Family and Friends Forum

Hi Sam, there are a few posts about those who know people who are in or seen in prison who I'm sure will comment shortly. You could also search for key terms in the search bar.

My partner wasn't given a prison sentence so I'm not too familiar with how prisons work. But from a general understanding they try to place inmates in wards of similar types of offences. My step brother works as a prison guard in the lower risk offenders ward e.g. Non violent sex offenders, fraudsters, non violent theft etc.

My partner was advised if he did go to prison to ofc not say what he was charged with. It should be kept confidential where possible amongst inmates I would have thought.

Hi Sam.

my son is currently still in prison. Here is his experience.

They are on a separate wing to the general population of the prison. There are some people on the hall that have been moved to my sons protection hall simply because they can't cope with the general population wing.

my son was allowed an old style game boy, a ps2, and could have had an old style x box if he'd wanted it.

my son shared with other people for some time. There was a toilet and telly in the cell but obviously they all had to share that telly. My son got a cell of his own in the end through healthreason so he can watch what he wants now or play computer whenever.

we were allowed to send in clothes, underwear, bedding, a quilt and pillows.

thereare jobs you can get in there. They pay anywhere from 12 to 16 pound a week which helps them buy personal items or snack treats. Herein scotland family are also allowed to send money in but there's a cut off on what they can spend each week.

The protection wings seem to be much more calm and trouble free compared with the general wings. My son did complain a lot that his cell mate would openly take drugs and be half unconscious most nights. He hated it because he has never taken drugs. He has his faults but drugs are not one of them.

Hope this helps a little x

Hi Sam

my sons story is a little unusual but here goes.

son met girl on internet who lived in England. Girl said she was 18. Later she told truth that she was 14 and a half years old. Son should have stopped at that point but didn't. The girl thought of herself as my sons girlfriend as did her parents. Her parents knew my sons age and had talked to him many times on video call. They were all for the relationship and invited our son to visit their daughter. My son never took them up on their invite so he had never met the girl or her parents in person.

fastforward to my son and the girl falling out. At that point the parents reported it to the police and my son got the knock. He was charged with communication offences with the girl plus having six indecent images. The six images were images of the girl which she had sent him. He had also sent her images of himself.

fast forward seven months to the morning he was sentenced in court. He was given four years. Two to serve in prison and two to serve in the community which I think was harsh. Especially as the girl did not give a statement to the police. She refused when they asked her to make a statement. This didn't help our son because obviously all the conversations were on my sons phone.It was and still is (to some degree) a nightmare but we are getting there.
If it's any comfort to you, the majority of people who download indecent images do not get prison time unless they have downloaded many thousands . They mainly get community orders etc as well as the sex offender register. That said, there is always the chance that the judge will make an example of someone on the day and serve a harsh sentence. This is what I believe happened to our son x

My hubby has just been to magistrates today for his plea hearing..

Crown court

Probation

Suspended sentence

SOR

Will be told when he goes to crown court how long he's likely to be on SOR for and how long his Suspended sentence will be for.

Still not living at home with us..even though we knew the outcome,I'm still heartbroken..Will we ever be able to be a family again and will we ever see the light of day

No mention of shpo..been told probation, sor,suspended sentence and he'll be told how long when he goes to crown court in a couple of weeks..how long on sor depends how long his suspended sentence is .that's what he's been told today

Hes going to register tomorrow..solicitor trying to gather details for legal aid..

All of what I've mentioned above is what he's been told at magistrates today..

Probation are ringing him 17th February

Crown court 25th February

As I said suspended sentence and time on sor but we've known that all along..

Ss still doing assessment sessions with me to determine whether he can come home or not..ive done everything I can possibly think of to show ss I can keep our daughter safe should he be allowed home..done a family safety plan, completed the seen and heard programme, passed a level 1 child Protection course and im now doing a level 2 child Protection and safeguarding and ive changed all passwords, and bought and indoor security camera..

Solicitor has also explained what he can and can't do while he's on sor in terms of going on holiday etc

I suppose he can ask solicitor about shpo..but i read somewhere that a shpo can prevent him coming home

Ive put all that down in family safety plan about how it'll be me monitoring the Internet and if he wants to use it then I'll be in the room..ive said all this to ss..he wont have access to any passwords either. It will only be me that will know the passwords..he is allowed a phone but not one that can connect to the Internet.

He also pleaded guilty because he had no choice and its saved a trial by jury..told me today that magistrates was an awful experience and he never wants to ever experience anything like that ever again..

Even though he knew what to expect today,it was still traumatic for him and he's at an all time low this evening..if we can get through this and be a family still,then I believe we can get through anything..I choose to stand by him because hes a good man and hes made a stupid stupid mistake

I'm so scared that I've not done enough..

Hes not interested in social media,couldn't care less he says if he never goes near it again..

I have sole control now over any devices not him..ss are aware of this.

Hes accepting of the consequences now,its just hard for him but he's crested this situation and now must deal with it.

I'm having good days and bad days ,not eating much and sleep isn't going so well..

I'm trying my very best to show ss that I can keep our daughter safe..

They seem satisfied so far and have said they'll speak to police to see if there's anything else that I need to do..is that usual for them to do that?

Its a roller coaster at the moment and I just want it to stop so I can get off xx

Also Lee he has been told prior to today that all devices would be checked..

