Will they ever see there dad again.
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I understand the feelings we can only fight for them to see them hun, when did u get the knock hun x sorry not got much I can rally say x
Hello Sad and Worried, love, can you get back in touch with the arresting officer for more clarity on bail conditions. They've said no contact at all? So can he not phone your children with the phone on speaker with you in the room?. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had the knock 4 weeks ago and it's been horrible. My husband had his phone and laptop taken. He told me when he was bailed that he's addicted to porn and it took him down a very dark path into downloading iioc. He is a broken man, very very remorseful and upset. He's gonna plead guilty at the earliest point. We have to go back to answer bail on 4th feb. Up until the knock we had a happy life, been together over 25 years with a daughter aged 18 and son nearly 16. My husband was given bail but no unsupervised contact with u18 unless unforeseen and an emergency, he was bailed to home. Like everyone on here said to me please take care of yourself. It's the most horrible thing your going through right now. The first thing I did was ring the doctor as I was incredibly stressed, anxious and couldn't sleep. It was like a trauma getting the police knock. I've started counselling today to help with my worry about it all. Please look through the forum and reach out, honestly it's been a godsend to me but also take time out. Even doing mundane things helps me and also taking my dog for long rambles across the fields
Hi,
You are in an almost identical situation to where I was this time last year. He is still on bail. Keeps being extended as they haven't checked devices yet! He can have contact - just supervised by myself or another person.
Keep positive. It does improve ♥?
You are in an almost identical situation to where I was this time last year. He is still on bail. Keeps being extended as they haven't checked devices yet! He can have contact - just supervised by myself or another person.
Keep positive. It does improve ♥?
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Hi,
I honestly don't think the authorities understand the anxiety that being on hold causes. We've been in limbo for a year. Still no answers. I get they are busy but having no time limit and constant extension of bail is torturous.
So in my case. First bail no contact to anyone under 18 lasting two months. Rebailed and then was allowed phonecalls (supervised). Following work on a CIN plan (6 joint sessions) he was rebailed and allowed supervised contact. This has been the case for six months.
We were lucky to have an efficient social worker who visited weekly and completed the CIN plan in two months.
I found working with social care played a huge part in reducing bail restrictions.
xXx
I honestly don't think the authorities understand the anxiety that being on hold causes. We've been in limbo for a year. Still no answers. I get they are busy but having no time limit and constant extension of bail is torturous.
So in my case. First bail no contact to anyone under 18 lasting two months. Rebailed and then was allowed phonecalls (supervised). Following work on a CIN plan (6 joint sessions) he was rebailed and allowed supervised contact. This has been the case for six months.
We were lucky to have an efficient social worker who visited weekly and completed the CIN plan in two months.
I found working with social care played a huge part in reducing bail restrictions.
xXx
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Sounds like a good headteacher!
We did a course called something like safe carers with our social worker. It was a course made for foster carers I believe looking out for reasons for and signs of abuse etc. It was this information that supported his request to relaxing bail conditions. The social worker listened to my children too. We completed words and pictures with my eldest which is essentially a story board of how to keep yourself safe (a bit like the nspcc pants work) but you create the cartoon style storyboard with the child.
The social worker we had stuck to timetables and completed sessions when they said they would. I know not everyone has the same experience as me.
We did a course called something like safe carers with our social worker. It was a course made for foster carers I believe looking out for reasons for and signs of abuse etc. It was this information that supported his request to relaxing bail conditions. The social worker listened to my children too. We completed words and pictures with my eldest which is essentially a story board of how to keep yourself safe (a bit like the nspcc pants work) but you create the cartoon style storyboard with the child.
The social worker we had stuck to timetables and completed sessions when they said they would. I know not everyone has the same experience as me.
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He has requested to attend the Lucy Faithful courses virtually - just waiting to be offered a spot .
He printed off all the modules and completed them. He's kept them. During some counselling sessions he was recommended some books which he has made a decent start on. There are quite a few. Alot of the modules weren't relevant to him but he's gone through the lot on his own. He'd complete a module then call the lff helpline to talk through his answers.
He also attend the sessions with the social worker. We aren't together but it's important we work as a team for our children's sake.
It's a tough road to travel. With everyone so wrapped up in covid it's hard to see this coming to a conclusion anytime soon.
For now we'll carry on with adhering to bail conditions and hoping for a positive outcome. I don't believe prison sentences help anyone, especially first time offenders. I wish there was a more robust system for rehabilitation of offenders in these cases.
It's clear for me to see the positive changes he's made. It's been really tough trying to access relevant support. He's essentially created his own rehabilitation programme.
