2nd Case review with SS advice please
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so in less than 12 hours we’ve got our big case review core group thingy. I’ve not received any reports to read as of yet. I’ve done everything they have asked me since my kids were put on the at risk plan. 4 different social workers in 3 months the new latest one only started working with us 2 weeks ago. I know that we will remain at the level and the plan we are on as a feel nothing has been done by any of the care team we are under.
Some of the SW visits were just a quick hello are u ok and a bye (one time he didn’t even come in the house) just so they can tick there boxes.
One thing they have told me is my kids have too many toys. We are working on down sizing the “clutter” as it’s been called by them. I’m doing one room at a time but finding being a single parent juggling work and school runs as well as normal house work, shopping and a clingy toddler leaves me not much time to do anything else. Only time I get any children free time is when I’m at work.
Send help and a little bit of sanity my way to get me through this.
Some of the SW visits were just a quick hello are u ok and a bye (one time he didn’t even come in the house) just so they can tick there boxes.
One thing they have told me is my kids have too many toys. We are working on down sizing the “clutter” as it’s been called by them. I’m doing one room at a time but finding being a single parent juggling work and school runs as well as normal house work, shopping and a clingy toddler leaves me not much time to do anything else. Only time I get any children free time is when I’m at work.
Send help and a little bit of sanity my way to get me through this.
Hi Rusty, firstly sending virtual hugs! Secondly, What the hell has too many toys got to do with anything!!. Sorry that has nothing to do with your case ( I'm sorry I don't know all the details). Basically you could have a million toys all neatly packed away in beautiful wall of storage! That really shouldn't be a negative aspect of any assesments done!. As long as you've done all you can and I bet you have they have to look at that! And to be honest from the things you've said they aren't being consistent in their approach ( lots of visits but some not even coming in your house!!?? You simply can't make an informed judgement with a quick hello from a door step!). Good luck love and stand your ground
Also you say your a single Mum at the moment, working full time with very young children. Have they offered you any support. Access to children centres ( if they are open? I'm out of touch abit! Mine are 18 and nearly 16). After all they are supposed to be " children's services" when my SW came yesterday she asked if there's any support me and the kids need and I have it easy with grown up kids!. I do think you need to get some help, looking after young children and working full time is hard on your own anyway with out all this stuff going on!. Also I would be inclined to say before you attend any conference/ meeting you will need all the paperwork to read. If it hadn't arrived in the post or emailed I'd be rescheduling the appointment! You can't be expected to go into a meeting blind!
Hi,
Having worked in social care the only way they can use 'clutter' as an outcome is if it is impacting on the children's health or well-being i.e. no space to sleep or causing a health related issue like asthma. Get them to be more specific on this and ask them how they think it impacts your children and exactly what level of cleanliness/tidiness is acceptable. I've worked with families and taken them to the tip before/organised skips etc. If you need more support with this make it clear.
The more questions you ask the better. Get them to identify timescales for work. Not just the statutory 10 day visits at this level. What meaningful work is going to be undertaken and if you (the parent) are willing to engage with sessions but professionals are not organising them then why should this reflect badly on you.
Good luck.
Having worked in social care the only way they can use 'clutter' as an outcome is if it is impacting on the children's health or well-being i.e. no space to sleep or causing a health related issue like asthma. Get them to be more specific on this and ask them how they think it impacts your children and exactly what level of cleanliness/tidiness is acceptable. I've worked with families and taken them to the tip before/organised skips etc. If you need more support with this make it clear.
The more questions you ask the better. Get them to identify timescales for work. Not just the statutory 10 day visits at this level. What meaningful work is going to be undertaken and if you (the parent) are willing to engage with sessions but professionals are not organising them then why should this reflect badly on you.
Good luck.