Nothing will be found because the desktop hes got ,hes given me the little plug in that allows him to use it for the Internet and I will not be giving it back to him..and he cant open the ipad because its mine and its set to face recognition aswell as a pass code which I've already changed xx

Yes he did say probation would be speaking to him and asking questions and assessing him..

Will we ever be able to lead a somewhat normal life ? X

I dnt want to sleep because it means I have to wake up and face it still the next day and the next and the next day after that ????xx

Really need advice..sorry for asking again..SS been again today..another assessment for me to determine whether hubby can come home.I dnt feel ive done enough,I feel they'll not let him come back after everything I've done..

Hubby is cooperating fully with probation and I know they're assessment is a vital part in if he can come home.

Will they refer this report back to social services? Will SS listen to them?

Ss were talking to me today as though hubby was going to prison..

Ive even shown them that I've taken part in and completed the seen and heard programme..

I dnt know what else to do..cant face the prospect of him going to prison..

SS asking me could I live the life that I may have 2 with all the restrictions in place?

Why did I want him to come home?

I'm so scared

I just want to curl up and stay that way..I dnt know how much more I can take..

Ive put everything down in a safety plan, ive bought a security camera, ive secured everything with new passwords,fingerprints and face recognition..

Hes cooperating with probation

Hes registered with police

Theyve got his bank card and credit card details..he wont be able to access the Internet without my knowledge

Hes a good person who for whatever reason has done an incredibly stupid thing

Ss today saying that we can still have a relationship even if hes not allowed home..how I asked them if hes not allowed home or not allowed near the house..

Solicitor is very experienced with cases like this..shes dealt with many many of them before..she was the one who stated at most a suspended and he was told this on Thursday at magistrates..

He was told they couldn't tell him at magistrates on Thursday how long of a suspended sentence and thats why he had to go 2 crown court.

Theres things we hope that are in his favour when the judge looks at it..

Hes no previous convictions for anything like this

Hes of good character

Full of remorse

Hes cooperating

I dnt know what makes sense anymore..how can you still have a relationship, still be together, still be intimate etc if they say they can't come home and cant be near the property?

Hes currently living with my dad as he's nowhere else to go..

Ive done everything to the best of my ability

Ive cooperated fully with SS

Ive done courses

Ive answered the most awful questions to the best of my ability and I'd hope that ive answered in the way SS expect me 2..

I dnt know what else I'm meant to do to show and prove I can keep our daughter safe and I understand fully..

Will your husband ever be allowed home Lee?

What does the future hold for you ? Xx

I believe we can make it through this and I'll be by his side for however long it takes..

he needs my support and he will always have it..when we meet up it's like we've never been apart..our daughter misses him desperately, everyday and it breaks our heart when he has to leave to go back to my dad's, breaks his heart aswell.

we have lengthy telephone conversations about all of this, and i Truely believe that however this has happened, it was a stupid mistake and one that he will never ever make again..

he's fully on board with probation and what they're expecting of him..he's so ashamed of getting into this mess and couldn't be more sorry..he knows more than anyone that this will be with him for the rest of his life..

I don't know why this has happened, that's something he'll be discussing with probation and I've told him to be open and honest from the start..



I've done everything in my power to prove to social services that I'm a protective parent and if that's not good enough, then I don't know anymore..

I hope you get your answers too lee x

I have no strength left..

I want us to be a family and I'm so scared that's never gonna happen..we talk all the time and I can't imagine a life for me and my daughter where he's not in it..



sorry for banging on..I don't know what else to do anymore

All out hearts are breaking , his more than anyone's.it'll finish him if he gets a prison sentence and if he can't come home



I'm so scared for him and I don't know how else to help him

Hes on antidepressants, IAPS have been in touch with him but can't offer any further advice until this is all over as they've advised him that that will be when he's at his worst mentally..

Think he mentioned that probation will possibly put him in touch with counseling but dnt quote me on that one.

Not sure how he would go about it with stop so.

He wanted to end his life 2yrs before he was even on antidepressants and he's since had his medication upped.

He thinks and feels that this is what he deserves

Hes broken and lost

IAPS advised him to continue going to the gym as a coping mechanism but he cant even do that now due to the gyms being closed and advised him to keep making music as a way of coping aswell x

He feels he deserves it because he's created this mess we're all in by going anywhere near kik in the first place.

If he'd not downloaded it,this would never have happened and he couldn't be more sorry.

I really feel he needs to talk to someone about it all in a more in depth way but we can't afford to pay for counselling x

Thanks for your kind words and advice..I know we cant change whats happend and and no amount of wishing that we could will make it happen.

Stop so isn't free ,ive seen that sessions can cost anything between £40/£100 and thats money we just don't have right now..

We've never been under any illusion that he would walk away from this..even though we've known about the potential outcome,it doesn't make it any easier.

Our relationship is already massively strained and if he cant come home,I fear the worst..maybe I'm just over thinking everything too much today,especially since ss visit..

Ill look into the safer living foundation

Thank u x

We can only try and see i guess

Xx

Any advice on what Hubby can expect when SW visits him next week for a risk assessment with a view to him coming home.

Hes nervous that he'll say the wrong thing and SW will use it against him

Xx