He printed off all the modules and completed them. He's kept them. During some counselling sessions he was recommended some books which he has made a decent start on. There are quite a few. Alot of the modules weren't relevant to him but he's gone through the lot on his own. He'd complete a module then call the lff helpline to talk through his answers.
He also attend the sessions with the social worker. We aren't together but it's important we work as a team for our children's sake.
It's a tough road to travel. With everyone so wrapped up in covid it's hard to see this coming to a conclusion anytime soon.
For now we'll carry on with adhering to bail conditions and hoping for a positive outcome. I don't believe prison sentences help anyone, especially first time offenders. I wish there was a more robust system for rehabilitation of offenders in these cases.
It's clear for me to see the positive changes he's made. It's been really tough trying to access relevant support. He's essentially created his own rehabilitation programme.
Sarah, what are the Lucy Faithfull modules?. I've seen about the inform plus course but I'd like my husband to do the modules too. We are fairly new to all this. We got the knock 4 weeks ago ( the most horrific day of my life). They took his phone and laptop. When he came home on bail he told me everything. That he's addicted to porn and it took him down a very dark path and he downloaded iioc, he has adult porn on the laptop too. He is incredibly remorseful and so so upset that he's ruined our lives. We have an 18 year old daughter and nearly 16 year old son and before this has a really happy life, he's a great Dad, I knew nothing of his porn addiction. At the moment I'm waiting for the SW to visit and chat to my son. She was brilliant with me on the phone and said she'd likely close the case as I was doing everything right with bail conditions ( I'm hoping she's not giving me false hope after I've read so much on here about women's terrible experiences with the ss). I'm 100% in support of my husband. Yes I'm deeply upset and traumatised about everything and I'm now doing therapy but we've been together over 25 years and had a good life, not gonna throw that away. It's going to be very hard to get through all this
Hi,
They are in the self help part of the stop it now website.
https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/concerned-about-use-of-the-internet/self-help/
They were recommended when he contacted the helpline as he wasn't able to get on the course straight away.
Hope this helps.
The social worker we had was quick and pretty proactive. I think I've been lucky reading some of the horror stories on here. A lot of the focus from social care was on me but I was quite adamant from the start that we do joint sessions as we are both parents here and I'm not the risk.
They are in the self help part of the stop it now website.
https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/concerned-about-use-of-the-internet/self-help/
They were recommended when he contacted the helpline as he wasn't able to get on the course straight away.
Hope this helps.
The social worker we had was quick and pretty proactive. I think I've been lucky reading some of the horror stories on here. A lot of the focus from social care was on me but I was quite adamant from the start that we do joint sessions as we are both parents here and I'm not the risk.
Sarah thank you so much for the info, I've been looking at the modules today and they will be such a great help for my husband, thank you!. He's gonna do the inform plus course. It's only been 4 weeks since the police came and I have been in overdrive trying to get all the help we can, I'm exhausted. I'm hoping the SW will be a good one. I too have read all the horror stories on here and got myself into a right state. She was lovely on the phone the other day, really positive so we will see on Monday when she comes to talk to my son!
I hard a really hard time with my sw at the being so I and felt she did not listen and was putting her options in so in the end I started doing my own research,, I started reading porn trap,, then I started making child protection plan,, I also did a safeguarding plan so if I was really unwell how would we cope with this so my partner was not alone with the kids,, the signs to look out for abuse,, I have also read porn on the brain,, I even take it to the point I have quite smoking so the kids are not alone,, when to my partner taking the dog for a walk whiles I have to do any personal care for the children,, I thro the worst and then put things in place so it could never happen I know it would not but they don't want to hear that,, I stand up to my sw and yesterday she came and has agreed that we can be put on a child in need plan or agreement plan once my partner gone to court and see the out come then he can start talking over the phone so that start for now my kids are so happy for that xxx hope this helpful in some way x
Louise49.
No problem. I hope it helps him. It certainly did in my case. Made us have conversations that we would never have had in a million years.
I would recommend your husband calling the lff helpline too. They supported us through this early dark days and helped work through the modules.
I absolutely feel for you. I'm almost a year into this rollercoaster and can still feel the overwhelming emotions from the first few weeks months.
I'm hoping for brighter days soon but with bail conditions extended again recently it just seems neverending.
xXx
No problem. I hope it helps him. It certainly did in my case. Made us have conversations that we would never have had in a million years.
I would recommend your husband calling the lff helpline too. They supported us through this early dark days and helped work through the modules.
I absolutely feel for you. I'm almost a year into this rollercoaster and can still feel the overwhelming emotions from the first few weeks months.
I'm hoping for brighter days soon but with bail conditions extended again recently it just seems neverending.
xXx