Thank you to all reply’s
so I went into my 2nd case conference review meeting blinded-no report to view before hand. My children are still on a the cpp main reason highlighted at first was because 4 SW in 3 months is unacceptable and with them not meeting (even contacting) my partner to do a assessment on him to eventually see his child. My children are a level 4 which is 2 up from last time
Seems my teenager is struggling with online college lessons and not answering the phone or emails to them. Big chair person (I’d like to nickname her something else as I hate her I really do but I won’t) asked if I knew anything about it? I said no. Then she starts with I should and how I’m not taking an interest. Oh now I rant back about when something similar was mentioned in first meeting I was told by the rep from college they don’t involve parents as college is voluntary and they only work 1-1 with students. So now they have decided that they do want me involved.
Clutter- yes I admit I have stuff that could do with sorting and putting away or charity shopping (which are not open) but my house is not filthy it doesn’t smell. I’ve asked family/friends if it does and to be honest. My best friend says I have stuff but it’s homely. Kids bedrooms floors and beds are clear. No asthma
I have pets but they are clean (only reptiles) it’s been commented on before by one of my many SW that I have a lot of pets. We have 2 reptiles and a outside pond full of fish. I was gobsmacked by the pet comment.
Someone was supposed to come out and talk about routines and structures for my working life and my youngest child. I feel it’s not needed but I’m told it’s still to happen.
I’ve decided I’m going to keep a diary and write down when im contacted by any of the care team, when my children are at school/college. Any visits by any of the care team will be logged with duration and content of chats. When my youngest is in child care while I’m at work. Emails and phone calls logged too as I feel it’s been a very weak input by the care teams and all blame has been shifted onto me.
One thing that pisses me off is they seem to think my oldest takes care of my youngest child a lot. She doesn’t I’ve tried telling them this is not true but I can’t get through to them. They think that this is impacting on my daughters self esteem and college work. He’s either at school or at arranged childcare when I’m at work. Yes they sometimes play and do crafts together but the oldest soon gets bored. He will go into her bedroom but I try to discourage this as it’s her space plus he usually comes out with nail varnish on or hair streaked different colours. Great just what I need before he’s due at school.
My partner caused all this mess but I feel it’s me and my home life under scrutiny not him it’s like they have swept what he’s done aside and just found and picked over what faults they can find in my home life.
One Last thing is at any future online meetings can I record the meetings for record for myself? I know they make there own recording while the meeting takes place but can I making sure I’ve notified those present first?
Thanks and sorry for long post. Thanks for reading and any future input x
so I went into my 2nd case conference review meeting blinded-no report to view before hand. My children are still on a the cpp main reason highlighted at first was because 4 SW in 3 months is unacceptable and with them not meeting (even contacting) my partner to do a assessment on him to eventually see his child. My children are a level 4 which is 2 up from last time
Seems my teenager is struggling with online college lessons and not answering the phone or emails to them. Big chair person (I’d like to nickname her something else as I hate her I really do but I won’t) asked if I knew anything about it? I said no. Then she starts with I should and how I’m not taking an interest. Oh now I rant back about when something similar was mentioned in first meeting I was told by the rep from college they don’t involve parents as college is voluntary and they only work 1-1 with students. So now they have decided that they do want me involved.
Clutter- yes I admit I have stuff that could do with sorting and putting away or charity shopping (which are not open) but my house is not filthy it doesn’t smell. I’ve asked family/friends if it does and to be honest. My best friend says I have stuff but it’s homely. Kids bedrooms floors and beds are clear. No asthma
I have pets but they are clean (only reptiles) it’s been commented on before by one of my many SW that I have a lot of pets. We have 2 reptiles and a outside pond full of fish. I was gobsmacked by the pet comment.
Someone was supposed to come out and talk about routines and structures for my working life and my youngest child. I feel it’s not needed but I’m told it’s still to happen.
I’ve decided I’m going to keep a diary and write down when im contacted by any of the care team, when my children are at school/college. Any visits by any of the care team will be logged with duration and content of chats. When my youngest is in child care while I’m at work. Emails and phone calls logged too as I feel it’s been a very weak input by the care teams and all blame has been shifted onto me.
