did not find this group until a few weeks ago and felt so alone in the last 3 years of this nightmare.
We have been through the whole thing and extremely lucky that he got off on a caution and it did not go public, but it was so close and the excruitating time waiting for that decision was sheer hell and the secret we are holding is so toxic inside of me.
We are still together and VERY slowly healing.
We have been trying to get through and it's been so very hard but I am lead by my heart and I love him deeply and don't feel he would of ever harmed anyone - he got so addcited after 20+ years of porn and got lead into this dark dark world and did something very very stupid, shocked himself.
He is in recovery - goes to SLAA meetings - has a twice daily meditation practise and has zero access to the internet without a password that I type in - has never once complained about this arrangement in the last 3 years. Has been without a smartphone for 3 years and is relieved for it. But he is still struggling with intimacy physically and with his emotions - it's what got him into the addcition in the first place - is the case with many of them. Intimacy anorexia they call it and I have now got it as a reaction to the situation so we have been in a very distant place emotionally with each other - I have hardened my heart - but our hearts are still connected - this whole thing is such a paradox. He is SUCH a great guy - dad - friend etc. I still just can't fathom it. But he has changed, his secret addiction is over (but is it? I still can't fully trust and whats happening in his head?)
It is so so hard to reconcile what happened - thats were I am stuck and thought I was a freak for staying with him until I found this page. WE have been married 22 years and he was addicted before we got married. we have one son who is 14 and I wanted a bigger family - i now know looking back it was the addcition that meant it was so hard for us to get pregnant and it tool him SO long if ever to do the deed. I'm VERY angry about that, but don;t show it - I'm a calm and kind person but deeply fired up inside.
I did not have my normal support systems when it happened as there was no way that I was telling anyone and I still havn't - my closest people know it's a porn addiction and thats it - I think they have probably figured it out (due to my silence) and even that makes me sick. I feel I am harbouring the worlds biggest secret.
Sorry if this is all umble jumble - hard to get the story of the last 3 years out in a coherent time line!
I worry that all this shit inside is going to make me sick - I want to move on and love and embrace him again but finding that so very hard.
Would love to hear form anyone that wants to connect off here - if thats allowed?
:)
I only jsut found this resource and it's 3 years down the track - the journey has been HUGE and I always thought I was the only woman on the planet that would stay after something like this but I feel so releived that I'm not! I have been craving this level of understanding. Is there a group where partners like us can talk and deal together? I'm such a bad typist - these messages take me so long and then I can't find the post I was on days ago to see if there is an answer!!
So I started this one!
I did not find this group until a few weeks ago and felt so alone in the last 3 years of this nightmare.
We have been through the whole thing and extremely lucky that he got off on a caution and it did not go public, but it was so close and the excruitating time waiting for that decision was sheer hell and the secret we are holding is so toxic inside of me.
We are still together and VERY slowly healing.
We have been trying to get through and it's been so very hard but I am lead by my heart and I love him deeply and don't feel he would of ever harmed anyone - he got so addcited after 20+ years of porn and got lead into this dark dark world and did something very very stupid, shocked himself.
He is in recovery - goes to SLAA meetings - has a twice daily meditation practise and has zero access to the internet without a password that I type in - has never once complained about this arrangement in the last 3 years. Has been without a smartphone for 3 years and is relieved for it. But he is still struggling with intimacy physically and with his emotions - it's what got him into the addcition in the first place - is the case with many of them. Intimacy anorexia they call it and I have now got it as a reaction to the situation so we have been in a very distant place emotionally with each other - I have hardened my heart - but our hearts are still connected - this whole thing is such a paradox. He is SUCH a great guy - dad - friend etc. I still just can't fathom it. But he has changed, his secret addiction is over (but is it? I still can't fully trust and whats happening in his head?)
It is so so hard to reconcile what happened - thats were I am stuck and thought I was a freak for staying with him until I found this page. WE have been married 22 years and he was addicted before we got married. we have one son who is 14 and I wanted a bigger family - i now know looking back it was the addcition that meant it was so hard for us to get pregnant and it tool him SO long if ever to do the deed. I'm VERY angry about that, but don;t show it - I'm a calm and kind person but deeply fired up inside.
I did not have my normal support systems when it happened as there was no way that I was telling anyone and I still havn't - my closest people know it's a porn addiction and thats it - I think they have probably figured it out (due to my silence) and even that makes me sick. I feel I am harbouring the worlds biggest secret.
Sorry if this is all umble jumble - hard to get the story of the last 3 years out in a coherent time line!
I worry that all this shit inside is going to make me sick - I want to move on and love and embrace him again but finding that so very hard.
Would love to hear form anyone that wants to connect off here - if thats allowed?
:)
Hi I am new here to we had the knock on the 28th October because he was online talking to a police decoy which he did not know it was a decoy,, he was talking sexual. I am sticking by my hubby because I understand this is down to mental health and sexual addition but does not mean for me his behaviour is right but it gives me a understanding and knowing what to put in place to protect my very young child and myself and him,, the form room is get there is no way to privately message each other as I know of,, keep trying the helpline cause it does help and is great,, sorry I can't be much more helpful xx
But here to talk with no judgement about anything u want to talk about xx
But here to talk with no judgement about anything u want to talk about xx
Hi Vickie
some of us used to connect on mumsnet under the same names as we had on this site but the forum stopped us doing that because of safety concern. From using our same names as here we were able to connect on mumsnet and from that some of us set up and joined wassap support groups that some of the ladies set up x
some of us used to connect on mumsnet under the same names as we had on this site but the forum stopped us doing that because of safety concern. From using our same names as here we were able to connect on mumsnet and from that some of us set up and joined wassap support groups that some of the ladies set up x
As others have said there isn't a way to communiticate directly with others on here, and the use of mumsnet has been banned.
LFF do have a secure messaging system as well as the helpline. Perhaps you could use that in order to contact them, it may also be they are aware of resources available more locally to your. There's details of their secure messaging system on this page.
https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-the-behaviour-of-another-adult/thoughts-or-behaviour/
I know some people here have been directed to this site by their local police forces. Could you contact yours and ask them if there is something similar.
You may also find counselling helpful, either individually or couples counselling.
Although posting on here isn't the same as being able to talk directly to someone, do come back as it's one of the few places where people know and understand what you are going through
LFF do have a secure messaging system as well as the helpline. Perhaps you could use that in order to contact them, it may also be they are aware of resources available more locally to your. There's details of their secure messaging system on this page.
https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-the-behaviour-of-another-adult/thoughts-or-behaviour/
I know some people here have been directed to this site by their local police forces. Could you contact yours and ask them if there is something similar.
You may also find counselling helpful, either individually or couples counselling.
Although posting on here isn't the same as being able to talk directly to someone, do come back as it's one of the few places where people know and understand what you are going through