Family and Friends Forum

Over 15 years ago, he was downloading music and lots of indecent material appeared on his computer. He says he thought it was a safe site because he had given his card details, clicked on numerous singles/albums, clicked download and left it (this was in the days of dial-up internet). He says he didn't look at all the files because it took too long but saw that some files looked different, he opened to see what it was and deleted without thinking because it was indecent images of children.

When I met him, he told me about what had happened and he had even been engaged to a teacher a few years after all this, so I listened to what he said and what his best friend said and believed him. I remember what it was like for downloading and quite honestly, I don't know what I would've reported it to the Police back then or just hit delete.

It was reported in the press and the solicitor had said there was no proof he had downloaded with intent or looked at the images but there were a lot.

In 2018, we (me, husband and toddler) had relocated, a week later we had a knock on the door at 2am and it was the Police and SS. They wanted my husband to leave because they didn't know my husband had a child. Apparently, because of his history, we should've reported it but as neither of us had planned to have kids, hadn't given it a thought (plus, I didn't know we needed to). Anyway, he was told to leave whilst an investigation took place.

My husband had been suffering with severe depression since before the birth of our son. During the investigation, it turned out that something had happened. Ever since the situation happened 15 years ago, it had always been a weight on his shoulders, something we had discussed many times because it was on Google for all to see. Something had happened and a friend had found out and he started to think (in his depressive days) what if people believe the stories, so he stupidly went into a chat room, apparently twice, the first to make up a story (which was confirmed by the police as a made up story) and the second time to go back in and to say they're all sick in the head.

Apparently, it was the realisation he needed. I am not making excuses for him but knowing all the crap we've both been through, I am 100% confident he would never do anything to any child.

He was originally arrested, the house raided etc. but eventually, the case was dropped. SS went through all their assessments and said he could spend time with our son but under supervision.

Needless to say, we are still technically married but we have been living apart for 3 years but the intention was that he would move back with us to co-parent but then COVID hit and finding a new job is a nightmare.

Last week at nursery, our child mentioned he had breakfast with Daddy (because he was visiting) and they alerted SS because they know nothing about the case. I was messed around a lot by SS with them not doing what they said and when they said they would.

They got in touch yesterday to confirm supervised visits and they called back again today to say they will do another assessment. At some point husband will move back in with us but to co-parent but we will eventually split. We've already changed names etc.

My question is, my son will be starting school in September, how do you handle questions like, why not get your husband to look after your son and we can go out (I'm thinking of when there is some normality in the world)?

Do you know if supervised visits are forever?

How do you tell a young child that he can't sleep at Daddy's house on his own?

I told some friends at the time, some stuck by me, some didn't but how do you handle this in the future?

Thanks.