One thing that pisses me off is they seem to think my oldest takes care of my youngest child a lot. She doesn’t I’ve tried telling them this is not true but I can’t get through to them. They think that this is impacting on my daughters self esteem and college work. He’s either at school or at arranged childcare when I’m at work. Yes they sometimes play and do crafts together but the oldest soon gets bored. He will go into her bedroom but I try to discourage this as it’s her space plus he usually comes out with nail varnish on or hair streaked different colours. Great just what I need before he’s due at school.
My partner caused all this mess but I feel it’s me and my home life under scrutiny not him it’s like they have swept what he’s done aside and just found and picked over what faults they can find in my home life.
One Last thing is at any future online meetings can I record the meetings for record for myself? I know they make there own recording while the meeting takes place but can I making sure I’ve notified those present first?
Thanks and sorry for long post. Thanks for reading and any future input x
When your notes come through take time to look through the outcomes and note the timescales. If these aren't being met you need to be proactive and contact professionals who were meant to visit. It's not the way it should be but the more you show your willingness to engage the quicker you'll be stepped down. They really should give you clear targets to be met - what does life have to look like to be stepped down?! If you don't know this ask them to clearly set it out. I made my sw set dates/timescales in the meeting. If the IRO notes a timescale for work to be completed in the meeting the SW has to stick to these. I was lucky to be on a CIN plan following the icpc but it was still in the meeting notes that SW sessions were to be completed weekly for 6 weeks.
The chair should absolutely be impartial. If you don't get any notes you have the right to postpone or be given time in the meeting to read them.
Well done for getting through.
The chair should absolutely be impartial. If you don't get any notes you have the right to postpone or be given time in the meeting to read them.
Well done for getting through.
Hi everyone thank you for ur reply’s. Sorry Lee for the loss of ur dog I still miss mine even after a couple of years. u all have raised some points and questions I will ask them in future. I will try to answer questions from ur reply’s
so far I’ve had no support only advised my son could get into school early with help from them
no paperwork I’ve only seen one report and that was less 24 hours before my big case conference meeting where they decided to put the kids on a cpp.
ive recieved no reports after any meetings so far.
the chair had never rang me to chat privately to me before any of the meetings I’ve only spoke to her in the conference infront of others.
i feel that this is a opportunity for them to pull me and my life apart not support me it’s like I’m being punished for what he’s done. Like somehow it’s my fault or I should have seen what he was doing before the police did.
He’s not been charged as of yet
no data request when I asked for new SW for one she said there wouldn’t be one as she’s not spoken to any of the previous SW’s
no time scales but feel I’m to complete what they ask ASAP and if I don’t I have to explain why.
I feel the chairs not impartial as she seems to tell me how my smchildren are feeling. She still insists my oldest cares for my youngest majority of the time even when I’m home and this is only of the reasons her college work is suffering. She knows this even though she’s not spoken to me or my daughter 1 2 1.
thank you for all ur advice and pointers. Are u ok with me taking notes of ur points and questions for me to bring up infuture meetings with SW, core group and CPP conference please. I will not mention where I got the advice from but that I’ve been doing my home work.
Thanks again for all ur support x
so far I’ve had no support only advised my son could get into school early with help from them
no paperwork I’ve only seen one report and that was less 24 hours before my big case conference meeting where they decided to put the kids on a cpp.
ive recieved no reports after any meetings so far.
the chair had never rang me to chat privately to me before any of the meetings I’ve only spoke to her in the conference infront of others.
i feel that this is a opportunity for them to pull me and my life apart not support me it’s like I’m being punished for what he’s done. Like somehow it’s my fault or I should have seen what he was doing before the police did.
He’s not been charged as of yet
no data request when I asked for new SW for one she said there wouldn’t be one as she’s not spoken to any of the previous SW’s
no time scales but feel I’m to complete what they ask ASAP and if I don’t I have to explain why.
