the knock
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9 months ago there was a knock on my door which blew my world apart. My husband and myself were having breakfast and 4 strangers came into the house with a clipboard and masks. It was the beginning of lockdown and I stupidly thought they were doing a survey about covid.
They identified themselves as police officers and that images of a minor had been downloaded to our IP address. When they mentioned a specific date I told them I was visiting my daughter in Australia and my husband had been at home.
They then took him into another room and questioned him. when he came back in the room I asked him if he had done anything. He looked me in the eye and said "No its a mistake".
Thats when my world fell apart. They arrested him and a large police van pulled up outside the house. They sent 2 hours searching the house and took away both our computers and his mobile and laptop. I sat there in shock and then waited until he came home that evening. I could not go out of the house or see my friend as it was the 1st lockdown. I kept this to myself for 10 weeks before breaking down and telling a friend at work. She told me I had to tell my daughters as I needed support.
Nine months on I have sold my house, filed for a divorce and am changing my surname. I loved my husband, we had been together for 10 years and married for 6 years. I thought we were sole mates and we could talk about anything, but now I realise i did not know him at all.
The police said their enquiries could take 2 years. In the meantime My life is in limbo. The divorce and house sale is taking forever due to lockdown. My house is just a roof over my head and it feels as if I have been violated. Every time a car drives past my house I think its going to be the policce. your home should be your sanctuary, but knowing that someone can come into your house with a piece of paper and search it at anytime is scarey.
As for my husband, he would not discuss it and after 3 months I told him he had to move out. I loved him but could not forgive him and am still angry with him. He thinks he has been hard done by and hes the victim.
They identified themselves as police officers and that images of a minor had been downloaded to our IP address. When they mentioned a specific date I told them I was visiting my daughter in Australia and my husband had been at home.
They then took him into another room and questioned him. when he came back in the room I asked him if he had done anything. He looked me in the eye and said "No its a mistake".
Thats when my world fell apart. They arrested him and a large police van pulled up outside the house. They sent 2 hours searching the house and took away both our computers and his mobile and laptop. I sat there in shock and then waited until he came home that evening. I could not go out of the house or see my friend as it was the 1st lockdown. I kept this to myself for 10 weeks before breaking down and telling a friend at work. She told me I had to tell my daughters as I needed support.
Nine months on I have sold my house, filed for a divorce and am changing my surname. I loved my husband, we had been together for 10 years and married for 6 years. I thought we were sole mates and we could talk about anything, but now I realise i did not know him at all.
The police said their enquiries could take 2 years. In the meantime My life is in limbo. The divorce and house sale is taking forever due to lockdown. My house is just a roof over my head and it feels as if I have been violated. Every time a car drives past my house I think its going to be the policce. your home should be your sanctuary, but knowing that someone can come into your house with a piece of paper and search it at anytime is scarey.
As for my husband, he would not discuss it and after 3 months I told him he had to move out. I loved him but could not forgive him and am still angry with him. He thinks he has been hard done by and hes the victim.
Hi In limbo
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that this post has not yet received a response from other forum users. It is positive that you have been able to access support from forum users on different threads, but I recognise how hard it may have been to write this post and so I want to say well done for doing so. I am sorry to hear about the impact the knock has had on your life, and how your practical changes are currently delayed. It is positive that you felt able to reach out for support from your friend, your daughters and this forum. I recognise how hard it can be to be in limbo and I encourage you to keep utilising your support networks, including the Stop It Now! helpline. It is really important that you feel supported during this difficult time. I again want to say well done for taking the big step to write this and other posts. If you would like any further support please do not hesitate to contact the helpline on 0808 1000 900.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that this post has not yet received a response from other forum users. It is positive that you have been able to access support from forum users on different threads, but I recognise how hard it may have been to write this post and so I want to say well done for doing so. I am sorry to hear about the impact the knock has had on your life, and how your practical changes are currently delayed. It is positive that you felt able to reach out for support from your friend, your daughters and this forum. I recognise how hard it can be to be in limbo and I encourage you to keep utilising your support networks, including the Stop It Now! helpline. It is really important that you feel supported during this difficult time. I again want to say well done for taking the big step to write this and other posts. If you would like any further support please do not hesitate to contact the helpline on 0808 1000 900.
Take care,
Lucy
Hello I'm sorry to hear your situation . I can really relate I am 6 months from the knock. absolute torture still waiting waiting still in this terrible limbo .Good days and bad. It's in my head 24 hours. What I would say is this forum had been a lifeline and there are some Amazing strong women who can help. Take a day at a time and prioritise you over your partner . Good luck
Hi
Just wanted to say that everything you state about your home being violated is something I can relate to, even though it is 2 years since the knock. You are being amazingly strong. I am also shocked that men in this situation choose to paint themselves as the victim. I try to tell myself it is a coping mechanism but deep down I believe it is a sign of their selfishness, unable to understand what they have put everyone through.
Take one day at a time, you will get to a better place, of that I am certain. If necessary, take an hour at a time. Deepbreaths and pamper yourself. You deserve better than this, in fact everyone of us ladies deserves better!!
Izzy
Just wanted to say that everything you state about your home being violated is something I can relate to, even though it is 2 years since the knock. You are being amazingly strong. I am also shocked that men in this situation choose to paint themselves as the victim. I try to tell myself it is a coping mechanism but deep down I believe it is a sign of their selfishness, unable to understand what they have put everyone through.
Take one day at a time, you will get to a better place, of that I am certain. If necessary, take an hour at a time. Deepbreaths and pamper yourself. You deserve better than this, in fact everyone of us ladies deserves better!!
Izzy
Thank you for getting back to me. This forum has helped me understand that I am not alone. I did not think that it happened very often and am shocked to find out how many other people are going through this hell as well.
The police officer investigating my husbands case recommended you to me, but I thought I could cope with it on my own. It has taken me 8 months to come on here and I wish I had done it ages ago.
I do not want to be a victim and wallow in self pity, but I think you have to hit rock bottom before you can come back up. I am slowly putting my life back together and hate living on my own, but how am I supposed to trust someone enough to let him in my life?
The police officer investigating my husbands case recommended you to me, but I thought I could cope with it on my own. It has taken me 8 months to come on here and I wish I had done it ages ago.
I do not want to be a victim and wallow in self pity, but I think you have to hit rock bottom before you can come back up. I am slowly putting my life back together and hate living on my own, but how am I supposed to trust someone enough to let him in my life?