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In 2019, the case with my husband was closed. I was told I was allowed to supervise visits and we were even allowed to go away to Centre Parcs. A trip we were due to go on in 2018 but at that time the investigation was underway.
My husband and I haven't been living together since the case opened in February 2018, he has been living in a different part of the country. During the safer carers assessment, I was never told we couldn't live together but the plan was for him to look for a role locally to us in 2020 and for him to move back in and us to co-parent.
Our 4 year old is potentially on the autism spectrum and a CAF was open. Nursery had to contact SS to get an update, they were never involved in the assessment or the meetings with SS. They should've been but the whole case was a mess.
Two weeks ago I had a call from SS to find out what was going on with my husband because nursery had said that they had heard from my son that his daddy sometimes stays over. I said yes but I wasn't aware he couldn't because we were allowed to go to Centre Parcs together. They said the case is closed but someone would come and see me for a chat.
SS came out and said they will be reopening the whole case, trying to get records from the Police again, looking at his phone records etc.
I'm so confused. I'm no longer in love with my husband but we do get on and I want him to have a relationship with our son.
Have you been able to live as a family again? Or have you walked away completely?
My husband and I haven't been living together since the case opened in February 2018, he has been living in a different part of the country. During the safer carers assessment, I was never told we couldn't live together but the plan was for him to look for a role locally to us in 2020 and for him to move back in and us to co-parent.
Our 4 year old is potentially on the autism spectrum and a CAF was open. Nursery had to contact SS to get an update, they were never involved in the assessment or the meetings with SS. They should've been but the whole case was a mess.
Two weeks ago I had a call from SS to find out what was going on with my husband because nursery had said that they had heard from my son that his daddy sometimes stays over. I said yes but I wasn't aware he couldn't because we were allowed to go to Centre Parcs together. They said the case is closed but someone would come and see me for a chat.
SS came out and said they will be reopening the whole case, trying to get records from the Police again, looking at his phone records etc.
I'm so confused. I'm no longer in love with my husband but we do get on and I want him to have a relationship with our son.
Have you been able to live as a family again? Or have you walked away completely?
Has your husband been sentenced? Or still under investigation? I'm sorry I can't remember if you have mentioned your situation with regards to charges etc.
SW can open and close cases. For example my partner left the family home and his ex wife won't let him have any contact with the kids. This has been the case since 2017. SW closed the case because they were happy that his ex wife wanted nothing to do with my partner and that there was no chance the kids would have any contact.
My partner is now going through the courts to get visitation rights, he was sentenced in aug 2019. Once the courts allow visitation SW will likely re open the case, I guess to keep tabs on the well-being of the kids.
It is hard to stay as a family unit, SW don't make it easy. You will need to get the authorities to be clear on what can and cannot be allowed. Get everything in writing where possible and keep records of conversations. Hopefully you will get clarification on your situation.
SW can open and close cases. For example my partner left the family home and his ex wife won't let him have any contact with the kids. This has been the case since 2017. SW closed the case because they were happy that his ex wife wanted nothing to do with my partner and that there was no chance the kids would have any contact.
My partner is now going through the courts to get visitation rights, he was sentenced in aug 2019. Once the courts allow visitation SW will likely re open the case, I guess to keep tabs on the well-being of the kids.
It is hard to stay as a family unit, SW don't make it easy. You will need to get the authorities to be clear on what can and cannot be allowed. Get everything in writing where possible and keep records of conversations. Hopefully you will get clarification on your situation.
So I think it was in 2003, he was found with images on his computer. He said that he was paying to download music and would just click all from users that had music he was interested in because it was quicker (it was pre broadband) and anything that didn't look like music, he would delete.
Anyway, there were over 100 images found on his machine that had been deleted and when we met, years later, he told me about it all and I chose to believe him. I think at the time he got a suspended sentence and community service as well as going on the register for 5 years.
Years later, the stress of all this still weighed heavily on his mind and had led to depression at times. In 2017, someone found out about what had happened and was giving him a hard time. This led to him going online to a site twice. The first was to make up a story about a 12-year-old girl, the second time was to say they were all sick. Apparently, this was to see if he really was the monster people were saying he was.
Of course, totally unacceptable and I can't believe he did it. Anyway, he was arrested and the Police confirmed it was a made-up story because he said it was about our next-door neighbour's daughter. It took 18 months for all our tech to be returned and the police said sorry for the inconvenience (they really did!!) and the case was dropped.
However, SS view things very differently and I understand why. It was agreed that he would be allowed supervised visits and we were allowed to go to CP together.
My estranged husband did the stop it now course (£1K), has had lots of counselling and CBT and he really is a very different person.
The new SW has said he needs to re-evaluate the case again because at some point we want to try to co-parent. Even though I believe he would never do anything to our son because of how depressed he was, I have been the one to bring our son up and do everything for him since birth. Before SS got involved, my son was 16 months old and for those 16 months my estranged husband was chronically depressed, so I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them alone anyway. Too many memories of the depressive days but I view co-parenting as us living together, even if it's for a year or so.
Anyway, there were over 100 images found on his machine that had been deleted and when we met, years later, he told me about it all and I chose to believe him. I think at the time he got a suspended sentence and community service as well as going on the register for 5 years.
Years later, the stress of all this still weighed heavily on his mind and had led to depression at times. In 2017, someone found out about what had happened and was giving him a hard time. This led to him going online to a site twice. The first was to make up a story about a 12-year-old girl, the second time was to say they were all sick. Apparently, this was to see if he really was the monster people were saying he was.
Of course, totally unacceptable and I can't believe he did it. Anyway, he was arrested and the Police confirmed it was a made-up story because he said it was about our next-door neighbour's daughter. It took 18 months for all our tech to be returned and the police said sorry for the inconvenience (they really did!!) and the case was dropped.
However, SS view things very differently and I understand why. It was agreed that he would be allowed supervised visits and we were allowed to go to CP together.
My estranged husband did the stop it now course (£1K), has had lots of counselling and CBT and he really is a very different person.
The new SW has said he needs to re-evaluate the case again because at some point we want to try to co-parent. Even though I believe he would never do anything to our son because of how depressed he was, I have been the one to bring our son up and do everything for him since birth. Before SS got involved, my son was 16 months old and for those 16 months my estranged husband was chronically depressed, so I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them alone anyway. Too many memories of the depressive days but I view co-parenting as us living together, even if it's for a year or so.