I feel the chairs not impartial as she seems to tell me how my smchildren are feeling. She still insists my oldest cares for my youngest majority of the time even when I’m home and this is only of the reasons her college work is suffering. She knows this even though she’s not spoken to me or my daughter 1 2 1.
thank you for all ur advice and pointers. Are u ok with me taking notes of ur points and questions for me to bring up infuture meetings with SW, core group and CPP conference please. I will not mention where I got the advice from but that I’ve been doing my home work.
Thanks again for all ur support x
Sounds like you are having a real battle!
You're within your rights to request notes from the meetings. Ask the social worker for them and if you don't get them then contact the IRO. The IRO won't necessarily speak with your children but they should have had a conversation with you before the ICPC. It's up to the social worker to get the children's wishes and feelings.
I really feel for you here. It's a stressful time and every part of your life is being scrutinised by people who are effectively strangers.
As suggested by others take notes. My personal experience is that you come away remembering about 20% of what is said. Write down any actions and who is responsible for supporting you to complete them. If you don't know what the actions are ask them to be repeated at the end.
The main thing you need to know is what would do they need to see for the case to be stepped down/closed?
Feel free to use any advice - hope it is of some use.
xXx
You're within your rights to request notes from the meetings. Ask the social worker for them and if you don't get them then contact the IRO. The IRO won't necessarily speak with your children but they should have had a conversation with you before the ICPC. It's up to the social worker to get the children's wishes and feelings.
I really feel for you here. It's a stressful time and every part of your life is being scrutinised by people who are effectively strangers.
As suggested by others take notes. My personal experience is that you come away remembering about 20% of what is said. Write down any actions and who is responsible for supporting you to complete them. If you don't know what the actions are ask them to be repeated at the end.
The main thing you need to know is what would do they need to see for the case to be stepped down/closed?
Feel free to use any advice - hope it is of some use.
xXx
Thank you again for ur great advice.
So todays drama- in the conference on Tuesday my health visitor was adamant that one of my sons vaccinations is over due. It’s not and I informed her so but she’s adamant that it is and she said we discussed this a month a go in the meeting. I tells her no we didn’t but she said we did. My partner and my daughters dad never spoke up to back me so I let it go. Anyway today I rang up my doctors to be told that there’s noting outstanding on my sons records. Are these ppl looking at the right records? The chair person had my son down as 5 years old. I feel like I’m fighting against a a bunch of ppl who really don’t know what They are doing.
Also my sons head teacher calls me in to ask who my social worker is as no one has been in contact with her. I warned her I may get emotional and explained in brief the past 3 months how we have had 4 different SW’s meetings where I’ve not received proper paperwork or support. I also told her about this weeks cin conference and it was noted that she’d not been invited. She looked shocked and said leave it with her.
Please can u advise me on the core meeting that’s happening next week. What should they do before the meeting starts? What should I do? Do they need to send me anything? Should my SW have visited me between the CIN conference taking place this week and the core meeting next week even though we are not due a visit.
Thabks again u have been a great help and help me keep my sanity x
So todays drama- in the conference on Tuesday my health visitor was adamant that one of my sons vaccinations is over due. It’s not and I informed her so but she’s adamant that it is and she said we discussed this a month a go in the meeting. I tells her no we didn’t but she said we did. My partner and my daughters dad never spoke up to back me so I let it go. Anyway today I rang up my doctors to be told that there’s noting outstanding on my sons records. Are these ppl looking at the right records? The chair person had my son down as 5 years old. I feel like I’m fighting against a a bunch of ppl who really don’t know what They are doing.
Also my sons head teacher calls me in to ask who my social worker is as no one has been in contact with her. I warned her I may get emotional and explained in brief the past 3 months how we have had 4 different SW’s meetings where I’ve not received proper paperwork or support. I also told her about this weeks cin conference and it was noted that she’d not been invited. She looked shocked and said leave it with her.
Please can u advise me on the core meeting that’s happening next week. What should they do before the meeting starts? What should I do? Do they need to send me anything? Should my SW have visited me between the CIN conference taking place this week and the core meeting next week even though we are not due a visit.
