Suicide following 'the knock'
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Hi, I dont know where else to discuss this.
We had ' the knock' at 6am on the 3 december. My partner sat in silence ( in what I naively thought was shock/innocence) whilst my daughter & I defended him. He went to work and that evening admitted to downloading images of young teens. I tried to support him over the next 2 days - he remained at home with me and my 18yr old daughter ( had had been her stepdad since she was 3).
On sunday morning I said to him if he was open n honest about what he had downloaded then we may be able to move forward - he then told me that he had put a web cam in my daughters room. I told him he could no li ger stay at home.
He drove off and by that afternoon he had taken his own life in a manner which made it very clear he did not want to live.
I struggle to process all the separate element - up until 3rd dec he was the love of my life, my everything.
His adult children have decided to block out the last 3 days of his life ( although he called them and told them about the images but not web cam) they have him up on a pedistal as a perfect dad.
I keep flipping between being devistated that hes gone ( I never wanted him dead), being angry and disgusted by someone I never knew, having my future ripped away all of his own making. I struggle to balance it all and to support my daughter who feels she is always being watched.
I love him, hate him, I'm angry with him. Hes left a mess behind - his adult children ( especially his son blames my daughter for their fathers actions s) how do I process all of this. Let alone the financial mess hes left behind ( never changed his will as toonlazy to provide me with security).
I'm truely a mess
We had ' the knock' at 6am on the 3 december. My partner sat in silence ( in what I naively thought was shock/innocence) whilst my daughter & I defended him. He went to work and that evening admitted to downloading images of young teens. I tried to support him over the next 2 days - he remained at home with me and my 18yr old daughter ( had had been her stepdad since she was 3).
On sunday morning I said to him if he was open n honest about what he had downloaded then we may be able to move forward - he then told me that he had put a web cam in my daughters room. I told him he could no li ger stay at home.
He drove off and by that afternoon he had taken his own life in a manner which made it very clear he did not want to live.
I struggle to process all the separate element - up until 3rd dec he was the love of my life, my everything.
His adult children have decided to block out the last 3 days of his life ( although he called them and told them about the images but not web cam) they have him up on a pedistal as a perfect dad.
I keep flipping between being devistated that hes gone ( I never wanted him dead), being angry and disgusted by someone I never knew, having my future ripped away all of his own making. I struggle to balance it all and to support my daughter who feels she is always being watched.
I love him, hate him, I'm angry with him. Hes left a mess behind - his adult children ( especially his son blames my daughter for their fathers actions s) how do I process all of this. Let alone the financial mess hes left behind ( never changed his will as toonlazy to provide me with security).
I'm truely a mess
Hello,
I have just read your post and couldn't not reply. I don't have any advice, except to say I am so sorry for what you are currently going through. You must have so many emotions and thoughts, all I would suggest is that you sit with those emotions as you try to process everyhing. This will all take time but everything you are feeling is normal.
I highly recommend talking to a counsellor, as they will help guide you to process all the trauma.
I'm so sorry you also find yourself here. Sending you a big big virtual hug, as I'm sure you will be feeling as if your the only one on the planet going through something like this, but I promise you your not. It will get easier with time even though it certainly won't feel it right now.
Be kind to yourself, as your navigating through a situation you certainly never expected or predicted.
big hugs x
I have just read your post and couldn't not reply. I don't have any advice, except to say I am so sorry for what you are currently going through. You must have so many emotions and thoughts, all I would suggest is that you sit with those emotions as you try to process everyhing. This will all take time but everything you are feeling is normal.
I highly recommend talking to a counsellor, as they will help guide you to process all the trauma.
I'm so sorry you also find yourself here. Sending you a big big virtual hug, as I'm sure you will be feeling as if your the only one on the planet going through something like this, but I promise you your not. It will get easier with time even though it certainly won't feel it right now.
Be kind to yourself, as your navigating through a situation you certainly never expected or predicted.
big hugs x
Fionaa I'm so so sorry you are going through this. It must be incredibly traumatic for you and your family. I do think you will need professional support. You have a lot to deal with and at the moment you will be understandably in shock and numb. I do think you need to ring your Doctor. Is there a close friend that you trust that can support you?. Also ringing the Samaritans will help if you need to talk. As for the practicalities of the financial mess I would say citizens advice are a good start. They can point you in all the right directions. Sending a virtual hug, I know I don't know you but your post really got me xx
I am sorry for ur lost firstly sending u lots of love and hugs xxx secondly I am sorry ur going through this and finding urself here keep posting so we can support u but all the advice given is great starting points again lots of love and hugs xxx
Thank you for your responses
I am having counselling - fortunatly have a supportive employer whinis funding this and am currently signed off from work.
Sadley the samaritans are of little help as they never seam to answer the phone. A charity called SOBS has been helpful.
I need to keep talking about everything as we experienced it - but his children continue to deny his actions caused all of this. The difficulty with talking about it is people are opinionated about suicide. I have been unable to talk about the indecent images to all but a couple very close friends as that divides opinions even more. I fear however it will all come out in the inquest
When I last spoke to my partner he continued to grab at straws to justify his actions - so sad
At one point we have 5 simultaneous police investigations as after he had cut himself he was involved in a hit & run.
It's so hard trying process each bit.
I look at photos - sometimes I see a dirty old man, sometimes I see the man I love, sometimes a total stranger.......my daughter is similar - angry and disgusted by him but also memories of the farthely support he gave her over the years.
It's really is a mess
I am having counselling - fortunatly have a supportive employer whinis funding this and am currently signed off from work.
Sadley the samaritans are of little help as they never seam to answer the phone. A charity called SOBS has been helpful.
I need to keep talking about everything as we experienced it - but his children continue to deny his actions caused all of this. The difficulty with talking about it is people are opinionated about suicide. I have been unable to talk about the indecent images to all but a couple very close friends as that divides opinions even more. I fear however it will all come out in the inquest
When I last spoke to my partner he continued to grab at straws to justify his actions - so sad
At one point we have 5 simultaneous police investigations as after he had cut himself he was involved in a hit & run.
It's so hard trying process each bit.
I look at photos - sometimes I see a dirty old man, sometimes I see the man I love, sometimes a total stranger.......my daughter is similar - angry and disgusted by him but also memories of the farthely support he gave her over the years.
It's really is a mess
Oh my word Fionaa, I don't know what to say. That is so much for you and your family to take onboard.
It's good to hear you are having counselling, I hope your daughter has someone to talk to as well.
You must be kind to yourself, your life has been dramatically turned upside down and you have many emotions to process. There must be many loose ends to tie but don't take on too much at once. Prioritise your financial situation as that's something you can get some results with, then when your more financially stable start to try and slowly process your feelings.
Make sure you have spoken to your Dr and keep coming on here for support, or ring lff helpline, they are great if you need to talk.
Most of all I am sending you a big hug ???? please do not feel alone in this. Xxxx
It's good to hear you are having counselling, I hope your daughter has someone to talk to as well.
You must be kind to yourself, your life has been dramatically turned upside down and you have many emotions to process. There must be many loose ends to tie but don't take on too much at once. Prioritise your financial situation as that's something you can get some results with, then when your more financially stable start to try and slowly process your feelings.
Make sure you have spoken to your Dr and keep coming on here for support, or ring lff helpline, they are great if you need to talk.
Most of all I am sending you a big hug ???? please do not feel alone in this. Xxxx
Obviously my hug emoji came up as ???? Please take that as a hug. Xxx
Thank you - I brought his ashes home. Sometimes I get angry with him ( and I never got angry with him when he was alive). I also kiss him goodnight and miss his arms around me ????