Thabks again u have been a great help and help me keep my sanity x
I had exactly the same experience with the school nursing team. I asked the drs to send a copy of the vaccinations to my sw and the school nurses. The nurses and GPs should share the same NHS system but it varies depending on area.
If you are CP then they have 10 day statutory visits. If CIN I think it's every 6 weeks - may be different. Idealy you'd see them regularly but its not always the case.
Ask them to visit if you want to. If they are useless be proactive and take the lead. I'd find the SW manager s address and copy them into emails requesting visits.
xXx
If you are CP then they have 10 day statutory visits. If CIN I think it's every 6 weeks - may be different. Idealy you'd see them regularly but its not always the case.
Ask them to visit if you want to. If they are useless be proactive and take the lead. I'd find the SW manager s address and copy them into emails requesting visits.
xXx
Just remember these statutory visits are counting working days not weekends (so really its 2 weeks CP and 4 weeks CIN).
CP visits are likely to be adhered to by the SW - CIN not so much! They may be counting phonecalls as significant contact (in CIN cases). Hopefully you can get some answers.
CP visits are likely to be adhered to by the SW - CIN not so much! They may be counting phonecalls as significant contact (in CIN cases). Hopefully you can get some answers.
Thanks once again.
We are on CPP and use all the rude words u would like. I feel like going on a Gordon Ramsay rant regularly. I did yesterday at my partner (I am a calm person normally) since the conference it’s been built up inside. So I told him how selfish and unfair it is what he’s done. (He sits there looking like a wounded puppy not saying anything which angers me more) I Pointed out I’m dealing with what’s expected of me from SS however when I argued they were wrong in online conference he didn’t back me up. the Biggie that finally pushed me over the edge was his parents going away on holiday for 6 weeks in September. I can’t even think about a holiday I can’t see past next week. I told my partner they shouldn’t be going away they should be putting a deposit down on a flat for him so he can move out of my parents home (they have expressed recently they want him out ASAP. (He can’t live with his parents because of younger siblings). I feel like they feel he’s not their problem and he’s all mine. They also think he will move back with us one day. Personally I think SS won’t allow it. It’s harsh but I feel if he did a prison sentence SS would back off from me a bit and the pressure would be lifted off me. Plus he will see how serious it all is as he’s like in this bubble floating around doing his own thing oblivious to it all.
Sorry for the mini Ramsay rant. Thanks once again and I hope u are all well x
We are on CPP and use all the rude words u would like. I feel like going on a Gordon Ramsay rant regularly. I did yesterday at my partner (I am a calm person normally) since the conference it’s been built up inside. So I told him how selfish and unfair it is what he’s done. (He sits there looking like a wounded puppy not saying anything which angers me more) I Pointed out I’m dealing with what’s expected of me from SS however when I argued they were wrong in online conference he didn’t back me up. the Biggie that finally pushed me over the edge was his parents going away on holiday for 6 weeks in September. I can’t even think about a holiday I can’t see past next week. I told my partner they shouldn’t be going away they should be putting a deposit down on a flat for him so he can move out of my parents home (they have expressed recently they want him out ASAP. (He can’t live with his parents because of younger siblings). I feel like they feel he’s not their problem and he’s all mine. They also think he will move back with us one day. Personally I think SS won’t allow it. It’s harsh but I feel if he did a prison sentence SS would back off from me a bit and the pressure would be lifted off me. Plus he will see how serious it all is as he’s like in this bubble floating around doing his own thing oblivious to it all.
Sorry for the mini Ramsay rant. Thanks once again and I hope u are all well x
I know how you feel. My husband is in total denial. When we split up he made out he was the victim and that I had throw him out with no warning. I gave him 3 weeks to find somewhere, as I owned the house before we meet and he has never contributed to the running costs of the house.(or anything for that matter) His sister rang me up as she knew I would not have done that. In the end I told her everything. He now says he forgives me for telling his family. Not once has he said sorry or asked for forgiveness or explained anything. just says i do not trust him if I ask questions.